I'm not an angry baby anymore!

Malaysian food and water has finally caught up with me.

And by catching up with me, i don't mean in a good how-are-you-we-missed-you kinda way.

I mean, in a terribly horrible and sadistic way...

I've been strickened by the food-poisoning bug..boo hoo..

The only good thing i can see out of this cess-pool of self-inflicted malady is that the food-poisoning is devoid of pain.

That's my silver lining..i guess.

OH!

i've got a confession to make...i'm unabashedly excited about tomorrow's outing with the Taylor's gang. it's true..i wanna drink with people who are of the same skin tone as i am...i don't want to be the only turning red...whilst the others are still a pasty white. oh yay..!!
AND I GET TO...!!

another confession...i find Dr House (that's Hugh Laurie to all you people who don't watch House but The Black Adder instead) completely Irresistible. Yes. Irresistible with a capital I. There's something about his in-your-face snide remarks and dry humour that i find terribly sexy. Now, why can't there be real men like him walking the face of the Earth??

...i'm at a lost for words now..

I am very angry tonight...actually..if you can see me now...i'm SEETHING.

having an extremely intimate relationship till the point where you can't live without seeing each other is commendable ... but when it gets to the point where you're ignoring your friends and driving them mad...and worst of all, making them feel like substitutes for all the times when your loved one isn't here...that's bad.

that's worst than bad...

that's LOW.

i'm damn disappointed in you. i thought you were made of tougher mettle. i thought you wouldn't be like those girls who seems to be permanently adhered to their 'other half'... i guess for once i thought wrong. or maybe you changed. i'm not sure. but either way, i don't think i like the You that you are now.

just seeing you STICK to him...it sorta makes me sick. i feel that all the hard-fought years for feminism has come crashing down in your very actions...i know this seems a bit exaggerated, but tonight i'm at the point where i just don't bloody care anymore.

seeing that you can tell me that you'll come and spend time with me only when he's not around..it shows how much I, and everyone else who were your friends long before he came into the picture, am valued by you.

i am disappointed.

damn disappointed.

DAMN IT.

at first, i sympathised with you. i really did. especially when you said that he was leaving for studies outside of Malaysia..i really really did. i was all for you spending time with him. believe me. i was. but when you started ignoring us and breaking appointments and treating him like God...that's when things took a turn for the ugly for me.

bottomline is:

i'm DISAPPOINTED.

Damn Malaysian Drivers.

I lied. I take back every single thing that i said about Malaysian drivers. Cousin, you were right. Malaysian drivers ARE retarded. okok...make that, MOST of the Malaysian drivers ARE retarded.

The thing is, i finally got my full licence back yesterday, and attempted to tackle KL driving today...i know i know, that was very brave of me...and all went well, except for a few minor and not-so-minor mishaps.

Minor Mishap #1:
While i was driving down to Bangsar and was near the tollbooth on the highway leading to Federal Highway (Elaine tried to be helpful and said.."There the 50sen wan"..) this humongous stupid Yellow Storm started muscling me and tried to cut into my lane and simultaneously pushing me towards this lorry. For a split second, i thought, "Uhoh..this is it"...

Luckily nothing happened.

I hope your tyres burst and a rock hits your windshield while you're driving you moron.

Minor Mishap #2:
Motorbikes. I've just realised the fact that motorcyclists do not give a damn about you or your car. ok...maybe i knew it since 1000 years ago...but now, it seems all the more apparent. Damn you motorcyclists. Count your lucky stars that we drivers feel obligated to watch out for you, not because we're afraid of killing someone on the road, but because do you know how hard it is to try to get blood stains out of the paint job and cushion-seats (applies only when windows are down) ??

Damn you motorcyclists...may your bike die on you one day in a lonely secluded stretch of highway and then some pontianak will come and do away with you...MUAHAHAHA.

Minor Mishap #3:
The indicators on your car are meant for INDICATING WHERE YOU WANT TO GO MORON! it's not for telling people to watch out for you during a thunderstorm...which is also wrong because you CANNOT put on your hazard lights when you're travelling in a storm goddammit.

To all those cars who swerved, overtook, cut into my lane at the very last minute and just being plain old stupid...i hope one day you'll truly want to use your indicators and then you'll find that they are malfunctioned due to constant neglect and disuse...mymy...won't you be crying to hear the comforting 'tictoctictoc' of the orange signal lights then??

Damn you.

Not-So-Minor-Mishap #4:
While i was travelling back from the Connaught Pasar Malam tonight...this DUMB SILVER KELISA just went and cut right in front of me whilst i was turning into a junction and i bloody hell would've knocked straight into him...(i say him not because i'm a sexist but because the driver was a bloody MALE)..stupid little effing TWERP! and he had the audacity to turn around and stare at me. Well...EFF YOU, YOU MORON!!

and to make matters worse...because i was so shook up, i think i accidentally knocked the gear in to Neutral and didn't know it so when i stepped on the accelerator...all i heard was this loud revving off the engine...bloody hell right in the middle of the freaking T-Junction.

I'm gonna be mean..i hope you get involved in an accident and escape unharmed but may your car be mangled beyond repair. IDIOT.

damn it...Melanie Ho never gets bullied...i need to get my Driving Mo-Jo back in to action. this cannot be tolerated any longer.

Damn you Malaysian Drivers. and before you start getting all smart and saying,

"Why Melanie, i thought you said the next person to criticize Malaysian driving gets a punch on the head??"...

well...i admit i was wrong and you can punch my head if you want only and only if you can find me. BOO!

*offer valids until i regain my mo-jo.

The Perfect Number is 5

Yesterday was PohLeng's end-of-STPM day and damn well did we go out and celebrate this momentous occasion. Of course, as always, with a little love and care to go around...

with a minute-to-minute account of everything we did last night..

we started off at my place then headed off to OUG's Dessert Stall...ok..i can't remember what it's called but i know you can have all these fruit 'lo-lo's there...and if you should know, PohLeng drove. 'nuff said.


It's true. Your mango WILL look like sludge after 5 minutes.




Elaine, Abby, Andy, PohLeng and Mel.

After much debate from Elaine's part...we decided to head off to Hartamas..heck..it was only 10.30pm and the night was still young. being the robust and energetic 19-year-olds that we were, we can't jolly well go home now, CAN WE?? so yes...off to Hartamas and Uncle Don's for a session of shisha.

before Uncle Don's however, we thought we'd hop into Breakers first...lo and behold...



yes..so we already broke 4 of the rules that i can remember..i'm pretty sure we could've walked in but why risk getting thrown out, no? after all, it IS her big night..so off to Don's then.

sorry...no photos because we'd look like idiots snapping pictures of each other puffing smoke out like the Caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland. HOWEVER we DO have videos of ourselves puffing taken discretely with PohLeng's phone. hahahaha...that's enough for us.

ahem..ok..confession time. last night was the first time i tried shisha...and it was .. good. hahahah..until i got a lecture from PohLeng about how we're actually puffing on carbon monoxide which induces the sense of 'high' that an individual may sometimes feel and also kills brain cells... boo damper you. there was also a fair bit of coughing towards the end but nothing practice can't make perfect...hahahaha...

so yea, after much huffing and puffing and rushing off to a Projet toilet, we found ourselves heading off home. that was when everything got a little bit more exciting...okok...maybe it WAS the shisha.






Because Elaine has a kangaroo peaking out near her left breast and we love her for it.





In short..last night was smashing.. and we plan to continue next thursday when Elaine finishes her exams... anyone else interested??

I'm home, me amigos!

It's been 3 days now since i've been home...yes..i think it's 3 days. everything's been like a whirlwind to me...hahahaha..ok, maybe it hasn't been anything as exciting as a whirlwind, but a girl can pretend can't she?

anyways, yea, Friday saw me all nervous, worrying about whether i'd get turned away from boarding the plane, maybe there's something wrong with my passport, maybe they over-booked the plane and decided they didn't have enough seats for all of us and i got kicked out, maybe the imigration department knew that i was cheating out on all those concession tickets, ohmygod what if the plane crashes..!!!???

yea, those were basically the thoughts that were running around in my head...but once i touched down on Malaysian soil at 8.49 pm local time, everything just seemed right...thank god i didn't turn into human fireworks and be scattered all over the Australian continent.

seeing my parents and ELAINE was good...!! hahahaha..i could tell they were really excited but they were trying to play it cool...well..HAHA..i saw right through you guys..!!! then i was whisked off to the nearest mamak stall and of course had my roti sardin. i must say that although it was good, i expected it to be better...ahwell...it must be the jet-lag.

the next few memories that i have just seemed a haze..i remember meeting grandma, gave her a huge big hug...went to Church after what seemed like a long while...went to meet up with old old friends..!! and of course, Midvalley.

yep..and know, i'm back here again.

i have a weird feeling that i'll wake up suddenly and i'll find myself still lying on that little single bed with its pink bedsheets and huge windows overlooking the swimming pool and then thinking to myself, DARN IT! IT WAS ALL A DREAM!

let it not be that...i've just begun getting used to sleeping in my old bed again...mmmm... =)

oh yea, i bought my very first bottle of Moet&Chandon from the duty free place and although i must say it was quite pricey, it was worth it...MY FIRST M&C! May you be the first of many.

and i'm now back to using the old dial-up running at 41.2kbps..i'll see how long it takes to load up a post..if it takes ages..then sayonara..i'll only be posting when i'm terribly free...with ample time in my hands...!

hahahahaha...there's just so much to dooo..!!

HomeComing Queen 2005

My stint in Sydney will end in less than 17 hours.

It’s amazing, ain’t it? How quickly time passes by. At first all you did was stare at it, urging it to pick up its speed. You cheer it on, you encourage it to move as fast as it possibly could. Then one day, you find that time has taken heed of all your urgings and has left you far behind. Time moved so fast that before you knew it, it was gone.

That’s how I feel of the past 9 months. It came and it left. Soundlessly.

Ok. Hmmm… I’m really not sure who reads my blog. But I do get constantly surprised. Hahahaha…they sometimes come up to me and say, “Melanie, I read your internet site, it’s good!” and I’m left flabbergasted wondering how they found out about it. Then they give me a coy smile and walk away and I’m left wondering… “Uh-oh…was there something that I wrote that was not meant to be seen by family??” yes… It’s rather perplexing sometimes.

Ok, so to all my relatives in Sydney, by the time you read this, I’ll probably either be in the plane, or I’d already have touched down in KL. I know none of you are up past 12 midnight except for Tammy and maybe David. Hahahaha…

Just a quick note to say THANKS! Thanks for looking after me during the whole time that I was here. Thanks for getting me copious amounts of cooked prawns from Woolworths because you knew that I loved it. Thanks for dropping me off and picking me up from Penant Hills train station even though sometimes it’s past 12 midnight *winkwink*. Thanks for all the lifts to uni…that saved me at least AUD100. I swear. Erm…just thanks all around!

It’ll be 3 months before I see all of you again…I’m not too sure if that’s a blessing in itself…

Alright… my next destination…

HOME

The Moon was a bright white light

When i started penning my thoughts

Orion's Belt laid East

Of the source of radiance

And my room was bathed with its

Pure light.

Now the bright white light is gone

and Orion's Belt is no more

the Earth is once again

Enveloped in darkness

and when i peer out again

All i see is you

Comforting Star.

My stint in Sydney will end in less than 17 hours.

It’s amazing, ain’t it? How quickly time passes by. At first all you did was stare at it, urging it to pick up its speed. You cheer it on, you encourage it to move as fast as it possibly could. Then one day, you find that time has taken heed of all your urgings and has left you far behind. Time moved so fast that before you knew it, it was gone.

That’s how I feel of the past 9 months. It came and it left. Soundlessly.

Ok. Hmmm… I’m really not sure who reads my blog. But I do get constantly surprised. Hahahaha…they sometimes come up to me and say, “Melanie, I read your internet site, it’s good!” and I’m left flabbergasted wondering how they found out about it. Then they give me a coy smile and walk away and I’m left wondering… “Uh-oh…was there something that I wrote that was not meant to be seen by family??” yes… It’s rather perplexing sometimes.

Ok, so to all my relatives in Sydney, by the time you read this, I’ll probably either be in the plane, or I’d already have touched down in KL. I know none of you are up past 12 midnight except for Tammy and maybe David. Hahahaha…

Just a quick note to say THANKS! Thanks for looking after me during the whole time that I was here. Thanks for getting me copious amounts of cooked prawns from Woolworths because you knew that I loved it. Thanks for dropping me off and picking me up from Penant Hills train station even though sometimes it’s past 12 midnight *winkwink*. Thanks for all the lifts to uni…that saved me at least AUD100. I swear. Erm…just thanks all around!

It’ll be 3 months before I see all of you again…I’m not too sure if that’s a blessing in itself…

Alright… my next destination…

HOME

The Moon was a bright white light

When i started penning my thoughts

Orion's Belt laid East

Of the source of radiance

And my room was bathed with its

Pure light.

Imagine

You have finished surfing the net...you've done all that you need to do.

Your blog has been checked for new comments and tags...Your friendster site has been checked for new testimonials or messages...Youve checked your yahoo email account.

Then, imagine if you suddenly feel an itchiness on your head, and your left pointer and middle finger moves instinctively to explore every inch of your scalp.

Then, imagine, as your probing fingers did their job, they suddenly come upon this hard little scabby part that is your dried-up skin scalp.

Then, imagine yourself scratching away at it, and it finally comes lose and you peel it away from your scalp and manage to disentangle it from your hair.

You then look at it, in awe and you begin to wonder.

You wonder how it would look like under a microsrope. Would it be composed of hundreds of little dead cells much like skin cells? Or would it have the same alignment as plant cells?

You hold it up to the light and you squint. You squint first with your left eye, then your right, trying to make out exactly how it looks like...then you come to a conclusion that you BELIEVE you can actually make out the individual cells on that little piece of dead scalp cells.

Then, you wonder how it feels like. And you play around with it with your fingers. You first squeeze it to see how it feels and you're pleasantly surprised that it's quite thick and hard...You think to yourself "My, that's a lot of skin cells". You then press it in two and it folds in half under your finger...You roll it up into a ball, then unroll it. You break off little minuscule individual pieces and try to disintegrate it between your fingers. You fail. And you wonder to yourself, again, this time somewhat impressed.."My what strong dead scalp cells i have".

Later, you stare at what is left of your original piece of dead scalp cells. And you begin to wonder. You wonder how it would taste like. You continue staring at it, not knowing what to do next, not daring to do what you secretly want to do next.

You stare at it for another 5 seconds. Then you take an experimental bite out of it.

Imagine that it tastes salty. Imagine that it tastes like the sweat that rolls from your scalp down onto your forehead, into your eyes then down your cheeks and finally into your mouth.

Then you think, "Hey it's not that bad after all".

You discard of that piece of dead scalp cells and your fingers start they're exploration mission again. This time, you secretly hope that you'll stumble across an even bigger piece...a bigger yield.. the motherlode of all pieces of dead scalp cells.

Imagine that all your fingers did were probe scratch pull inspect discard probe scratch pull...over and over again.

It's not that hard to imagine, is it now?

it's a bloody rojak of thoughts

I don't want to count the days down anymore...you guys do the math.

talking about maths..Today marks the LAST TIME that i'll ever have to (hopefully) smell, touch, see, hear and, if i'm unlucky, taste a Math Exam Paper. yes, Math Exam Paper has it's first alphabets in caps because it deserves it...because i've spent 15 out of my 19 years doing maths...that's 78.94% or 79% rounded up to the nearest figure, of my entire life...heck, that's a GREAT DEAL..it deserves a bit of respect...but NOT Math1013..i'm still sore.

Sayonara Mathematics. May we have parted on good terms.

but for now, i feel completely...relaxed...albeit that there's still another paper looming ominously just a little over 12 hours away...it's That Feeling, you know. the feeling you get when you're already that near to the finish line that you can smell it, when your body starts to unwind and tells you to get your life back...when you begin to assume this taking-for-granted type of mood. the best word that can explain this phenomenon...(and i say, phenomenon because it comes around only twice in a year) is...INDIFFERENCE..!

hmm...ok, maybe that's not such a good word after all.

but yes, apart from that, today i truly appreciated what is known as the Aussie Summer...as i walked back to the bus-stop at QVB (for the very last time this year!!)...i could smell that pungent aroma of carefree-ness in the air...the smell of flowers and sunshine and funnily enough, Kentucky Fried Chicken...it felt good just walking back..and then coming home and jumping into the pool with May...ahh..bliss...it's as simple as that.

oh except the flies..if the flies weren't there...it'd have been heaven.

and yes, there we were, jumping in to the pool, me trying desperately to learn how to somersault into the water...ok, i admit, i'm not very good at all this jumpy-athletically-inclined maneouvers but at least i mastered it at the end...and i've got a video to prove it. MUAHAHHAA...i'll figure out whether i can upload it onto the net and maybe you guys can witness The Amazing Jumping Skills of Melanie Ho.

it's beautiful. once again, i amaze myself..hahahaha...

oh yea...a little digression for your benefit:

"But i don't like the Kluger anymooorrreee!! I like the X5 Diesel now!!!"

*doubletake* ... waaaiiitttaaminute.

hahahaha..that's exactly what i did when i heard Joshua utter those words...wth?? X5 Diesel?? man..this kid knows too much for his own good.

and yes...there's yet another war going into what has been now coined "The World of Blogs: War of the Words"...ok maybe, not War of the Words...more of like, War of Who Is The Sexier and Smarter Blogger of the World..and heck, in a weird nerdish-nightmare, they've even named this so-called world, Blogosphere or Blogdom...whichever way you're heading...

but..

I LOVE YOU KAREN!!

muahahaha...there you go you stinky singaporean with your smart-ass "???" signs...

more on this topic when i'm not so razzled and dazzled i.e. after the exams la, dumb.

hmm..

hm...

ok, i think i've covered pretty much what i wanted to say...

OH WAIT!!

yes, today i called the MAS headquarters in Sydney to reconfirm my flight back to KL...and i have to hold on the line for..no, not 5 minutes, not 15 minutes, not 20 minutes...but a freaking time-consuming and money-wasting 30 minutes!!! if i wasn't as patient a person as i am *coughcough* i'd have hung up.

what happened to technology?

"PleaseHangOnYourCallIsImportantToUs
We'llHaveAnOperatorGetToYouImmediately"

yea..important my ass...not as important as having me listen to that same pathetic-voice-recorded-attempt-to-try-to-make-things-more-human-like for 100 million bazzillion times.

bah.

ok..for you who REALLY have no clue..it's

4 DAYS!!

of departures, ghosts and men...and maybe a frog too

5 DAYS my time

today, i would've had stepped into the Sydney International and Domestic Airport for the 6th time this year. it seems a heck of a lot of times, and i'm still scratching my head trying to figure out how i arrived at the grand total. but i will scratch my head no longer and accept the fact that in less than a week's time, it'll be my 7th and last time entering the airport for the year AD2005.

the first time would, of course, have been the time when i first arrived in Sydney exactly 9 months ago to this very date. the whole affair had been, rather, warped for me. i left KL just the night before, expecting to cry buckets and buckets and yet, i held my composure, willing myself not to let on any bit of emotion...melanie ho doesn't cry easily, and i didn't want to be yet another statistic in the Great Count of People who Cried at Airports. but sad i was, and sad i felt. and when i reached sydney, i had to steel myself once more to accept the fact that this would be what i'd have to call home for the next 9-odd months.

then of course, the next couple of times were to send off my dad followed by my mom. once again, tears evaded me. i truly and mightily amazed myself at the so-called lack of emotion i felt...i thought this would be it, this would truly wrench at least a single drop of tear from my eyes...but, they did their job well in hiding my emotions. i took it with a smile, told them not to worry about me and watched as they turned their backs away from me as they walked into the Departure Lounge.

yet later, it was again, another send off of a friend of May's..Alex. at this point, i began wondering when it'd be my turn...for me to be the one waving at people with whilst i walked into the Departure Lounge and not the other way around. oh well...my time would come. one day.

finally, a break through the clouds. for the first time ever, i picked someone up from the airport, Linda. no more waving.

but breaks only come once...more often than not, it is the parting that dominates the world we live in...not the coming-together. so there i was, saying good bye to Uncle Cheong and family. this time, i was indifferent. i did not feel that sense of 'when will it be my turn?'...all i knew was that in a week's time, i'd get my chance to turn back and wave before disappearing into the Departure Lounge.

...it's insane, i know...

on a lighter note:

for the first time in 9 months, i read a Malaysian Newspaper! yes..it was the Grand Malay Mail, humble, doesn't really have great comics, and definitely not news-report worthy like The Star. but heck, it's a Malaysian newspaper and that makes it a GOOD THING in itself.

i just realised how out of date i am with the ongoings in Malaysia. what little news that i know of it has been kindly passed on by my parents or friends. and when i say little, i actually mean minuscule. and when i say minuscule, i actually mean, maybe 3 pieces of new altogether...which i can clearly tell you...

1. Haze affects Malaysia.
2. Death of PM's wife, Endon.
3. Capture-Release-Recapture of some chinese undergound king pin (thanks to aforementioned Malay Mail)

sounds like one of the biological experiments for dating the population of a species...Capture-Mark-Release-Recapture... hahahaha...oh tell me that you've heard of it!

yep...that's is basically all i know. if you think i know more, correct me now! i don't want to seem like such a frog-beneath-a-coconut-husk (for the benefit of my non-malay-speaking-rellies)

yes...and there was an article about ghosts, ghoulies, spirits and all things nasty in the newspaper too...in conjunction with Halloween. so yes, i read the article past the pontianak, the langsuir and the penanggalan and then i got the heebie-jeebies and threw the paper down...i couldn't venture further anymore... see? the damn thing still has an effect on me even though i'm miles away...geez.

maybe i'll continue reading it tomorrow...in bright daylight...surrounded by everyone else in Cherrybrook.

yes.

i think i'll do that.

and if you're wondering why i have so much time blogging and not studying...well...i'm at the point where i'm just indifferent. hey...it's just 3 more days before i'm done. gimme a break, will ya?

deep breaths it's ok.

still 7 DAYS

my last post was quite bitter...quite quite bitter...

there's no room for bitterness in this world.

SCREW YOU EQUATIONS!

aahh...i feel much better now.

anyways, today was pretty much spent nerding over Geology and it's multitudes of questions and quizzes. by god, i didn't want another recurrence of what happened on wednesday...never again will i be caught off guard, conned and played with by the university administration. and that was when i stumbled upon these little gems...




click on it to view a bigger picture...i regret to inform you that as my blog dimensions are pretty limited, you can't see anything at this current size.

Now can you see why i love Geology so much..? sometimes you've really gotta hand it to the Aussies to guarantee that you'll laugh even though you've done 100 multiple choice questions similar to this in one go before hitting this little gem.

You've gotta love 'em.

i hate maths.

7 DAYS

i'm gonna rant about my exam...so bear with me.

MATH1013: Life Sciences Differential and Difference Equations

it's supposedly the easiest of all the math streams offered in first year. SUPPOSEDLY. but this year they just decided to drop the whole effing bomb on us...yep...

"Let's just kill the first years, there's not been much excitement happening in the maths faculty this year..we haven't seen anyone jumping off the main quad for 10 years now."

yes, let's all go jump off the effing main quad hand-in-hand together in the spirit of unity. yes, let's.

ohfekremajiggyARGH!

the reason why i'm so peeved is that for the past 4 years, the paper has been very nearly IDENTICAL. yes, you heard me folks, it was identical. and then they decided that they'll have a little bit of fun with us. yes, first years are but instruments of pleasure for the exam-setters. not getting your daily dose of mental-torturing?? why not kill them with the finals paper instead? your kids ran off with the car and your wife ran off with another man? why not take it out on the first years by setting the very first question with an equation that has the sine, exponential and X-to-the-power-of-4 functions? whee...

yes..i think i'll go throw up some more.

my only hope now is that everyone else did so bad that i'll (hopefully) be moderated up. ohpleasegod, let that be true. judging from what i heard when we came out from the lecture hall, it's very highly likely. ohpleasegod let it be true.

the catchphrase of the day:

"Man, i'm so screwed...see you at winter school."

ohdeargod please let me not go to winter school.

CHEM1101: Chemistry 1A

it was ok. surprisingly. THANKS MR YAP!

The Countdown Begins...

15 DAYS

Mark your calendars for the 18th of November...

That's when i hit town.

on another note:

i've decided that i will NOT continue studying diligently from now...ok, i admit that the words 'study' and 'diligently' never come together when you're dealing with me...unless 'diligently' is put into the context of watching naruto..(which reminds me that today's thursday and Episode 158 is out..GO GET IT!)...or reading non-academic book, or idling my time away...

ANYWAY..

what i'm trying to say is this. i've been studying a lot this semester, during my breaks in uni, at home, even May has commented that she's been pretty impressed with me this term and that i'm doing much better than last term..

GAH!

the way i see it, the more i study, the stupider i become...my brain starts to clam up when i look at questions, desperately trying to remember all that i've read or studied...which is not good..because that means that i'm panicking...which is something i never do...throughout my 11 years in school and the 10 months in Taylors...which is why...i've survived so far and even come out looking quite good in the marks-department at the end of the year...which means...that right now i'm screwing myself up by studying too much for some silly first-year exam...which is why from today...or actually, from tomorrow:

I'll study what i want to, when i want to.

no more pressuring myself to study...been there, done that, doesn't seem to be working...

if i want to watch tv, i will.

and no one can stop me.

BEAT THAT, ACADEMICIANS!

ok...that was totally uncalled for...but do i care?

when shades of black and white turn grey...

blog surfing has taught me one thing...you'll find yourself pleasantly surprised when you come upon little gems of thoughts in which each word completely frames what you wanna say, but can't put out in words...kudos to the Smart Aunty!

"misunderstanding happens. but that doesn't give you the right to use it as a shield. or worse, a weapon. it's not a bad thing to be selfish. but then again, think of others before you get too self-absorbed. because, at the end of the day, the conclusion might contradict the hypothesis. and if it really does, i pity you, who caused the whole hoo-ha, and those who lent a helping hand.

because experience taught me not to judge by my presumption. "

i've been thinking about it the whole day. and although i acknowledge that i may have been insensitive, and for that i take all the blame...but i was really REALLY hurt by what you said to me.

you said that all i ever did was make dumbass-crack-insensitive jokes without thinking or making sense..i spent the whole day reviewing the jokes i've made, and that's the only one time that was remotely 'insensitive'.

you said that whenever you talked to me, all i ever did was make you angry...because i don't make sense.

well, here's what i think. i think i should be given free-reign on making and voicing my opinions even though it may or may not be insensitive. if you think it's insensitive, tell me nicely instead of jumping straight down my throat and i'll accept that i was wrong and respect your judgement.

from where i see it now...you've not only screwed me but also whatever foundation that our friendship was built on...if all i ever did was just to make you angry then i'm sorry. the friendships that i make, build and mould so whole-heartedly aren't meant to antagonize any one individual...if you think that all i ever did was make you angry, then i'll pull out now...no point having one angry person and another wondering what the hell went wrong.

i don't want to be the pot here but the many times when you were teasing me which bordered upon actual insulting wasn't very sensitive either and even more so when you ganged up with another person...but did i take offence? all i did was smile and laugh it off, because i knew you were my friend, and i knew it was all a joke...

i wish you could see beyond the self-righteous-holier-than-thou attitude that you've built around yourself and see that we're all capable of doing anything that you've labelled as 'insensitive'.

my last thought before i end?

i just wanna say, nice going...you managed to screw me and our friendship in one night...that's an amazing feat.

Boo says the Pumpkin

It's Halloween...

and i was thinking...why not post something to commemorate such an eventful day of the year?

Halloween...the night when all things evil roamed the face of the earth...when it's not safe to even step out of the house without first dousing yourself in holy water, reciting the Hail Mary 3 times and spinning around on your right leg twice...

ok, i made the last bit up.

but yes...ghosts. what do i think of ghosts now that i'm 19 and in Sydney? as an aside, my uncle once gallantly told that "There are NO GHOSTS in Australia..!!" after hearing that remark from him, i've always aspired to live in australia not because of it's amazing fish and chips, copious amounts of seemingly-free beer or cute caucasian guys...but because it was free of ghosts.

i used to believe in spirits when i was younger...i BELIEVED in them with as much strength as my little heart would allow me to and up till now i'll still swear that i saw something in Auntie Mazzie's house in Singapore...i'll not go into detail, but i'll just say it was a shadow of a woman right in front of me, while i was eating breakfast, impossibly cast on a wall that had no light sources shining upon it to create any shadows let alone that of a woman's.

i freaked and ran to my mom only to be sent out alone to the dining table again.

damn it.

sorry, i realise that my thoughts are a bit scattered...that's what happens when i talk about spirits...i'll try to reorganize.

ask me now if i believe in ghosts and i'll pretend i didn't hear you and i'll walk away. it's not that i believe in them, but it's not that i don't either...i'd just rather remain in a state of ignorance. if they don't exist, the world is a happier place...if they DO exist, well..

being a malaysian, it's sometimes hard to scoff at such things...the belief in the supernatural is HUGE...name me a malaysian who does not believe in spirits and i'll call you a liar. i might be silly, but when i was in malaysia, i'd never dare to look at a cemetary at night, when i look at a grove of banana trees i'd unknowingly shudder and heaven forbid if i ever made fun of Them. however now that i'm sydney, i don't do such things anymore...

i've got a theory.

in sydney, people generally do not believe, and hence, without belief, nothing can materialise. get me? without people believing in such things, nothing can latch on the idea and take form.

on the other hand, malaysians believe in them with heart and soul, and from belief stems materialisation. when you have a whole community believing in roughly the same thing, an idea can be formed and actually be made true. it's the same theory as believing in God. and as you should know, our country is RICH with ghost stories and personal accounts of the supernatural... everyone knows someone who's seen something or heard something...

***

argh.. i'm not even making sense to myself...

i'm sorry you had to go through that...

A VERY MERRY HALLOWEEN TO YOU TOO!