a message brought to you by MayBank.

the internet scene at my house is incredibly mind-boggling. as of RIGHT NOW, i am in 1-utama leeching off their wi-fi service. to be fair to myself, i did try to go to midvalley instead but, silly me, i forgot what a bitch midvalley can be when it comes to parking spots. every entrance heading in was shut so i had to enforce Plan B - which happened to be hightailing it to 1-utama.

anyway, there's this really cool lounge here courtesy of MayBank. it's right outside Quicksilver in the new wing and it has free wi-fi! i feel extremely cheated right now because earlier on i entered CoffeeBean to use their wi-fi and, in the process, ordered a cup of ice-blended chocolate which cost me rm12.30 just to find out that the wi-fi service in there did not work!! i am extremely pissed off right now. now, there's this young chinese boy sitting to my left who, i think, is about 13-14. he's bopping up and down on the seat singing avril lavigne's hey hey you you song. it's quite hilarious except for the fact that he's waving his hands up in the air and everyone's staring and thinks we're related (chinese) so it's kinda embarassing. i'd move except there's no more plug points.

FUCK.

good bye.

epiphany.

lately, i have been feeling seven shades of hurt. all i really want to do right now is to hurl something against the wall and watch it break into a million pieces as it falls down to the ground, preferably in slow motion.

i want to scream and rail and throw my voice out into the wind in hopes that it would be carried off to somewhere far far away. i want to stamp both feet on the ground and scuffle up some dust and dirt while i'm at it. like a 5-year-old throwing an epic tantrum, i want to kick something where it hurts the most and watch it crumble down onto earth, folding into itself and falling down on bended knees to eventually be reduced into nothingness.

i want to cry myself a river of Amazonian proportions.

instead, all i've been trying to do is to calm myself down each time i feel myself getting into such urges. there is no point surrendering to such emotions even though it might potentially provide some sweet sweet sense of relief. to aid in the calming, i've been reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, a computer science engineer who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. in his book, he says, "Ignore everything they say and see only what they do."

and i saw what you did. we all saw what you did.

however, it is not my right, or my place or even my business to comment on what you do. so i won't.



"we cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." - Pausch, R. (2008).

now i see you for who you really are.

i am home! no more thinking about Heliocidaris erythrogramma for 2 whole months. TWO WHOLE MONTHS!

might not be updating the blog regularly now that i am back on dial-up. it's so fucking slow that i can eat, shit and juggle 4 apples before my page loads up. SWEET!

Week 40: I am the Sperminator.

there is currently a running joke in the lab about how yours truly is a sperm expert with extensive experience after having handled sperm from 5 different species even though i am still a virgin!

bada-bish! show's over, guys!

anyway, let's talk about sex. HAHA! among my circle of friends in sydney (i mean, australian friends and not malaysian friends who are currently in australia - although now that i think about it, it might apply for both circles too HMMMMMMMMMMM), i play the role of the token young and naive greenhorn when it comes to sexual matters. all my friends are sexperts and they do not hesitate to tell me about it. and that's ok. i really don't care. as the token greenhorn, i listen and nod and question, as is my role to do.

case in point, tonight i had dinner with my current housemate (must say current or ex in order to minimise confusion, oh hello gen!) and a friend of hers. somehow through the course of the night, the topic of boys and the things they can do cropped up. so i listened and tried to feign interest all the while plying them with the usual 'umm's and 'ahh's interlaced with a laugh, a muffled giggle or a roll of the eyes. ya, i may be no sexpert, but i am pretty good at letting people think that i am 'one of them'.

however, what i find incredibly strange but extremely amusing is the reaction they have when they find out that i am still, ah how to put it, whole. this one guy in my lab, who incidentally started the above-mentioned joke, thought i was crazy. his first question was WHY?! followed by HOW CAN YOU NOT!? and so, to heighten the amusement that i was undoubtedly feeling at that point, i kept egging him on by being nonchalant about it. which drove him further to the brink of insanity. needless to say, we've had many a lively discussions about (insert serious voice) Sex: How Young Is Too Young?

to be honest, sex doesn't really interest me HAHAHA! no it's true. well, ok sure, i do get a rush of excitement when i see my boyfriend (when i had one), or when i touch his arm, or when we kiss but that never translates to actually wanting to do the dirty. reason 1: i'm deathly afraid of falling pregnant and ya ya ya you can say, but there's condom ma and birth-control pills and after-morning pills and IUD and the coitus interruptus but WHATEVER! everytime i even remotely think about sex i picture britney spears after which calm and order ensues. just take a look at her, she was a fucking trainwreck after she fell pregnant. reason 2: i have no money to spend on contraception and the likes. i'd rather spend my parents' hard-earned money on alcohol (yes i love alcohol SURPRISE but i am not an alcoholic) or food or clothes or whatever la. my daddy does not slave under the hot sun and breathe in wood chips and sawdust just so that his daughter can buy condoms. he slaves under the hot sun and breathes in wood chips and sawdust just so that his daughter can buy pretty dresses HAHAHA true story. reason 3: i'd rather do other things like watch tv, or sleep, or shopping, or read a book, or err..whatever la. reason 4: lazy la.

but then again, i'm not saying that sex is bad. the whole point is since i've never experienced it so i don't know how good it is even if people keep telling me it's fucking awesome (bada-bish!). so maybe if i finally come around to having sex i might switch camps and start advocating about how good it is and blablabla but until then, i will remain apathetic. meh.

don't let this deter you from talking to me about your sex life though HAHAHAH! i'm always here if you need an ear.

p.s. reasons 1 - 4 do not apply if James McAvoy, Gael Garcia Bernal or Daniel Wu is in the picture.

Week 40: I want to declutter!

as the days leading up to my return fall away from me like grains of sand in a freshly overturned hour-glass, i've been using my precious time by packing. and i'm talking serious packing as i will be moving out of the camperdown apartment and in to someplace new. hence, everything important needs to go into boxes while all the junk gets thrown out.

although packing can be such a colossal pain in the metaphorical ass, somehow it bestows me with a faint sense of therapeutic calmness too. there is something oddly satisfying about storing all that you are worth into white boxes taped over and marked. it is akin to saying, there, all that i am is neatly packed up and stored - order has prevailed and then you end this monologue by giving yourself a well-deserved pat on the back.

furthermore, packing is always inevitably linked to clearing and cleaning. within these two days i have thrown away so much junk and crap and useless bits of paper that i'm amazed i even had a space to sleep in my room! and it is amazing the things you uncover while you go on a packing rampage.

just an hour ago, i unearthed a whole stack of letters dating back to a period of my life for which holds no sentimental value for me anymore. it was kind of comical, really, as i took each letter out and re-read them because i kept asking myself, oh wow, what was i thinking?! but i did read all of them. some made me laugh, some made me cringe and some just did not affect me emotionally at all - it felt like i was reading another paper churned out by Nature or the Marine Ecology-Progress Series. and it was a little bit scary when that happened because i was analysing the letter with a scientific mind as how i would with a paper discussing about the implications of climate change. every word ran through my mind twice and i was trying to pick up the flaws and limitations in each sentence.

but the bottomline is - these letters hold nothing for me anymore. and i really want to discard them because all that they are now are just dead space, or rather, baggage. but then again, i don't know if i should, because it actually seems rather cruel - and for all the times that people (yes, including my mother, oh dear lord!) have called me heartless, cold, uncaring, unemotional and unfeeling, i actually DO have some semblance of conscience ok? i'd like to keep them - but what's the use of keeping them? i don't want to spend my whole life carting them from one place to another when they obviously are of no use to me anymore just because it feels like 'the right thing to do'. fuck that. the obvious and apparent 'right thing to do' right now is to declutter my life and remove as much junk and crap as possible.

ok thanks. i think i just made up my mind for me. i was hoping to open this up as a general question i.e. should i or should i not retain those letters even though they no longer hold anymore sentimental value however retaining them seems the 'decent' thing to do - DISCUSS but i think i've pretty much decided what i should do. ok. back to packing.

Week 39: Mr. Yap said, "No paktoh-logy."

hello hello! it's been a long while since i blogged about random every-day events. i noticed that my previous posts have all revolved around either my thesis or miscellaneous emo rants and we all know that that's no good.

so anyway, last thursday i met up with an ex-classmate of mine during the SAM, Taylors year. she was in sydney for a visit and wanted to have dinner with me and the cheenosaur. it was a pretty good night. there were much laughs and catching up. and also a sushi roulette. but less talk more photos.



the sushi roulette. BEST. THING. EVER! 6 pieces of salmon sushi, one loaded with wasabi. take your pick and after that it's all down to luck.



half of what we had. it was super nice la omg! and there was something else even nicer not pictured here. it's called umeshu which is japanese plum wine and OMG! BEST. THING. EVER!



ya, guess who got The Sushi? i have a feeling that Tourist Luck is probably an offshoot of Beginner's Luck. but check it out! the inside was hollowed out and stuffed with wasabi! sumpah if i ate that i'd have chucked up instantly. but good on Lichin for swallowing it all.



class of 2004. i don't think we've changed much eh?