Antarctic Week the-weeks-are-passing-too-fast!! : The return of darkness

night has finally befallen on the antarctic continent again! as a result, temperatures have now plummeted beyond comprehension. sigh. ok la, it hasn't dropped by a lot, the reason why i'm complaining about the temperature is because of the fact that we've not had any positive temperatures for the last 2 weeks. maximum air temperatures are now -4.5 degrees C. and that is at 12 noon sharp. yup. this is the real deal; this is finally the antarctica that i've always been dreading.

anyway, it's been a little odd now, to walk out of a building at night and not be greeted by light. it gets even stranger when i tilt my head up and all i see are stars, and no longer marshmallow-like clouds.

now that i've only got a month left on station before the big red taxi comes and brings us home, it feels as though everything has come full circle. i was here when the days started getting longer and then the night disappeared. and now, i'm still here as the night retakes possession of a domain that has always rightfully hers. all i need now is a full moon, and then everything will be perfect.

one more month, guys. it has been a good run. i'll be seeing all of you soon!

Antarctic Week I-cannot-remember-and-cbfed still: Chinese New Year and everything else that i'll be missing out on.

oh good Lord, it's already the middle of February! and can you believe it that chinese new year is just around the corner?! i've been talking to many of you who aren't trapped on an icy continent as i am, and all we've been talking about is chinese new year preparations, gatherings, ang pows and food! do you have any idea how torturous that is?!

to be honest, i can't even remember what i did for last year's chinese new year. i know i was definitely at home. oh wait, that's right. i gambled and drank a lot. and met LOLA!

anyway, this time around, cny will be fireworks-less, angpow-less, abalone-less, SUPER AMAZING REUNION DINNER FOOD IN SEREMBAN-less, gambling-less, yeos chrysanthemum tea-less, new clothes-less, yee sang-less round gempak-less, just super amazing chinese new year food-less, annoying chinese new year songs-less, long yuk (bak kwa/whatever you guys call it)-less, chinese new year cookies-less...oh, and did i mention gambling-less????

sigh. one thing that won't be -less would be alcohol HAHA! on that note, i've been trying to cut down on my alcohol consumption. i don't drink except on saturday and 'special occasions' haha. whatever la at least it's a start. good news is though, the station is gonna have a massive chinese new year celebration for me, which, i forsee now, will be filled with endless copious amounts of alcohol being consumed. i hope they have fireworks on station. i am going to dress up as a red guard of Chairman Mao's for the occasion because i believe in communism. besides, i've already worn that black cheongsam and black is inauspicious for chinese new year.

ok la, if i don't see you (which i highly doubt i will) or talk to you before that, well, happy chinese new year la to all you folks. team kajang - go get trashed and take shitloads of photos to show me ok? parentals - don't forget to collect angpow for me; just because i'm not there isn't an excuse to not receive angpows HAHA i'm not dead ok? OBS kaki - eh miss kailan and ahyun, just go out oni la ok? if that fatty too lansi and no one else can make the reunion, just go FUCK IT and have a good time by yourselves..i promise i'll be there in spirit...and to renren and eugenia - well..just get drunk la and collect angpows like there's no tomorrow - we're too young for work and wages! everyone else - well, i guess you know what to do la.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR FOLKS!

oh ps. ya fuck ahhhh i forgot chinese new year falls on valentine's day this year too. happy valentine's day everyone and happy birthday mom.

Antarctic Week I-cannot-remember-and-cbfed: Thoughts on leaving.

a most curious thing happened to me the other day. i found myself packing and taping up a box containing some books, photo frames and miscellanous items of clothing to be sent home on the third voyage out of davis. do not be alarmed though, i'm not returning on the third voyage, but rather, my stay in antarctica has been extended till the very end of the season (i.e. returning home on voyage 4).

anyway, back to that box - it struck me as a little humourous how, once again, i'm packing up my belongings to be shipped off to somewhere else. it feels like i've just arrived on the continent, but already the season is winding up, and in a little over a month's time, i will be back in the real world. and if i hadn't extended my stay right up till V4, i would've been packing up everything and not just mere books, photo frames and the like!

i've always known that time passes fast, but the speed at which it is passing me by is somewhat frightening! my adventure of a lifetime is drawing to a rapid close and i am beginning to feel a little reluctant about leaving all this behind me and only having memories to hold by. i know i still have a good 5-6 weeks left before i, too, leave on the aurora, and i guess i'll just have to make the most of it.

but honestly, after living here for 2.5 months now, it's starting to feel very much like home, just because everything is so routine and familiar. i'm beginning to wonder if i'll have any 'withdrawal' symptoms when i leave davis. i mean, i know everyone here, and everyone knows me. each of us have a very specific role in this little community, and in a weird way, we all feel as though we have a purpose in this environment. i don't think i've mentioned this before, but being in antarctica feels very much like being on an extended stay in OBS. perhaps that's why i like it so much here - the people and the social environment anyway (god forbid, i will NEVER grow accustomed to 20knot winds, although the temperature doesn't really faze my anymore). this must've been how living in Jonestown felt like, except more alcohol and drunken laughy boozy nights, and not so much crazed cult leader, cyanide poisoning and mass suicide.

i guess the reason why i'm feeling slightly apprehensive about leaving is that i'd lose that sense of purpose and role that i currently have now on station. here, i am someone. but when i return to sydney, i will once again be absorbed back into a community of a million nameless souls, and once again, be anonymous again.

there are so many things that i will be leaving behind on station when i return to australia, and i am not ready for that yet. so, should i keep running and hiding in the vestfold hills until the Aurora has no choice but to sail home without me? DISCUSS.

Hi again.

so i didn't make it. but i guess two days off the intended schedule isn't so bad. so here goes my post of past-year dumpage - it's gonna be worse than a bag of all-flavour liquorice (but that's only because i hate liquorice; you might not).

2009 was a year of firsts for me. it was also a year where i finally took things into my own hands and made decisions for myself. 2009 was the year where i was done worrying about others, their feelings, what they'd rather want (even at the expense of myself). essentially, it was the year where i looked out for me.

for starters, i received my very first paycheck (of which i am still extremely ecstatic about!), played grown-up and delved into the horrible world of real-estate agents, rental properties and bonds, became a University of Sydney graduate



and visited One Tree Island disguised as a teaching assistant.



the first half of the year flew by without me knowing and i admit that i was lulled into a false sense of security. i thought i had finally done something right because everything was going so good for me.

right after OTI, i decided that i would return to malaysia for a short visit just so that i could be with friends whom i loved and have not seen for awhile (yes Miss Yap, is you!). buying that plane ticket with my own money was possibly one of the best decisions i'd ever made for myself.



another excellent example was taking up the offer to go to Antarctica as a research assistant.



there is no way that i can adequately put into words just how grateful i am to have been given the chance to come here. saying goodbye to the real world for 6 months is worth it in exchange for the experience that i'm gaining every day and the new people i've met. this place has made me realise that i'm capable of doing so much more than i'd initially thought i could, and, as cliched as it might sound, has helped me understand myself that little bit more and discovering things about myself that i never knew existed. cheers to you, antarctica! you'll be in my memory forever.

like i said before, i was tricked into thinking that everything was going right for me. that the whole year was going to be right for me. somewhere in the middle, i got served with a slap-in-the-face reality jolt, by the person i would've never suspected. upon hindsight, what happened turned out to be a good thing. it opened my eyes to the true personality of someone that i had once cared very much for, one that i suspected but could never come to terms with even though i was repeatedly warned by those closest to me. it made me realise that i should be wary of who i place my trust in. it made me realise that everyone is looking out for 'self' so why wasn't i, and more importantly, why SHOULDN'T i too? it led me to breaking bonds with someone i'd loved dearly and cutting her out of my life, a decision that i've not regretted since. i know it might sound harsh, but honestly, if you had something parasitic or cancerous living inside you, would you choose to let it remain within you or would you have it removed from your being? and then, the pièce de résistance, it made me realise that forgiveness (and the asking of) is not a salve that you can rub onto anything or everything. there are some things in life that you can never forgive.

if you could forget that i was waiting for you all night, alone and worried sick, then you can forget me altogether.

life went on. picked myself up. realised that i've always been in love with the same person for quite some time now. when it came time, i decided to do what's right for me and made myself happy (the other person was rather happy too). i've not looked back since. and i AM happy for it.

so, that was 2009 for me. definitely a year that i won't forget in a hurry. 2010 has been cruising beautifully for me thus far, and i have a feeling that everything will be alright.