Hi again.

so i didn't make it. but i guess two days off the intended schedule isn't so bad. so here goes my post of past-year dumpage - it's gonna be worse than a bag of all-flavour liquorice (but that's only because i hate liquorice; you might not).

2009 was a year of firsts for me. it was also a year where i finally took things into my own hands and made decisions for myself. 2009 was the year where i was done worrying about others, their feelings, what they'd rather want (even at the expense of myself). essentially, it was the year where i looked out for me.

for starters, i received my very first paycheck (of which i am still extremely ecstatic about!), played grown-up and delved into the horrible world of real-estate agents, rental properties and bonds, became a University of Sydney graduate



and visited One Tree Island disguised as a teaching assistant.



the first half of the year flew by without me knowing and i admit that i was lulled into a false sense of security. i thought i had finally done something right because everything was going so good for me.

right after OTI, i decided that i would return to malaysia for a short visit just so that i could be with friends whom i loved and have not seen for awhile (yes Miss Yap, is you!). buying that plane ticket with my own money was possibly one of the best decisions i'd ever made for myself.



another excellent example was taking up the offer to go to Antarctica as a research assistant.



there is no way that i can adequately put into words just how grateful i am to have been given the chance to come here. saying goodbye to the real world for 6 months is worth it in exchange for the experience that i'm gaining every day and the new people i've met. this place has made me realise that i'm capable of doing so much more than i'd initially thought i could, and, as cliched as it might sound, has helped me understand myself that little bit more and discovering things about myself that i never knew existed. cheers to you, antarctica! you'll be in my memory forever.

like i said before, i was tricked into thinking that everything was going right for me. that the whole year was going to be right for me. somewhere in the middle, i got served with a slap-in-the-face reality jolt, by the person i would've never suspected. upon hindsight, what happened turned out to be a good thing. it opened my eyes to the true personality of someone that i had once cared very much for, one that i suspected but could never come to terms with even though i was repeatedly warned by those closest to me. it made me realise that i should be wary of who i place my trust in. it made me realise that everyone is looking out for 'self' so why wasn't i, and more importantly, why SHOULDN'T i too? it led me to breaking bonds with someone i'd loved dearly and cutting her out of my life, a decision that i've not regretted since. i know it might sound harsh, but honestly, if you had something parasitic or cancerous living inside you, would you choose to let it remain within you or would you have it removed from your being? and then, the pièce de résistance, it made me realise that forgiveness (and the asking of) is not a salve that you can rub onto anything or everything. there are some things in life that you can never forgive.

if you could forget that i was waiting for you all night, alone and worried sick, then you can forget me altogether.

life went on. picked myself up. realised that i've always been in love with the same person for quite some time now. when it came time, i decided to do what's right for me and made myself happy (the other person was rather happy too). i've not looked back since. and i AM happy for it.

so, that was 2009 for me. definitely a year that i won't forget in a hurry. 2010 has been cruising beautifully for me thus far, and i have a feeling that everything will be alright.