epiphany.

lately, i have been feeling seven shades of hurt. all i really want to do right now is to hurl something against the wall and watch it break into a million pieces as it falls down to the ground, preferably in slow motion.

i want to scream and rail and throw my voice out into the wind in hopes that it would be carried off to somewhere far far away. i want to stamp both feet on the ground and scuffle up some dust and dirt while i'm at it. like a 5-year-old throwing an epic tantrum, i want to kick something where it hurts the most and watch it crumble down onto earth, folding into itself and falling down on bended knees to eventually be reduced into nothingness.

i want to cry myself a river of Amazonian proportions.

instead, all i've been trying to do is to calm myself down each time i feel myself getting into such urges. there is no point surrendering to such emotions even though it might potentially provide some sweet sweet sense of relief. to aid in the calming, i've been reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, a computer science engineer who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. in his book, he says, "Ignore everything they say and see only what they do."

and i saw what you did. we all saw what you did.

however, it is not my right, or my place or even my business to comment on what you do. so i won't.



"we cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." - Pausch, R. (2008).

now i see you for who you really are.