Ground-breaking news.

After much deliberation, i have decided to swallow my pride, air my humiliations and bring myself to proclaim this:

I am putting myself back on the market after a self-imposed hiatus.

But before i do that, i shall have to inflate the value of my stocks. yes, it's so bad. so so bad. i can't even bear to say it...it's just bad. full. stop. my stocks have devaluated so drastically and are so low at the moment that it is already delisted from the market! sigh...must.inflate.value.

And how would you do that, my dear Ms Ho, i hear you say?

EASY!

Step 1: Buy and apply whitening lotion. Preferably Ponds. Because their advertising regime is so damn good that when i think whitening lotion, i think Ponds. No further reason.

Step 2: Lose weight. Apparently guys prefer thin girls. Plus there are so many size1s and 3s left on the rack...someone has to buy them. Why not me?

Step 3: Be less independant. A good friend of mine once gave me sage advice, he said: Mel, you know what you problem is? You're too independant. You should be more dependant on guys! Let them do more things for you! I hear you, Master.

Step 4: Go to a dentist and get that protruding canine fixed. Because, frankly, aside from being a plaque magnet, it's also terribly unappealing when it comes to taking pictures.

Step 5: Flirt more. Further sage advice from the Master, he said: Mel, you know what your problem is? You don't flirt enough. You need to flirt more! Then more guys will find you approachable and come to you! Yes, Master.

There...5 easy steps. I'm feeling rather confident that, given a month or two, i may actually make some progress and put myself back into this whole dating thing. All i need now are some stock advisers or stockbrokers or economists or whatever you econs people call yourself...i need your help! Teach me the way of the market and help me monitor it, can?

Oh ya, and to all you lovely lovely people who read my blog, if you have any leng chai friends who may just happen to be single, shove them my way, ok? I don't care if they're younger...i've come to accept that i AM a cradle snatcher after all...these are desperate times which calls for desperate measures. And i don't care if they're gay; one of my mission in life is to turn a gay man straight anyway. If that scenario ever arises, i promise and i solemnly swear now with the most vicious of oaths and sprinkling of chicken blood that I WILL REWARD YOU HANDSOMELY! With a bottle of Moet&Chandon thrown in as well.

So yea, i'm back in the market (??) ! Go shout it to the mountains. Yay.