Some things never change.

I am now officially the only person I know left who's still having exams. I don't remember if I've ever said this before, I think I may have but I really can't be sure. Anyway, I'll just say it again for good measure.

University of Sydney sucks. Balls. Sweaty dirty balls.

Anyway, I realise that I tend to get sentimental around the periods of end-May to June and I think I know why now. It's because I'm missing birthday parties! And it's especially tough when it's your 21st year. It feels terrible when you can't celebrate your 21st birthday with your family and close friends. It feels even worse when you can't celebrate your close friends' 21st birthdays with them!

I guess that's why I make up those birthday posts. Maybe it's just my way of making it seem as though I'm still a part of the celebrations (even though technically, I'm not). It just seems to me that if I acknowledge the birthday in some sort of concrete form, then I wouldn't feel so left out.

Truth is, I'm really really wishing that I'm back home right now. Like, literally kneeling on the floor praying to Jesus to grant me that wish kinda wishing. The kind where I'd even contemplate to sell my soul for (to a benevolent entity, of course). I'm missing (and have been missing) so many 21st birthday parties of people who mean so much to me! It's been 3 years since I last celebrated birthdays with people that I love. I mean, HECKIT, I've not even celebrated my Dad's birthday for 3 years already WTF?!

I somehow feel as though there's this gap between me and my friends (especially the high-school ones) and it is widening with each passing month and year. I find that I don't really know what's going on in their lives anymore, and these are the people I've known since I was 7 and upwards. Whatever knowledge I know of them is only the surface superficial kind...surface details, but nothing in deep like how we used to talk and share everything. And somehow, I feel myself becoming more and more like an outsider looking in on their lives. Semi-segregated, if you wish.

Sure, when I come home then we get together and talk but I find myself increasingly having to ask to be clued in on what's happening and shit. And the things that we talk about are mostly just reminiscence from the past. There's nothing substantial or concrete or NOW. It gets me a little sad when I think about how I'm slipping away from people I once knew best.

Sometimes I put the fault upon myself because it was my choice to pursue an overseas education and just up-and-left from everything I knew. I know, luckyluckyLUCKY me for being given a chance to interact with other people and seeing the world (or Australia, at least), and don't think that I'm not being grateful for it because I am! But I just feel that if I were to pursue a degree which could have been done locally, I would have been happy too.

All these crazy thoughts are currently rushing in, 31 hours before I sit for my final exam paper (it's Ecological Methods by the way...what CRAP!). Maybe pursuing that degree is not that important after all. I don't really care about earning top-dollar...cos heck, I'm still putting hopes on becoming an instructor in OBS (hoho!). What I really really want right now is just to be with my family and friends and everyone else that's dear to me and I think know I will be satisfied.

Whoa shit.

I dunno la...I know I'm not the only one going through such feelings and I've been told to swallow and take it in like a man. And since this post culminated from my initial decision to base myself in Sydney for the past 2 years and counting, there's really nothing much I can do except to wait this term out. This is the 3rd time I'll be quoting Frost (wow, I must REALLY like the man, or the poem) but I chose the path I'm on now and there's no turning back.

Man, I wish my birthday was in December...or January...or even February (but not towards the end of February) and I wish everyone I knew had their birthdays then too.

whoaaaa...for once i capitalised all my first words and 'i's. it was tougher that i thought.

One more exam before I'm done with this blasted semester! Wish me luck, since you guys are ALL ON HOLIDAY ANYWAY, bitches...and I presume you all have nothing better to do since all you do is pop me messages on MSN telling me how you guys are done with exams and how great it feels. Seriously, bitches wei.

Oh, and Yi Chian...HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY!
Wish I could've been there...considering that you're making my parents wear formal. HOHO!