Week 2: The end of Summer.

since coming back to sydney i've been having really weird dreams every night. it is either that i dream about home or i dream about rats...or both. and as most of you know, the former i love to bits and the latter...well, if Noah had allowed the latter to drown in the Great Flood, i would be a much happier person.

my dreams about home aren't anything extraordinary or has much to shout about. mostly i dream about me waking up in my own bed, brushing my teeth and walking downstairs to see my mom sitting at the breakfast table reading the Star. after the usual pleasantries, i would head off to, maybe, a shopping escapade with Nikki at Midvalley, or a yum cha session with Karen and the OB gang and finally winding off with shisha and abby at d'kampung. just very normal everyday stuff and nothing out of the ordinary would happen (eg. i win a million USD) that would indicate that i am dreaming. THUS i am fooled every night into thinking that, hey, i AM back home! WOOT!

waking up from a dream like this can be, and IS, a bitch. waking up to my handphone's annoying incessant beeping and realising that i'm clinging to dear life on the sides of my bed with a mess of suitcase+papers+random miscellaneous stuff on the floor being the first thing to greet me is truly disheartening. and it sets a very depressing mood for the rest of the day. because. i. feel. conned.

(and i don't like feeling conned. although that is exactly how i've been feeling for the past week but that's another story)

and then, during brief pockets of the night, my mind decides to switch from home-dreams to rat-dreams. and i tell you, it is bloody terrifying indeed. most times i wake up from such dreams with a scream in my throat and cheeks wet from tears. YES I AM SO FUCKING SCARED OF RATS UNTIL I CAN CRY OK EVEN THOUGH IT IS ONLY IN MY DREAMS SO FUCK IT. thank god for the fact that rat-dreams aren't as frequent as home-dreams; i've only had them 3 times so far. but then again, 3 times in 10 nights is a bit too much la.

like last night for instance. i dreamt there was this huge furry fucking ugly and disgusting GREY (wtf there are NO grey rats ok?!?!) rat standing beside me whilst i was trying to enter someone's house. and of course, i freaked out and ran straight into the house and onto a chair. and this person had the NERVE to tell me, "Oh nola, it's a rabbit...SEE *picks up rat and wiggles it in front of my face* it is a rabbit!!" well fuck you it is clearly a rat and not a rabbit and i'm 22 years old already don't you think i can differentiate between a rabbit and a rat, huh!? (at this point, i don't remember who it was that picked it up, but i suspect it was nikki...girl, how could you do this to me?!)

anyway, i started screaming and she just wiggled it a little bit more in front of my face and. then. she. dropped. it. on. to. my. back.

i tell you, all hell broke loose.

i could FEEL the claws scrambling down my back and the rush of fur which is too short to be soft yet long enough to poke you and make you feel uncomfortable...like a #2 cut at the barber shop. and so of course i was screaming and crying and then i suddenly woke up and tears were streaming down my face. and for a moment, i felt so paranoid that i threw away my blanket and just laid there in the dark, trying to listen to scratching noises.

sigh.

it's damn terrible la. either i get depressed or i get terrified. and these dreams are giving me such a headache. maybe i have such an aversion to dreams now that for the past 3 nights when i'm about to fall asleep, this really terrible headache invites itself in and i cannot sleep. fuck man, i'm subconsciously preventing myself from falling asleep. but of course i force myself to sleep la because i know that if i dont sleep i'm gonna be dead-er than the urchins i cut up daily. haih, why la is my life like this?

confirm tonight i'll dream either or and again.