Idle thoughts.

Good evening, everyone.

everything that i type in today's post will be highly irrelevant, this being because i've really got nothing much to do. i'm currently sitting on the extreme right of this couch that me and my housemate picked up from the basement..obviously abandoned in that desolate corner of the apartment block through lack of want. we've had this couch for about 2 weeks now and i have to say i'm terribly pleased with it. it can seat 3 people comfortably and can even be converted into a bed, if the need arose. it is much like yours, dan. in fact, it is exactly like yours.

so here i am now, sitting on the right side of this very comfortable couch, and Passenger Seat by DCFC is playing through the speakers. yes, i've already gotten speakers for my laptop albeit they were my housemate's...my headphones have fallen apart. literally: fallen apart. anyway, this setting is highly conducive for losing one's thoughts. there's a really nice sunset out there now; not the ones with pinkish-purple hues that i've posted on this blog before..neither are they of the same fiery standard as the ones i saw on Heron. this sunset is of a soft yellowy-gold with tinges of the very lightest blue sitting above. and over this bi-chrome are grey clouds spreading towards the horizon. and it's true, you know. every cloud that i see now DOES have a silver lining.

everything's pretty calm outside. Karma Police has replaced Passenger Seat. you know, there's something very haunting about this song...perhaps it's just Thom Yorke's voice and the way he sings the words. when he tells me that "This is what you get when you mess with us" i actually find myself believing him.

two planes have already flown through the sky since i first started typing this post: the first was a Virgin Blue carrier while the other was what looked like a long-haul Qantas plane. this reminds how attentive i have become towards aeroplanes since the commencement of my degree. each time i walked out in the open, i'd unconsciously pick out aeroplanes which flew above and over me. my reasoning was that it was due to my longing for getting on to a plane and flying back home. and each time i pointed my face towards its underside, i'd think to myself how lucky those people were, to be able to go where they wanted to and then i'd mentally tick off the months/weeks/days i had left before i too, hopped on to my own plane and took off from this land. maybe it's because i've been doing this so often now that i unintentionally snap to attention each time i hear the roar of the plane's turbine engines. however, thoughts of home no longer accompany my sight...no. there is something else. and maybe i will give an explanation one day.

the neighbour in the apartment directly opposite ours...he's on his laptop too and his balcony door is open. he's gay, you know. one night while i was watching tv, i accidentally glanced over in to his unit and looked through his room window. it was all lighted up and there he was, his bottom half in stark naked glory...and i could roughly make out a silhouette on his bed. upon hindsight, it's really nothing, because i didn't actually see anything much, except yellow skin but at that very moment, it felt so shocking and embarassing...i was embarrassed because i felt i had stumbled unknowingly into something which i was not meant to see. sort of like a violation of his privacy. needless to say, the blinds throughout his apartment was tightly drawn and i MADE myself not glance towards his direction throughout the remainder of the night.

you might not know this, but privacy to me is everything. sometimes i truly wonder why i blog at all considering that i'm so anal about privacy. it seems so awfully hypocritical to demand some semblance of privacy yet reveal my thoughts on everything over the internet...which is the last place you should go to if you wanted to hide. but then again, no. it's not like i'm trying to hide anything. everything that i say here i'll eventually tell my friends anyway. haha. so now not only am i being hypocritical but i'm also contradiction personified. maybe it's just my unwillingness to be seemingly advertising my sense of vulnerability to the masses.

many songs have passed since Karma Police. now i'm listening to Grazed Knees and i must say that it has become one of my favourites. i've actually been trying to play it on my housemate's guitar...but the positioning of my fingers for the second chord still befuddles me. my excuse is that i have short non-guitar-compatible fingers. but truly, it is a very awkward position. for the seasoned guitarists out there...it's actually 013010. i can't seem to figure the placement of my fingers...i've tried 1-2-4 but it just seems so awkward. anyway, i can't wait till my cousin gets back from malaysia cos then she'll be able to pass me my very own guitar. it's really nice of my housemate to let me monopolise hers...but i still don't feel too good about it.

the sun's really starting to set now and from where i'm sitting, my eyes are blinded by the dying rays. i feel like i should really shift my position because it might be bad for my eyes but then i really like how the orange rays glint and throw their shadows on my hair and on the contours of my face. and the funniest part of it all is that the sunset has morphed from it's original gentle, soft and unassuming form to one that now currently resembles the fiery Heron sunsets. it really strikes a chord in my memory and everything seems terribly deja vu-ish because just 9 weeks ago, i was similarly blinded.

to say that i miss Heron has now become an understatement. even i myself cannot begin to fathom how much i long to be back there. to me, that place feels like my very own Utopia...somewhere far away from everything i was familiar with, a haven from the crazy workings of a city life, an environment which did not pass judgement upon me, one that could only offer me beauty and serenity and nothing else. for once i felt like i could truly escape, to calm my thoughts and all the turbulence i had collected over the week prior and just start over new. escapism? perhaps.

it's starting to get cold now. about a million aeroplanes have passed since i first started. i can hear the cars on Missenden Road making their way home. and soon i will, too.