there are times when i feel like everyone around me is growing up and learning about the ways of the real world while i'm still stuck thinking we're all still kids. The time it really truly hit me was when you guys were talking about the stock market and all i could do was just sit back and try to make sense of it all.

because it is really scary when you guys know how to make money the adult way and i don't. and i honestly felt terribly lost when you were talking about stocks and bonds and exchange etc because i did not have a single fucking clue about what was going on. the only thing i knew was 'Unit Trust' and that's cos my mom kindly sat me down the day before and patiently explained what it was to me.

and i don't know if you knew how true your words were when you said guys guys i think we're boring mel...she looks darn blur...but they were damn true alright..!

i don't know about returns, i don't know about dividends, i don't know about investors and capital. sigh.

all i know is how to make clove-hitch knots, tie a secure hammock and catch a yabby without getting pinched by their damned claws. i know the ingredients needed to make a shot of Pink Pussy (the cat variety *koff*), i know why intertidal snails respire less in colder temperatures and i can give you a concise synopsis for The Odyssey.

but i know this is not enough. i still can't tell you what dividends are DAMNIT!

i don't think i'm ready to grow up and be an adult. i mean, godammit! i find no shame in performing out loud the shark story in Murni's! there is something quite wrong.