there is this tv screen in our dining hall that tells us important things, like how fast the wind is blowing, what temperature it is currently outside, how much water and fuel we used yesterday and today, how strong the UV levels are, and for the time being, the distance of the ship from station and how fast it is going.

from this screen, i can already deduce that there is a high chance the ship will get here tomorrow. nothing short of divine intervention will turn the odds around.

i feel like a damned fool for saying this, but i am suddenly getting cold feet about returning home. i am scared! now that the ship is (possibly) a day away, i don't want to come home. i don't want it to get here tomorrow. i hope it gets stuck in some serious sea ice. i hope one of its engines does a minor blow up. i hope it gets delayed for another couple of days. i just...i want the ship to stay out there in the water until i have adjusted my mind to re-entering the real world again.

it's hard to believe that this is all coming to an end, really. it feels like a long time coming though. at the moment, most of the sea ice surrounding the station has already broken up and blown off. it is really weird to think that i have been here long enough to see the sea ice, watch it break up, see it slowly refreeze to thicknesses of up to 1.7m and then, now, to watch break up again. the whole sea ice cycle is pretty amazing, but really rams home the notion that, yup, we've been here awhile.

how to deal with all these conflicted emotions? i'm sort of bracing myself for the sound of helicopters when i wake up tomorrow morning, but i guess i'll just deal with that when i come to it.