Melanielaa

Month 1 done.

2012-01-30T22:30:00.003+11:00

Tomorrow is the last day of January. I’m not even gonna go down that path anymore. All I can say is: Time, PLEASE SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. There, I’ve said my piece, and now, it’s time to move on.

What have I been doing for the month of January, I hear you ask (ok la, no I don’t hear you guys talking to me at all, I’m just trying to be mengada here)? Well, mostly work. I had a rather somber awakening when I realized it was Chinese New Year and I was, yet again, without ang pows, family, friends and Chor Tai Dee. However that dark cloud quickly dissipated as I'm such a cheery optimist (hah). All in all, Chinese New Year wasn’t too bad on station. Hell, actually, it was pretty awesome! We had rather authentic Chinese cuisine for dinner (courtesy to me, thank you thank you), I had my cheongsam on, there was alcohol – the only thing lacking was the gambling, but then again, I am in no financial state to gamble my money away.

Our assortment of appetizers. Clockwise from right: 5-spice chicken steamed buns, deep-fried pork and prawn wantans, LONG YUK (bak kwa, whatever you wanna call it) and deep-fried pork and prawn mince in plum sauce egg spring rolls (i.e., they were wrapped up in a fried-egg omelette thingo).

What's left of the CNY dinner - the morning after. Roast duck, char siew and siew yoke. Also braise taufu pok with broccoli and mushrooms in oyster sauce (no pictures of that because I was too busy eating on the night itself to bother taking proper photos).

Also, our boating season in Antarctica has well and truly started. The other day, we went to one of the islands not too far from station, and I felt like I was standing on top of the world. No matter how many times I go out in to the field, the scenery never fails to take my breath away. Sometimes I get cocky and say to myself, ‘Aiya, for what go out?? You’ve seen it before, stay indoors only la!’ but then when I DO get out, I’m like ‘Oh my Jesus Christ, this view is amazing!!’ I should really stop being cocky and just appreciate whatever Antarctica throws at me. It’s so beautiful; I really don’t want to leave (ahem)!

Ok la I’m just gonna throw together a bunch of photos even though you’ve probably seen them on Facebook already. I just want to keep reminding myself how lucky I am to be here!

Enter the Dragon

2012-01-19T05:03:00.004+11:00

Late night blogging, I have missed you.

It's been awhile since I've laid back in bed, propped up against pillows, head craned at an impossible angle (and one that any decent self-respecting chiropractor will look at with disgust and disapproval) with my laptop lying on my stomach. Just...typing away. It's a nice feeling; a strangely-familiar sensation, like walking down the hallways of your primary school, or, sitting down at a restaurant you frequented as a child a long long time ago, or, hearing the door creak open and seeing your beloved walk in.

Anyway, tonight's post is brought to you by the Foo Fighters live at Hyde Park 2006. But before I go into too much detail, here's a little backstory to fill you in: on station, we have a home theatre system. Most nights are Weekly Theme Nights. For e.g., Monday nights are Stargate SG-1 Nights. Tuesday nights are Disney Cartoon Nights. Today, being a Wednesday, meant that it was Live Music Night. And for this week's Live Music Night, we had the pleasure of watching Foo Fighters' frontman Dave Grohl sing and scream and sweat his heart and soul out to 85 000 screaming adoring fans at, yes, Hyde Park.

As he was belting his tunes out, one particular line stood out and started running circles in my head. It is the last line of All My Life, and it just keeps looping and looping and looping:

Done done on to the next one.

That pretty much sums up my days here on station and how I'm feeling now. Done done on to the next one. I'm ticking each day off as though I'm answering the medical form for my annual Antarctic Medica Checkupl. "Do you suffer from: short-sightedness (no), diabetes (no), heart murmur (no), asthma (no), conjunctivitis (no), shortness of breath (no), herpes (no), AIDS (no), halitosis (no...er, maybe)."

You get the drift.

For the first time, I feel as though I'm running out of time, and yet, each day is done done and I find myself going on to the next one. I mean, Jesus motherloving Christ, it is already THURSDAY! What happened to Monday?? I'll tell you what happened to Monday, it got done and I moved on to the next one, that's what happened.

Here I was, thinking: Gee whiz, Christmas and the New Year celebrations have come and gone - here's to another year! Now, I have something more to worry about - Chinese New Year! Dear God, ANOTHER CHINESE NEW YEAR away from home??? The answer is, unfortunately, yes. However, this year's CNY celebrations on station promises to be a better one, in culinary terms anyway. As of the start of this week, I have made 5kgs worth of Long Yuk or Bak Kwa or, more commonly known as HOMG-What-Is-This-Wondrous-Piece-Of-Sweet-Barbecued-Pork-Before-Me????, wrapped about 200 wontans, rolled a huge pot-full of tong yuen stuffed with peanuts, and there is still more to come! Roast duck, siew yoke AND char siew! Chinese New Year, come to mama.

The sad thing, though, is that, like Christmas and NYE, my 2012 Chinese New Year will most probably come with a bang, and then creep away from me like a thief in the night with no warning at all. All that anticipation, preparation and excitement for approximately 10 hours of fun (assuming that dinner starts at 6.30 pm and that I will eventually go to bed at 4.30 am, after heavy bouts of drinking and merry-making).

Then I'm done done and on to the next one.

2011 Wrap around!

2012-01-09T20:48:00.002+11:00

Hello again in the year 2012! My initial plan was to put up 12 photos for the past 12 months, but my procrastinating self got the better of me. There is much to be done: urchins to be killed, seawater to collect, larvae to count, movies to watch, songs to listen to, meals to be eaten, darts to be thrown, jokes to be laughed out loud at...you get the drift.

I can't say that I have much to complain about 2011. It was good to me, as good as it could be anyway. I have to admit that there were a few low-points throughout the year. Most of it were finance-related, but then again, hey...it probably could've been worse. At the end of the day, I'm still here being self-sufficient and not somewhere out on the streets of Sydney prostituting myself, so it's all good.

Perhaps it is a sign of pride, but I loath the idea of having to ask for monetary hand-outs from my parents now that I am actually working, however intermittently and irregularly. Perhaps it is also guilt, because they have paid for my tertiary education and all I have is a piece of paper telling me that I've graduated from a degree, that, at the end of the day, doesn't really repay them (and me) in dividends at all. If I were a lawyer, for e.g., perhaps I would be able to send them off for holidays around SE Asia, or buy dinner once in awhile. But I can't; not right now. But it's still good - I justify my 'unfilialness' (HAH!) by not asking them for any money at all and working out my problems for myself.

Really, I guess it's not too bad - I'm doing something that I love and I'm working in one of the remotest and most inaccessible places in the world. I should be thankful. I AM thankful.

Financial woes aside, 2011 was particularly memorable because I felt like I was rekindling and strengthening old relationships with old friends. I had one of the best holidays in a long time with two friends whom I've known since we were 7 - and all I can say is, I love you guys (eew..). There was so much laughter and giggles and stupid childish fun, something I was missing for a long long time. I believe we got to know each other a lot better, but I guess there's still more to be learnt. Vang Vieng 2012, Baby and Bruce?

In the months of 2011, I also learnt how to release the reins on everything I used to hold on to in the past. It took me awhile to figure it out and actually realise that there is a lot of truth in what someone very dear to me said a very long time ago. That it doesn't matter even if things end; at the end of the day, we should dwell on the good memories and be thankful that we ever had good memories at all (perhaps I am quoting him wrong, but it goes along those same lines). Whatever the right quote is, I was in love with one of the greatest guys ever. However, like all things Life-related, things happened and one day we realised that things just weren't meant to be. We're still best of friends though, and he is still my occasional Chettiar wtf so it's all cool.

Now, I am lucky enough to have found myself another great guy. I don't do this often: write about the people I am seeing, but he is very good, and I feel very thankful and lucky and blessed. I'm old enough now to know not to pour blind faith into every person I give my heart to, but I think, no wait...I hope that this will turn out to be a good thing.

Cheerio!

Christmas 2011

2011-12-16T23:39:00.003+11:00

There are 9 days to go before Christmas!! I hate to say it, but I'm actually really looking forward to celebrating Christmas on station this year. There is a tradition at Davis where everyone gets together and plays Secret Santa for each other - and I pulled a good friend's name out of the hat this year. I'm quite excited about the present I am about to make for him, and it will also be the first time I've ever made anything remotely carpentry-y in my life. I hope it turns out well.

ALSO, knowing that so many of my old friends were returning with me, I got together a whole bunch of gifts before I left. I'm not sure why I'm so excited seeing as I'm the one giving presents and not actually receiving any (yet), however I guess it is that spirit of Giving and seeing the delight wash over their faces when they open it that gets me going each time. I'm kinda bummed that I won't be at home (AGAIN) to celebrate Christmas, but I can safely say that this will be the last Christmas I will have to miss at E112 Lorong Jati Perak 1.

Anyway, back to the presents - I am very excited. At the risk of boasting, I gotta say, I think the presents that I'm giving away are AWESOME. I wish someone would give me those presents for Christmas. Not too sure what I'll be getting this year - it seems like there is a Christmas fairy on station, because the first year I received an electronic Sudoku machine that I loved to bits. And last year, I got myself my very own Leatherman (which is like a Swiss Army knife, but used by tradespeople), which was odd because the weeks leading up to Christmas I had been saying to Jess over and over again that I would LOVE to have a Leatherman on me to make our lives easier.

Also, I'm looking forward to the Christmas feast that we will be indulging once again: lobsters, cooked prawns, oysters, roast pork, roast ham, christmas pastries AHHHHHH...

Ok la, here's a Merry Christmas to those who still read my blog occasionally. Click on the picture for a bigger version to see if you can spot me.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2011-12-08T02:10:00.002+11:00

More on the topic of losing time - can you believe it that, as of tomorrow, I will have been on station for a whole month now!? A month!! A MONTH! Time is flying by so fast that even Superman would stop and go, Huh?...because, you know, Superman is faster than the speed of light etc etc..ok, never mind.

Work's been going at a steady pace. I can't really complain. Ok, wait, I CAN complain. Work is not bad, but being the person in charge of a team is shit. I hate responsibility, I hate having to jump through bureaucratic hoops and do the limbo under bureaucratic red tape, I hate Higher-Ups looking down at me and not taking my advice just because they think I'm 'Too Young To Be In Charge' and 'They Know What's Best For Us'. If I had a dick, I would've told them to suck it, because I'm not getting paid enough to handle this shit.

ANYWAY.

I'll try to put up some photos soon. I've lost the cable for my camera, I think I might've left it at home in Kajang, but I'll get those photos transferred somehow. STAY TUNED!

2011-11-18T23:00:00.005+11:00

It's so easy to lose track of time - or maybe, losing track of time isn't an accurate enough description of what is happening now. What I meant to say is that it's so easy to lose track of life.

It's been a month since I left Malaysia and I still occasionally dream of my time spent at home. It was particularly bad when I was on the Aurora on my way down to Davis. Every night, I would have very vivid dreams about being at home - nothing too exciting, just dreams of me sitting on one of an endless supply of plastic chairs in one out of an endless supply of roadside mamak stalls. In front of me would be something that could pass for any generic type of roti, accompanied by a generic sort of teh o ais limau.

Nothing too exciting - just the sort of life that I have missed for quite a while now.

It feels surreal to be back in Davis for a third time. For the life of me, I'd never imagined that I would be doing three forays into the barren south the first time I set foot on this chilly continent. Isn't it strange where the tides of Life take you while you're not paying attention? I never wanted this, or rather, it wasn't something that I had planned for for ages, or something that I had wished for or hoped for to happen all my life. It just...happened. I guess I must really be lucky despite my usual pessimistic self telling me otherwise.

I don't want to sound like a traitor to Kajang, or an institutionalised psycho - but coming back to Davis really does feel like coming home, in a sense. Stepping onto the sea-ice straight off the ship, trudging up the main hill leading up to the station buildings, casting my eyes on the icebergs out by the horizon - I still recognise a few of them from my very first trip. It is amazing how well these icebergs put up a fight with the ravages of seasons past, blizzards and scathing winds. Everything about this place seems to echo 'HELLO! It's YOU again!' - it feels odd, because I don't belong here, yet, in a very weird way, I feel like I do.

It feels good to be back. And already, I can feel Life snatching away each precious minute that I have here. Back then, I would have been quite upset, but it doesn't really matter anymore. Three times was more than I'd ever hoped for.

I guess Antarctica can be summed up by these two quotes - though polar opposites of each other, but absolutely, absolutely true to the essence of this place.

"First you fall in love with Antarctica,
and then it breaks your heart"
- Kim Stanley Robinson

"Great God! This is an awful place"
- Robin Falcon Scott, Antarctic explorer
who died in pursuit of the south pole.

There's nothing I wouldn't give for a bowl of this RIGHT NOW.

2011-10-07T01:23:00.002+11:00

How is it that I am now on to my very last week in Malaysia? It feels like I'd just arrived home after 12 hours of pre-flight angst and hell, and now, I have exactly one week to say my last goodbyes, pack up my bags and go.

So far, the holiday has been a blur, but the good kind of blur. The highlight would definitely have to be my trip starting from Penang through to Kanchanaburi and finally ending up in Bangkok, Thailand. It reminded me so much of the roadtrip I took so many years ago - driving from Sydney to Cairns - because it was so impromptu, and we travelled each day not knowing what to expect for the next.

What took me most by surprise about the trip was my willingness to jump onto a little 110cc Honda Click-i and take a 65km ride to the Erawan National Park in Kanchanaburi, and then riding 65km back.

In a nutshell, for the duration of the trip I ate some of the yummiest food ever to cross my palate, I saw things and scenes that took my breath away, I laughed till I ached with tears streaming down my eyes, I met some of the nicest and most helpful people (only in Thailand) and I expanded my Life Repertoire just that little bit more.

Thailand? Awesomesauce.

HOOOOOOOOOOOMEEEEEEEEEE!

2011-09-19T19:56:00.003+10:00

After nearly a year of being away, I am back in Malaysia! It has been 5 days now and i'm still completely overwhelmed and caught up by this country i call home. Everything has been amazing and nothing much has really changed, apart from a few new buildings here and there, and the disappeareance of other older ones.

The food...THE FOOD oh my God, the food. The food has been excellent! I made a pact with myself the day i left Sydney that ne'er shall this mouth of mine receive anything remotely western - i shall dine on true blue malaysian cuisine for the whole month that i am back, and i mean to keep my word!

It has been great seeing family and friends, calling up the usual suspects and delivering my opening line "Yo wassup ma nigga", laughing over endless cups of teh o ais limau crowding around a table at the dodgiest mamak in kajang. The laughter; the laughter amongst kindred souls who 'get' my jokes are what i have missed the most.

Anyway, i'm off to Thailand...i'm not trying to raise my expectations about the trip but GOD DAMN it is gonna be epic. I HOPE it will be epic! It'd better be epic. The best thing about this trip is that Abby Baby and myself will be doing it the old fashioned way - backpacks and train rides! Our itinerary will include Penang, Kanchanaburi, Bangkok and Ayutthaya and i am fucking excited!! I have never been to Thailand before apart from Phuket and Hat Yai so i'm definitely keen on seeing a little more of what the country has to offer!

All i can say is, good food (for sure, that is no doubt we are in fucking thailand), good company AND a sense of adventure...what more can i ask for?

Be back in a week.

2011-09-11T14:29:00.001+10:00

It's like my liver is, somehow unconsciously, being prepared for the eventual onslaught of alcohol in the following weeks. Since the previous weekend, I have been drinking alcohol in quantities that have not been seen for quite some time. My excuse is that, "I'm leaving so it's party time in Sydney Central!" but I think I'm secretly desensitising my body to the many wonderful (and un-wonderful) effects of good old R-OH. The last thing I want is to be seen as a 120-pound weakling by my friends back home.

Le sigh, the measures I go to, to keep on-side with them.

Anyway, the countdown begins, I guess. I have my visa, my bags and my plane ticket. All I need is for the 14th of September to hurry down in two shakes of a lamb's tail (been watching Pulp Fiction..too much) so that I can board the MAS carrier and be homeward bound.

MAS, because I'm patriotic like that.

2011-09-06T00:24:00.000+10:00

Last night, I dreamt that I was about to die, and you said 'No', held my hands and started to cry. It was then that I knew you truly loved me. I wish my dreams would maintain its levels of romance but perhaps cut down a little on the morbidity.

Anyway, one more week and a day before I arrive in Malaysia. The upside of quick-time is that holidays come by faster. Yet the downside of quick-time is that holidays will go by as quickly too. Not sure if I'll be able to get everything sorted and worked out the way I planned, but you know what?

Life's too short to give a fuck about the small stuff. We only live once, and I'd rather spend my endless numbered days worrying about what part of the world I'm going to see next, or, how best to heap affection on my loved ones, or, when to laugh out loud (answer: WHENever).

Goodnight, World.

A Jackette of all trades

2011-08-27T23:46:00.001+10:00

My apologies for being such a whiny little bitch about work for the last couple of weeks or so. I'm almost certain that everyone has had bad days at 'the office' hence I was not actually adding anything valuable to the debate, but merely stoking the flames of discontent.

The upcoming Monday will be my third class for MBLG, and after re-reading the demonstrator notes, it doesn't seem so bad anymore. In a way, I'm actually looking forward to the class because the prac for this fortnight seems easy and straight-forward enough.

If anything, the teaching jobs I've taken up since returning to Sydney have taught me to pick up and (re)-learn things at an astonishing rate. I am now adequately capable in teaching students about the neural control of flight circuitry in locusts, non-Mendelian patterns of inheritance and, specifically, sex-linked genes and the white-eye recessive phenotype in fruit-flies, the many uses of spectrophotometry, and now, the clinical importance of LDH assays in determining whether or not you have hepatitis (a drunk) or a heart-attack (lover of bacon and McDonalds). Both characteristics, of course and scarily, fit me to a T.

As you can perhaps deduce by now, there is not a single thing related to marine science. But that's ok. I'm (kind-of) enjoying learning new things. And the money's good. So the world is all right and back in balance again.

I have 2.5 weeks before I fly out of Sydney and straight into the waiting and willing arms of Kajang satay, E112 and Malaysia. AND I CAN'T WAIT! The packing's going alright. I have enough boxes to build me a land bridge to Melbourne and the AAD can go fuck itself (and by that I mean I've sorted out 83% of what is needed for the trip already).

Happy days.

2011-08-22T01:36:00.001+10:00

I am beginning to think that I may possibly have bitten off more than I can chew. Did I really think that I could organise EVERYTHING in 3 weeks' time? So much of the up-coming season depends on my organisational abilities, and the Good Lord knows I have none of those skills required to pull it off.

The things that are currently running through my mind at 1.41 am are boxes. Boxes boxes boxes. Where can I get boxes? How many boxes will I need?? Why did I throw all those boxes away???

Also running through my mind is 1) VISA and 2) manuscript to polar biology and 3) why does a fucking pair of waders cost so fucking much (~AUD1000 per suit) and 4) MBLG next Monday and I haven't got a fucking clue what the class is about (no time to read lab manual) and 5) why aren't I packing up my room yet (which leads to..) 6) WHEN should I start packing up my room (when I get those damned boxes and have some respite from the fucking MS) and 7) why the fuck did I agree to become Project Leader?

That's right, why the fuck did I agree to become Project Leader????????

I am quite tempted to pull an all-nighter and start packing shit up but I know I'm just being stupid. I can't wait for my Malaysian holiday to begin! I guess before you attain Nirvana you'll have to go through some sort of version of Hell...7 times over.

2011-08-20T01:03:00.000+10:00

I'm feeling a little sorry for myself tonight. There are times when being far away from home really feels like a kick in the proverbial guts, and tonight is one of those times. A really good friend of mine is celebrating her 25th birthday back in good ol' malaysia (MILESTONE!) and everyone's there celebrating with her, pouring her drinks, singing her badly off-tuned songs (Redbox party le sigh) and buying her pink cakes wtf. Everyone EXCEPT ME wtf.

Tonight, I'm also missing someone dreadful =( =( =( =( perhaps it's a side-effect of all this rain and gloomy weather we've had today. I thought I had trained myself up well enough to cope with our current arrangement BUT! =(

If ever there was a time where I wished time would just FLY by, now would be it. 3 weeks and 5 days till I reach the shores of my beloved homeland (15 September, write that down) then another month and a week before I hop onto the ship and start another 6-month icy adventure with MY Muppet. Yup. Mine, all mine!

Ok, I shall go to sleep now. I've been having really REALLY amazing dreams this whole week, and they're not even of the 'wet' persuasion (calm down, I can tell you now that I've never had one of those before. EVER. There must be something wrong with me). Nooooo, the dreams I have been having are way more awesomer. For the first time, I had a flying dream! Then the next night, I had a flying horse dream! And then...I can't remember what else I dreamt of but they were all awesome and I didn't want to wake up and wanted to continue dreaming hence I've been oversleeping and waking up really late this past week wtf. But tomorrow is the weekend so, I fucking better get awesome dreams tonight again.

2011-08-11T02:06:00.001+10:00

There are a lot of things that may conjure up feelings of frustration. Like, having Firefox crash on you EVERY TIME you want to attach an important document to an important email to be sent to someone important. Or, listening to the same old tired excuses and justifications pouring out from some same old tired self. Or, not being able to have control of the tv remote control and having the ABC news (of which you were watching) being channel-flicked to 'World's Strictest Parents (come on). However, at this very moment in time, there is nothing more frustrating than insomnia.

Yes, Insomnia, why do you plague me so?? I have spent the last 2 hours with my eyes wide open and my brain alert to every single distraction in my surrounds. I have tried tossing and turning, sleeping on my side, listening to the Bookends Theme by Simon & Garfunkel REPEATEDLY, and reading facts on Fight Club, Pulp Fiction, Quentin Tarantino and The Graduate on Wikipedia...to no avail. I have finally resorted to blogging, perhaps the remedy lies in purging my brain of words.

I wonder if this is a side-effect of being anxious. Not that I'm saying that I have an anxiety disorder, but. Of late, a lot has been occupying my mind. Work. Pleasing the boss and making sure that everything is on time. Coordinating the coming Antarctic season. Having to relearn subjects from First Year, that I thought I'd never see again, so that I don't look like a complete idiot in front of my class. Moving out. Storage space. Packing up. Airplane tickets back home. The outrageously and unreasonably expensive cost of airplane tickets. Wages. Rent. Money. Somehow, it always boils down to money.

Not that I'm destitute or anything. I just don't ever want to be in the place I was 4.5 months ago.

It almost seems ironic that the last thing I watched on tv was Fight Club. The hero, an everyday man weighed down by the banality of life and the relentless hunger of consumerism and for IKEA products, ends up with insomnia and becomes crazy. Or at least, crazy-ISH. Perhaps it is not irony at play but a some-what befitting consequence of letting the little things in life get the better of me.

I wish I was tired. No, actually that's not correct; I AM tired. But I wish I was sleepy instead.

2011-08-06T00:52:00.000+10:00

As much as I hate to say it (because, after all, Sydney IS a great city to be in), my life post-Winter-in-Melbourne is a bit of an anti-climax. Since my holiday ended, it has been nose-to-grindstone for me. Basically, what I'm trying to say is: My life isn't very interesting nor exciting for the time being. As I don't actually have any pearls of wisdom to impart to my readers (haha, readers..more like reader) today, and seeing as it is already 12.50 a.m. here and I'm still not sleepy (insomnia), I shall just do a quick update on what I've been up to.

1) I think I have bitten off more than I can chew. In my quest to Find As Much Money As I Can To Pay Rent And Live Semi-Comfortably Without Having To Resort To Prostitution Or Handouts From My Parents, I've taken up the role as a demonstrator for Introduction To Molecular Biology MBLG 1001. The reason why I say I am sort-of floundering in deep water is because the last time I handled anything remotely molecular biology-ish was back in first year of uni. In essence: A long time ago. It is not something that I don't think I'm incapable of picking up after reading the prac manual a couple of times or more, but, coupled with my intense loathing and scorn for First Year students (I will give an explanation as to why I feel this way a few weeks down the track, once I am fully steeped in First Year filth), it makes this job that much more challenging. I'll see how I pull through out of this one.

2) Ever since I received the greenlight for a third and final (HAHA) season in Antarctica, I have been going on a food bender. Last Friday, as I was walking home from work and struggling with the idea of cooking dinner for myself, I ended up with a 2 pieces of the most amazingly deep-fried fried chicken from Clem's Chicken Shop on King St, Newtown and a pint of tri-flavoured gelato (bitter dark chocolate, lychee and mango). Then on Sunday, I went to Paddy's market and stocked up on fruit: mandarins, slightly over-riped persimmons (eaten) and a pineapple (also eaten). Continuing on the same vein, on Wednesday, a friend from Antarctica paid me a visit in the lab and we ended up at Max Brenner's to discuss our project Plan of Attack for 2011-12, with me sipping a tall cup of toffee milk chocolate frappe. You think that's bad? Today, Hong and I decided to have a day off and went to the beach. The weather was gorgeous and I ended up with a double beef 'n cheese burger (McD's), a salted caramel eclair and two macarons (salted caramel and passionfruit; all three from Patisse) all of which I enjoyed by the rockpools of Little Bay. Talk about living the dream. Then for dinner, I had the world's biggest sushi. It might all seem a bit excessive, but my theory is this: seeing as I shall be depriving myself from the sort of food that I love, I might as well savour it all NOW. Brilliant plan, 10/10.

3) I still have so much seratonin pumping through my brain right now as a result of a conversation I had last night, perhaps it is what's contributing to this state of insomnia. Happy days.

4) I can't stop browsing through ASOS...Help!! Through some Herculean feat of willpower, I managed to stop myself from buying a pair of dungaree shorts, even though it was half-price. Because I told myself I needed to save money if I wanted to achieve this food bender. Even though it was half-price.

5) I'm just adding on a point #5 even though I don't have anything more to say, because I'm chinese and superstitious and didn't want this post hanging at #4. Mission accomplished.

Winter of 2011 done the Melbourne way.

2011-07-29T16:50:00.005+10:00

I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing about my travels and escapades. I was randomly flipping through my older blog posts and realised how much I enjoyed reading about the traveling shit I've done in the past. Just looking at those photos again is enough to bring a smile to my face and a melancholy sigh to lips - where did all the good times go??

No matter. I can always start anew again. Anyway, if you haven't already guessed it already (and if you really didn't get it, shame on you) I was in Melbourne for a solid 10 days. Melbourne is so awesome. I feel like I can't repeat it enough - Melbourne really IS awesome. I sat down at one of the tables in one of the many rooftop bars that dot the Melbournian skyline, and a friend said to me, You know, you belong to Melbourne. You are more Melbournian than a lot of the people who actually live here.

Well put, Lolli.

Anyway, pictures are up - these are just some of my favouritest shots that I took whilst I was there and they are arranged in chronological order. I'll probably do a running commentary (or not, depending on how I feel) but it's all pretty self-explanatory.

Flinders Street Station. Possibly one of the most iconic buildings in Melbourne, apart from the doorway of Oldtown Kopitiam in downtown Chinatown. True story.

You + Me won't be unhappy. One of the best pick-up lines I have ever, and will ever, come across in my life.

The Royal Exhibition Hall where lucky University of Melbourne students sometimes get the privilege of sitting in for exams.

Where Lolli uttered those fateful words. I think --- I will try my hardest to make it come true. Promise.

2011-07-24T01:14:00.002+10:00

For 5 days, my heart was so happy and full of gladness that I thought everything would brim over and explode. Every night I went to bed wishing against Reason and Logic that time would either a) slow down or b) add a couple more hours in a day. There were so many moments where I would've loved to freeze and just leave it framed for eternity, but of course, I am no magician and can't bend time to suit my will or needs.

I am in love with this city and this most recent trip has done nothing but to further reaffirm why I should pack up and move down as soon as I reasonably can.

Yellow fingers and baby shampoo. Black t-shirts and Monet. Everything about it screams I miss you so.

2011-07-12T16:20:00.002+10:00

Press Play before you begin scrolling down. Thanks.

Any ideas where I'll be from Saturday onwards?

2011-07-09T13:21:00.000+10:00

Isn't it annoying how time just sneaks up on you? I've taken to measuring time with rent i.e. when rent needs to be paid, which, unfortunately, happens to be this weekend! Rent is paid every fortnight and so, PHWOAR another fortnight has already gone!

The exact moment when my Life became defined by Rent is unclear. I mean, this is the 5th year I've been living on my own and, technically, I've been paying rent ever since. But I don't think my life has been dictated as such from the beginning. Rent has always been a part of my Life, sure, but I didn't think it played such an enormous role! Perhaps Rent started taking a hold on me when I returned from Antarctica for the 2nd time and realised how liberating the 6 months I spent there was, when I didn't need to pay Rent apart from the monthly storage fees, which were quite measly when compared to my previous monthly Rent fees.

I am waffling.

Anyway, this Idea that I'm living my Life centred around Rent is quite dismaying. As much as it is a necessity, I still wish it wasn't so. However, Utopia does not exist hence this cycle we are all in.

I read in an article about squatters and the ideals behind squatting, and it was quite an eye-opener. Apparently, there are thousands of livable properties in Sydney that are abandoned. They are perfectly livable, but there just isn't any access to it. Enter the squatters, who refer to themselves by the more glamorous term, Property-sitters. Their principle is that, rather than overcrowding and causing over-competition in the already-stricken rental and property market of Sydney, why not ease the situation by finding accommodation in these abandoned buildings? Not only are they delaying rent-hikes, but they're providing a human presence to abandoned buildings.

What struck a chord with me was this statement from one of the squatters interviewed, "Why should the fruits of my toil and labour go towards paying someone else's mortgage?".

So very Utopic indeed. But upon further reflection, I guess that is the current price to pay for stability. It is all very well to squat, but the threat of eviction will always be there. Also, I might resent paying for someone's mortgage, but I hate the idea of having my own mortgage more. Perhaps cycling my Life around Rent is the best for now.

Did you just waste your time reading 6 paragraphs and 1 line just to find that there's no grand resolve over my Rent issue? Yup. Shit happens.

2011-07-02T22:21:00.002+10:00

As I was walking out to church today, the air smelt faintly of chlorinated swimming pools and the smoky embers of a barbecue pit. It struck me as rather strange because these were smells you would associate with Summer, yet, it is the height of Winter in Sydney.

Not that it has been a cold winter. Perhaps it is just myself that has changed. Perhaps I am now more tolerant to the colder climes as I've had a year's worth of living in sub-zero temperatures. Still, having these olfactory cues to remind me of summers that I have missed was quite a pleasant surprise.

I received some excellent news regarding my forthcoming trip to the deep South and I have to say I am very pleased about it. It appears that, perhaps God has taken a fancy to me and have started answering all my prayers. I'm not a religious nut, but when I receive news like the one I had yesterday, it just reaffirms my fledging faith that, yes, there MUST be a God out there.

It might sound a bit odd but I think I'm really going to miss going to Church when I'm in Antarctica. I'm not trying to curry favours with God now that I think He's answering my prayers, but yea, I think I'll miss having my weekly conversations with Him. I've never been a religious person, at least not to the standard of the Roman Catholic church, but I do think that my faith is strong, and besides, too often do people confuse Religion with Faith.

Anyhow, two more weeks before I hit M-Town, and I gotta say, I CAN'T WAIT! I love Melbourne, I love all the people there and I love that I always have a good time! It is so much more than a holiday destination to me; at times, it feels like I'm coming home, and so, this homecoming will be pretty sweet indeed!

What do they say...Journeys end in lovers' meetings?

2011-06-29T21:16:00.002+10:00

This is quite embarrassing. I find myself running through combinations of names and have finally settled on a few personal favourites.

This is quite a revelation. By understanding that you were probably the worst mistake I could ever commit in my life (not you, Cat, rest easy), I'm glad it was committed whilst I was young. And anyone else from now on can only be better.

This is quite exciting. I have all these things I WANT to cross off on my to-do list before October rolls around, and I'm determined that they get crossed off thank you very much.

This is quite.... I just know that I am happy and have all 10 fingers and toes crossed for good luck.

This is quite a surprise. Perhaps it is time to settle our differences. Or rather, for me to bury the past and reach out again.

2011-06-25T21:06:00.001+10:00

If you're wondering 'Why the sudden spate of posts' in a once-defunct blog? Let's just say, it is all thanks to my new Baie Noire. I LOVE it and I can't stop my fingers from going clickety-clack all over it!! I still wonder to myself, why didn't I get myself into this technology sooner??

I'm feeling like quite a technological retard, but it's ok...the most important thing is that I'm here now, and that I have a teeny tiny computer in my hand. Perhaps this will be the answer and reason I need to get back into the habit of writing again.

Ok la, I just declined going out to Marble Bar at the Hilton Sydney with the Hongster, I'd better make the most of my time in tonight. I do feel like an old-fogey sometimes ( was telling my cousin some story today, and the words 'back when I was in my 20's..' Escaped from my mouth. Cue the biggest eye-roll I've ever received from someone) but I guess if I want all the plans that I've laid out so far to be successful, I shall have to work harder to save. Here's to Operasi Jimat Duit!

2011-06-25T14:04:00.001+10:00

It appears that life seems intent on making me MAKE decisions for the near-future, something I've always had quite a distaste for. I might as well just say it now and have it out in the open: This little Missy is most likely (and when I saw 'most likely' I mean, like 87% positive) going back to Antarctica for a third (and hopefully, final) consecutive summer season. Yup. Who'd have thunk it, eh?

Without meaning to, I've become some sort of hack-job pseudo-Antarctic veteran. Although, I have to admit that I like that term, Antarctic veteran. Who knew that the cold-hating Marine Biologist from Kajang with no career aspirations would end up quite this far?? And to think, someone once asked me if I wanted to be a fisherwoman with my marine science degree.

All fine and dandy, but all this just means that I will MOST LIKELY be missing another christmas, Chinese New Year etc etc you get the drift. The good news is, this time around, I'm getting paid for my capacity as Aquarium Bitch and all-round science-slave on station. Not too bad, I guess, in the scheme of things. However, I still wonder if I might've, perhaps, rushed in to such a decision? I'll most likely come to regret it when February 2012 rolls in and I'm missing all my CNY delicacies I've not tasted for 3 years now.

Anyhow, more good news; as I will MOST LIKELY be going back to the southern wastelands, I have decided to come home to Malaysia for an extended holiday before I start the third season. It also helps that the end-lease date at my current place will coincide with when I want to leave. So, all's good with the world again, I guess!

Anyhow, stay-tuned for more Meladventures. For the time being, I shall be saving up as much as I possibly can. And perhaps complete the scarf I have been knitting for some time now, the only stable and constant thing in my life at the moment.

2011-06-23T13:58:00.003+10:00

It is very quiet in the lab today. The other person that was in the office was the current Honours’ student, and he has already left for the day. I’m beginning to wonder if it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to walk out in an hours’ time too.

Recently there has been a bit of a debate going on about Generation Y, and how and why we were a bunch of lazy, slack-arse, mommy’s-boys and daddy’s-girls. The members of the other generations (mostly just Generation X) are worried about the outcome of the future, especially once they have to release the reins for us to take over. How will the World function??, they cry and wring their hands, eyes heaven-ward.

I can understand where they’re coming from. There are days where I feel like I’m the archetypal stereotype of Generation Y. I have no responsibilities apart from making sure that I deliver the rent to my cousin on time, I start my working hours as and when I feel like it because my job does not require me to be there from 9-5, and if I don’t feel like going in to work, I don’t. I work enough to make sure that I earn enough to keep me surviving in this harsh and oft-times vicious city (plus a little more for when I feel like entertaining myself), and I make sure I have a little to save and to tide me over till my next paycheck comes in.

Generally, I am usually awash with a sense of apathy. I don’t really care for politics, although that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about injustice. I’m not part of a Union, I don’t bay and hound for equal marriage rights or women’s rights to wear skanky clothes on the streets and not feel threatened i.e. SlutWalk (although I WILL sign a petition if you shove it into my face because, although I’m apathetic, I hate confrontation more, and I will do whatever it takes to get me out of any awkward situations, including signing petitions I don’t really believe in i.e. SlutWalk).

I don’t have a plan for myself for the next 5 years. Every time someone asks me what I want to do with my life, or where I see myself heading to, I just shrug my shoulders and say, Not Sure. Also, the frequency of people asking me questions of this genre seems to be increasing exponentially with increasing age. Are they trying to tell me something? Is it an indirect suggestion to get off my ass and find a full-time 9-to-5 job?

Actually, I lie. Every time someone asks me what my plans are, I say I want to work and save up enough money to go traveling, and then when I run out of money, I’ll return to whatever job I can find again. Is that bad? Then they ask, What about a PhD??? And to that I answer, It’s in the cards for the future, and leave it as ambiguous as possible. IS THAT BAD? At 25, should I really have some sort of Life Plan by now?

My parents were hard at work when they were 25, why is it that I don’t feel the same? I’m not trying to white-wash the whole Gen Y with the same Brush of Apathy. I know a lot of my friends who are hard at work earning beaucoup bucks. But I also know a few individuals who are of the same view as I am. We are just happy to subsist through this life with whatever that’s on hand, and to make ‘seeing’ the World our priority.

So, the main question here is: Is this normal? Should I start getting my act together and become a Responsible Citizen or do I still have some time to buy? How far will this 'Not Sure' mentality carry me?

2011-06-20T17:46:00.001+10:00

For the past 2 weeks or so, Sydney has been receiving a hammering from the heavens in the form of bucket-loads of rain pouring forth from the sky. It was rain as you’ve never seen it before. So you can understand my amazement when, upon arriving home from an Ocean Acidification Symposium that I attended in Canberra, there was not a single drop of rain to be found! This amazing weather has been continuing for a few days or so and today was no exception.

Josh and Ben, who are 11 and 6 respectively...HOW TIME FLIES! I still remember them in diapers and now, they're fighting over chickens.

Today was a Good day. It was a Blue Sky day. It was a Not a Cloud in the Sky day. It was a Cool Breeze Sighing through the Tangles of Your Hair day. And it was amazing. Amidst all the gloom and cold and wetness of the past few weeks, the weather gods decided to bestow upon Sydney a last-minute glimpse of Summer.

I like days like these.

Recently, a rather interesting matter developed in my life. I may, perhaps, be given a chance to start a new life in a new city, depending on if I want to take that chance or not, of course. I am – naturally – quite excited about this new development as it has been something that I’ve always had my mind on. However, as you know with Life, one thing often leads to another and dreams and ambitions get left behind. Nothing concrete yet has been decided upon and of course, such a life-changing decision will require many different factors coming and working together. I will keep you posted though, and IF that self-migration does occur, you’ll be sure to know.

Labmates and I at the Ocean Acidification Symposium in Canberra.

It’s not something that I’ve told a lot of people, in fact, I’ve only told ONE person, however that person is the equivalent of CNN (or GNN, rather) hence the news has sort of leaked out a little. I guess the reason for my wanting to keep it quiet and on the low-down is that I do not want to attract too much attention to it and possibly have it blow up in my face.

Anywho, time will tell.

2011-06-06T16:40:00.002+10:00

Today is a Josh Rouse day just because I feel like it. I have mentioned this in passing a few times before; I have a tendency to catalogue the history of Me into music. All it takes is a song to trigger a memory locked deep in my sub-consciousness and to have it push its up to the surface. Josh Rouse is no exception.

My first burst of colour in all its vividness proffered by Salamanca Markets after disembarking at Hobart.

I was introduced to him during my first year of university life by Nata "The Coco" Shariff and every time I want to recall those bleak, bleak times, all I need to do is put on Nashville and press Play.

Not that his songs are terrible. His songs are great! And I lie, first-year uni wasn’t bleak. It was mildly challenging at the worst of times and zomg-hand-me-a-razor-I-need-to-slit-my-wrists at best. That’s right. First-year was confusing, but it was exhilarating, but it could be pretty demoralizing sometimes, and yet still utterly, utterly amazing.

Magical mushrooms beckoned from the highest point of Bruny Island.

Life is good/Sometimes its bad/It has its ups /It has its downs/Sing a song and feel alright/That’s just life. Yup, as corny as that may sound, it kept me going when I was going out of my mind lying on my tiny little single bed in a cold cold foreign land after having to subject myself to a dinner of stir-fried bitter-gourd (Ok, I exaggerate, but not about the bitter-gourd though).

Rock and roll/You are envy I am/So uncool/Still I want to do the best I can/Let’s meet on the corner and act like we’re old friends. Who knew how true these words would ring today?

The Spit, Bruny Island. Separating the good from the bad, the old from the new, the past from the future.

2011-06-03T18:56:00.000+10:00

Hello again to the real world! Sorry I have been missing for so long, but I'm sure we're all used to the fact that I tend to do disappearing acts these days. I wonder if it's something that comes with age and experience, but secretly I know it is a side effect of apathy.

Anyway, another season on the ice is now done and dusted. The way each day melts into each week into each month doesn't surprise me anymore. It didn't seem that long ago when I said goodbye to the world as I knew it 8 months ago, but here we are, it is the first day of June and half of my 2011 is already gone.

So much has happened to me and around me from the time I left right up till now, and frankly, I don’t even know where to begin. Sometimes I think that it must be a good thing, because it must mean that I am so completely lost in living Life that keeping track of it has become something of an impossibility, but I know better than that. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when I lost the knack of writing the way I feel. I used to be so good at it when all this first started.

Perhaps there is no exact moment, and is more probably a culmination of little moments and tiny events that has led to all this self-censoring that I am gagging myself with. I started wondering who would be reading my words, and then the wondering became worry, and I started worrying about what people would think when they read what I wrote, and what conclusions they would draw without giving me the benefit of defending my words for myself. However, all this self-censoring is becoming very tiresome and I am sick of it. It is also starting to become a burden on my throat, this inability to express in words how I really feel.

I lost something very dear to me when I was on the ice. It was the fruition of five years of anticipation, moments under moonlight, glasses of wine, laughter and gags, promises, smoke-filled dancefloors, running into the waves at Legian, endless roads and music you can feel pounding in your ribcage. All this, interlaced with heartache and sprinkled with tears. I am sorry I lost it but Life goes on. And as in keeping with the WTF-ness that is Life, I have now found something new, something that I know will supply me with just as much joy and adventure as before. Already, the opening credits of Robot Chicken are looping in my head and refuses to leave me in peace, and the copious amounts of alcohol is still placed very firmly in the picture, Alhamdullilah Praise be to God.

Such is Life. A quarter of a century and I’m still none the wiser. Talk soon! Missing all of you.

2011-05-26T17:57:00.002+10:00

Hello! I'm not dead. And I turn 25 tomorrow, now how about that??? I will officially be a quarter of a century old in 24 hours! I promise I'll update my blog more frequently for you, LampuYen. I've just been very busy catching up with the life I left behind 6 months ago and doing boring, adult things like working and earning wages and paying bills and GOING TO CHURCH (kidding, church is not boring - and I have 6 months' worth of praying to do).

Talk soon and pictures too!

7 days

2011-03-22T20:31:00.004+11:00

this is the part where i sit down, take a deep breath and go HOLY FUCKING SHIT where has all my time gone????? as of writing, i still have to:

1. finish up an experiment tomorrow which will entail me taking 288 photographs of sea urchin juveniles in total.
2. pack up all aquarium-related stuff and prepare the entire field module for another winter season on station.
3. pack up my OWN SHIT.

and all this has to be done in 7 days. that's right. 7 days. 7 days. 7 DAYS. 7 DAYS!

how is it that i came here for 6 months and now i'm left with 7 fucking measly days FUCK?! in all honesty, this season really has gone by much quicker than the previous one, and it might be a good thing, but from my current point of view, i might as well just slit my wrists because that would be easier to accomplish than Points 1, 2 and 3 above.

after this chapter of my life ends (again), i will have to look forward to:

1. chomping down onto a good-ol'-fashioned Double Quarter Pounder from McDonalds
2. eating all the sushi, dim sum, chinese dumplings and...aiyah, generally if it's Asian, i'll wolf it down la.
3. catching up with all my friends again DO YOU ALL MISS ME ANOT????
4. going back to a paying job fml my bank account is in critical mode right now, much like its mistress.
5. decorating my new room as i will be staying with my cousin! i'll look forward to the decorations for sure, as well as moving all my shit out of storage (not really looking forward to that).
6. GOING TO THE BEACH!
7. going on holidays.
8. lying on grass under the sun with a bottle of Little Creatures in my hand.

ok la, that's about it, i shan't be overly greedy. that's it, folks. in 7 days and i'm outta here!

Malaysian 2010 Two-weeker.

2011-03-15T19:06:00.005+11:00

i realise that i haven't actually written anything about my most recent trip back to malaysia. it all happened at such a whirlwind-pace that by the time i had screamed out, 'HELLO MALAYSIA', it was time to say goodbye. all in all, i was back in the motherland for a grand total of 2 weeks - however they were a 2 weeks very well spent.

i can't even begin to explain just how good my trip was. it was awesome meeting up with the gang again, considering that now EVERYONE is back in malaysia except me le sigh.

it was also really nice spending some time back home with the folks. it was a little strange (and totally shocking) to think that i had been away from home for about 1.5 years (or more) and that the last time i had seen my dad was during my graduation, which was in May of '09. TOO LONG!

truth be told, though, i didn't really get up to my usual Summer-Holiday antics of clubs, pubs, dancing and late nights. i spent a lot of time at home and with the parentals just because i wanted to (and also because all my friends are working now la HAHAHA and have no time left for me).

however, one thing remains the same: each trip only further strengthens my convictions that malaysia is where i want to be in the long run. my friends, my family, the life that i am used to, the old coffeeshops that i go to for my breakfasts, lunches and dinners, the hot glorious weather - they all belong here! i thought that time spent abroad would dilute my 'patriotic' spirit, but no. malaysia is where i want to spend the rest of my life in. ideally, i would probably travel the world and work my way through it, all the while earning some strong foreign moolah so that i can exchange it for RMs and set up a nice early retirement fund for myself.

one thing that's worrying me, though, is that as the years go by, my visits back to malaysia has become shorter and shorter judging by my holiday trend - 2 weeks during the most recent visit, and 3 weeks during the trip before. let's just hope that my holiday-duration track record improves soon!

My 2010.

2011-03-10T16:27:00.004+11:00

much apologies to Lam Pui Yan for not updating my blog often enough HAHAHA i seem to have developed a very good habit of disappearing off the face of the earth once work piles up and gets to me. initially, i had this grand idea of recounting my 2010 in pictures, month-by-month. however, i DO realise that it's already the 10th of March now and i'm way behind schedule. no matter, the photos have been edited, and i WILL put them up just for my personal pleasure.

i might have said this before, but god damn was 2010 an amazing year for me.

In January, I was still riding the Antarctic-high and had my first glimpse of the Sorsdal glacier...my first ever glacier! ME! from malaysia! WHO HAS NEVER EVEN SEEN SNOW BEFORE AND IS NOW STANDING IN FRONT OF A MOTHERFUCKING GLACIER! ahem.

In February, my time in the Antarctic was starting to wrap up, and truth be told, although i was excited about returning back to the mainland, a part of me was terrified that i would never be able to see this place again (on the contrary, mwehehehe), hence all the frantic trips out on iceberg cruises just to soak it all in.

March, and the end of my Antarctic adventure was nigh. This picture was taken overlooking the Shirokaya Bay outside of Brooks Hut and was the last jolly i went on for the season.

April saw me home again and i spent quite a bit of time exploring Melbourne and all it had to offer. i was also getting reacquainted with things that i'd missed when i was down south: flowers, fresh fruits, trees and people.

Girl in picture NOT the Char Kuey Teow, sorreh.
I celebrated my 24th birthday in Melbourne with a great bunch of friends and the Char Kuey Teow. it was probably one of the most memorable of birthdays because i had a 5-course home-cooked meal!

May melted into June and June melted into Winter, however, i was busy getting myself lost in Melbourne and in life.

In July, my month was brightened by two little rascals whom i had missed while i was away from the real world - their growth took me by surprise, and for the first time, i began to realise how much older i've become too.

Gordon's Bay, one of the many beaches along the Coogee-to-Bondi walk where my mom, my cousin and myself tramped along one sunny Saturday.
My mom came to visit in August, and it was fantastic to have someone pampering one's self and coming home from work to home-cooked meals that smelt of HOME.

September, and Little Bay still remains as one of my favouritest haunts in all of Sydney. This was taken just days before Little Bay turned ugly and nearly killed two friends and myself by having a wave sweep us off the rock platform..bleargh!

Brighton Beach, Melbourne.

Cape Schank, Mornington Peninsula.
October saw me making preparations to leave the real world for another Antarctic season, but not before another foray into the magical realms of Melbourne!

I also returned to Malaysia for a short 2-week stint to catch up with my parents and friends, and it was one of the best (albeit ultra hasty) decisions i'd ever made. it was so good to see everyone again and it made me miss home even more.

Another November, and another iceberg outside my window. I made my second consecutive trip down to Davis and have been loving every minute since. Seeing the Sorsdal Glacier again after 11 months made me realise how fast time had passed, yet, nothing much has really changed.

5-4-3-2-1 and 31 December 2010 was ushered out with sparklers, music and champagne. the speed at which 2010 flew by took me by surprise, but only for a mere 5 seconds and then, here we are, facing down yet another new year.

Antarctic Week 7: So this is the new year

2011-01-05T03:19:00.004+11:00

four days into the new year and already i'm already fucking over it. wait a minute, no i'm not - I'M JUST KIDDING! i had the best time ever ushering 2011 in with the antarctic folks, although it was still hard missing yet another new year's eve celebration with family, loved ones and friends, but i couldn't have celebrated it with a better crowd. everyone was lovely and i had a grand time tripping, popping and giggling away right up to the 5-4-3-2-1...albeit with some help from the lovely Omni Non-Vintage and Jacob's Creek Sparkling Moscato! did it matter that i was still recovering from a gastrointestinal virus that, for the 3 days prior to NYE, had rendered me to the ground with a fever, aches and pains in my joints, headaches, nausea AND stomach cramps?

the answer is NO. wherever drinking is to be had, drinking WILL be had.

looking back upon 2010, i have to admit that it was a far-cry from the absolutely dismal 2009 and 2008 years that i had to endure. 2010 was a year of discoveries for me. in no particular order, i discovered that:

1. i was in antarctica, one of the most remotest places this world has to offer (aiyo, i know la, i'm still in antarctica wtf - i never left).

2. not getting paid for 5 months' worth of work PLUS having to pay for rent in a place that you weren't living in can severely cripple your bank account.

3. old friends -like habits - die hard and can always be counted upon regardless of anything and that true friendships stand the test of time differences and geographical boundaries.

4. i make a pretty good plumber.

5. i also make a pretty good seawater technician.

6. there really is no other place like E112 Lorong Jati Perak 1 and Malaysia.

7. i will never be truly happy unless i'm travelling be it to new or old places, with new friends/acquaintances or old buddies.

8. japanese cuisine, especially sushi and sashimi, is unODable, no matter how hard i try.

9. the best way to spend Sundays is to curl up in bed with the blankets pulled right up high (and with a book or a loved one - your choice) and rest peacefully in the knowledge that you can stay in bed as long as you want and no one can make you leave it!

10. it is not that hard to make friends even if you're the only one in a group who doesn't know anybody.

11. memory is a very powerful thing indeed and that there are some things in life that i just cannot forget or look beyond no matter how hard i try.

12. my body's circadian rhythm automatically does an 180 degree turn every time i'm back in Malaysia because i will manage to stay up till 5 a.m. every day.

13. i am never too old for Zouk.

14. penguins are, BY FAR, the most retarded and hilarious birds to ever walk this planet - i can spend hours just staring and laughing at them, wondering why they've not somehow managed to wipe their own species out of extinction (i guess they must be doing something right).

15. i am the master of my own fate and procurer of my own happiness and no one can tell me otherwise.

16. i am also very VERY prone to losing things le sigh.

17. the lengths at which one goes about feeling sorry for one's self when one is feeling sick and has no one around to even ask to fetch a cup of water to parch a thirsty tongue BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS ONE IS SICK is very very great indeed. boohoo i hope never to have to experience that again.

18. the simple things in life - like walking to your favourite cafe with a book in hand, or feeling the spring sunlight on your face, or browsing through a saturday flea market and melting into crowd as a nameless, faceless being - has kept me going when the going got tough.

19. earning money (and actually seeing your bank account balance grow each fortnight) is better than any endorphin booster, sex or alcohol.

20. a white christmas is infinitely 10 thousand bajigazillion times better than a..err, normal christmas.

i made no resolutions for 2011. all i have is a song that i'm hoping will best sum up what i want from it. 4 days in and still it feels like any other year - however, i'm pretty certain that this year will be mine.

Antarctic Week 5: Christmas is coming! AGAIN!

2010-12-23T03:02:00.003+11:00

wowwee, it's that time of the year again (and also, the time of the month, but much has been spoken of this subject already, so i shall not taint [HAHA] this post by mentioning anything about it) where halls are decked and carols are sung and money is siphoned away from the hard-earned wallet.

i never expected to spend two christmases in a row in antarctica, but i guess plans are made for changing. i still remember that i made quite a fuss last year about missing out on christmas in the real world. however, this time around, i'm just too busy to even care. i can't wait for christmas to come just so that i can have my 2-day very-well-deserved break - before i have to go back to work le sigh.

yet again, i will be missing out on presents (except for my secret santa present, WHICH I AM HOPING WILL BE AWESOME!) because no one was prepared enough to give me pre-wrapped christmas pressies to take with me to antarctica to be opened on that very hallowed day. also, i will be missing out on christmas mass YET AGAIN - was quite apathetic about it last year, but now i really miss hearing the priest say 'Baby Jesus bless you all and have a Merry Christmas!' (no he doesn't actually say that). however, i AM looking forward to christmas dinner here on station. last year was an absolute food bonanza and i ate so much i induced myself into a food coma. i'll remember to take some photos of our spread this year to impress you folks back home.

other than that, that's all me done for today. if i don't speak to you soon, i just want to wish you all a very merry christmas and i hope you have a great time with family, friends and a lot of alcohol. speaking of a lot of alcohol...

Antarctic Week 4: One more week before Ho Ho HO!

2010-12-19T20:20:00.003+11:00

before week 4 goes out the door, i thought i should just give some quick dot-point updates about how my week has gone so far:

this week has been a 7-day work week for me.
on sundays in Antarctica, i usually wake no earlier than 2.30 pm. today is the first sunday i've woken up before lunchtime. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY before lunch time. i hope this does not become a trend.
onto happier, more successful stories though, me and jess have started an experiment and it's already been 24 hours post-fertilisation and all our babies are still going strong.
i guess that is a big WIN for us.
however, this means that jollies for me has officially ended until i arrive back on australian shores (or run out of work, the former being more likely than the latter).
talking about jolly season, CHRISTMAS IS NEXT WEEK SATURDAY!

anyway, can you believe it, christmas is literally just around the corner! the christmas tree is already up in the wallow (i helped put it up cos everyone else wasn't very feeling very festive) and i already have the name of my secret santa gift-receiver!

which brings to mind, WHERE HAS 2010 gone?! holy crap, i know that i keep saying the same things year in and year out about how the year has gone past very quickly blablabla where did all my time go blablabla i'm one more year closer to death blablabla but it's true, you know...i can really feel my years whizzing past.

i think before 2011 is ushered in, i will definitely have to sit down and reflect on all that i've done during the year 2010. and until then, i shall leave you with this photo:

this is how it feels like to be standing at the very end of the world.

Antarctic Week 3: All set up and pretty with nowhere (no animals) to go (kill)!

2010-12-10T22:56:00.003+11:00

So here's to another week that has come and gone. My lamentations about how fast Fridays were coming about did little to stop (or at least, slow) time. This week, I had another 'wait what the fuck, it's Friday TOMORROW??' moment. I should start getting wiser about and learn from my mistakes - Fridays will ALWAYS come about and the sooner they do, I guess the sooner I get to go to the bar and engage in a tipple or two.

Anyway, I have some good news - actually, I have some GREAT NEWS! The new Jess and Mel team (Jess is the new Simon for this season) is tearing up the tracks and, at this moment as I type, the aquarium is sitting pretty with all equilibrators running, CO2 bubbling through, temperatures holding at where they should be AND all 126 sample jars of ours already in line connected to the water manifolds. Can I please get a FUCK YEA!!??

I am so relieved...I am BEYOND relieved. I know that I might be celebrating prematurely because the potential for us going down tomorrow and finding out that the whole aquarium has gone to shits is very high, but to be honest, I really can't give a fuck right now. Everything's going great and the aquarium doesn't seem to be as temperamental as the year before so I'm not going to worry about it.

I will leave you now with some photos of the new Jess and Mel team! She's a year younger than me and hails from New Zealand. Go the Kiwi-Malaysian team!

Our office: Icebergs, island, the occasional penguin...best job in the world?

Girl power.

Antarctic Week 3: Proof.

2010-12-06T18:09:00.002+11:00

This is for all the non-believers out there. Yes, Tammy Chiew; this means YOU. Anyway, here are a few photos of my trip out to the famed and mythical AND mystical jade iceberg. Be warned, images you see here might blow your mind to infinity and beyond.

Also, I figured it was about time to start putting up some photos onto my blog again. Happy pictures time!

OHAI IZ ME! Take that, you non-believer of an older cousin, you!

Mystical Jade Iceberg glinting in the Antarctic sun.

Antarctic Week 2: I am very tired.

2010-12-03T23:09:00.002+11:00

It feels really good to finally be able to sit down and type - perhaps I shall type endlessly without any direction or aim, just letting my fingers tap wildly loose in accordance to the thoughts that are flowing out of my head.

It has been a very long week, but then again, it has probably been the shortest week I've had since I got onto station. I didn't even realise that it was Thursday yesterday - my mind was so deeply entrenched in the fact that it was still living in the Tuesday timezone. That makes today Friday - FRIDAY!! Where did my week go??? I don't want to be the first person in the world who whinges about Friday being here too soon (who does that anyway??) but I'm really flummoxed, flabbergasted, surprised, astonished, APPALLED that it is Friday yet again! Does this mean that my time here is running out? Am I not to have the aquarium completed as and when I want it to, and must I have to relive the whole nightmare of the 09/10 season?

Granted, the aquarium is currently at a 'place' which took me and Simon 2 months to get to, so I really shouldn't be complaining. But knowing how little (and precious) time is here, I can't help myself but to complain, and be fearful, and sceptical! The whole environment here is so unstable and inconsistent and temperamental and unpredictable (you get the drift) - anything that goes wrong is amplified by a bajillion times over compared to if the problem had occurred in the real world. Heck, I mean, my cut, which I obtained through my own sheer stupidity of not wearing gloves while dipping my hands into -1.7 degrees Celcius waters, IS STILL NOT HEALED!! And it was only a minor surface scrape!

Sometimes, I fucking hate this place.

But then, sigh, at other times, I am absolutely in love with it, and I think to myself, "There is nowhere else I'd rather be if I had to choose a location to work and play." The other day, I was treated to a 'jolly' - which is the Antarctic Division lingo for recreational-trip-out-of-station - out to the Sorsdal Glacier as well as to see a Jade iceberg (YES I HAVE FOUND THE MYTHICAL JADE BERG AND IT WAS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!) and my mind was blown. The entirety of my mind; circuit breakers, amplifiers, transistors, neurons, protons, synapses, EVERYTHING, was blown away. It was singlehandedly the most awe-inspiring thing I have ever seen in my life, and I can say that with absolutely confidence. Just standing there, I couldn't stop myself from gaping my mouth wide open, and going WHOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAA and OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH and AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH and WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH like some imbecile cave-woman. And all this is true - I am not making it up.

So I guess no matter how tired I feel, or fucked up or have shit from the aquarium ladened upon me, it boils down to me being in Antarctica. And that is one hell of an experience that I'll never ever trade for the World! Ok la, maybe I would trade it for the World. Heck, I'd even trade it for a small tropical island, like Bali, or the Maldives, or Seychelles, or even Pulau Perhentian..I'd trade it if Pulau Perhentian could be mine and all mine and for myself and my own use only.

Just kidding.

Antarctica, the second coming.

2010-11-24T23:14:00.003+11:00

Just another quick update on my life thus far. I have come to terms with the fact that my life has entered into 'that' phase, where it can be broken down, concised and defined into many many 'quick updates'. Anyway, it's already been a week since I've arrived for a second term on Davis station, in the southernmost frontier. Work has been going well even though I've been working like a dog, sigh.

On to other news...I've forgotten so much about A-Factor (Antarctica to the uninitiated). Only in Antarctica do minor cuts take FOREVER to heal (i have 3 tiny cuts on my finger and they are still painful and raw because the air is so dry here, the cells can't bind together to form a scab. sigh). Also, no matter how much moisturising cream i slather onto my face, by the next morning, my skin feels as tight as ...(insert your own analogy here), i hate it. ALSO, i'd forgotten how the cold literally SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPS into the bones.

ah well. i will think of many many 'only in Antarctica' facts along the way. Tally ho, i shall try to write a better, and perhaps, longer post some day soon. when i'm not being worked to death, that is. CHEERIO, you people living in warmer climes! i hate you.

2010-10-16T20:41:00.002+11:00

as quickly as i'd said, 'I am HOME', i am now about to leave home. two weeks may seem like a long time, but i guess that really depends on your perception and circumstances. to someone going on a holiday, two weeks is a substantial vacation-length, but for someone who is going home, well, home cannot be savoured completely in 14 days.

anyhow, time to fly again. one more sleep! it's been great.

Malaysia, always my 1st home!

2010-10-04T14:36:00.002+11:00

after more than a year (the longest time i've ever been away from home, really), i'm finally back in malaysia! the humid air that hits your face the moment you step out of the plane, forcing every pore on your face to scream out and ooze facial oil; the distinctive Smell of Malaysia, a blend between the foresty greens, soil of the earth and general rubbish; the sight of cars quadruple-parked in the middle of the road and families-of-4 piled onto the little scooter/motorcycles; mangy dogs, brown rivers and rats who are hidden away from the bright light of day - all these and more, I LOVE YOU! (except for the rats, God forbid i'll ever reconcile myself with them).

although i only have 2 weeks in paradise, i'm gonna make sure that i spend every last second of it in pursuit of pleasure!

Spring is here!

2010-08-19T16:12:00.001+10:00

Today is beautiful. Today is so warm, I can walk around without needing a jacket and not feel the chill of winter at all. Today, it’s as though all traces of winter is GONE!

For some strange reason, as I was walking to work today, I had a feeling that it would be a good day. Not in a corny, ‘I’ve got a feeling’ way, mind you, but an actual, ‘Hey, this might turn out to be a Good Day!’ kind of way. On the way to work, around the backstreets of Glebe, I picked up a 10 cent coin and it felt warm in my fingers, I guess from lying on the tar road under the sun for a while.

Then, as I crossed the footbridge, I saw Bill, the Big Issue guy and bought a magazine from him. Although this act caused me to violate my own $20-till-Friday Rule ($20-till-Friday: in essence, keeping a $20 note in your wallet from Friday to Friday – not as easy as it seems and has resulted in my having tuna sandwiches for lunch for 3 consecutive days). However, I thought it was violated for a good cause because the Big Issue Magazines is sold by the homeless and unemployed and aims to help them on with life by providing means for earning an income and interacting with the mainstream community (totally ripped that off from the first page of the magazine, on the About section). As I was talking to Bill, under the shade of a tree with the warm sun shining through the leaves, we both came to a conclusion that today was a really nice day.

Later, I walked over to Blackburn to sign a new contract (yup, I’m currently employed as a lab technician in a pathology lab until I leave for Antarctica again…yes, ANTARCTICA AGAIN!) and the HR lady was so nice to me; she said, I’ll see you on Monday, and I knew she meant it (perhaps her eagerness to see me on Monday is because she knows she doesn’t have to change the staining solutions for histology slides anymore; but who cares??).

I’m not usually a superstitious person, but somehow this day just kept getting better and better and I thought, surely, SURELY, judging by how this day is going, the only thing that can top it is getting my tax returns back? A quick check with CommBank and, wahey, guess who’s richer by a lot, baybeh??

That’s right, Maw’Frockersssssssssss, I am no longer a poor, destitute and money-desperate young-working-adult anymore! Now, if only I can get an email from DIMIA telling me that my PR visa application has been approved, I can die happy.

I am a scientist not a murderer.

2010-07-08T17:36:00.004+10:00

on monday, i had to wake up at 5.50 a.m. in order to make it into uni at 6.30 to meet everyone else so that we could go down to Wollongong together for a conference. that was by far the earliest i've ever had to wake up this whole year. anyway, as i was walking into uni, i passed all these houses that were darkened with their blinds and curtains shut, and realised that every house i passed had at least someone who was still asleep inside of it. it felt a little strange, but not in a i'm-so-jealous-they-get-to-sleep-while-i'm-awake sort-of way, but more like an oh-wow-they're-asleep-and-i'm-awake way.

it felt weirdly nice to think that i was one of a very few souls who were walking through a sleeping world.

anyway, we arrived at Wollongong and the patron for the science conference was this really old scientist who had Parkinson's disease. it was really hard watching this man give a talk to a room full of young able-bodied healthy people, and there he was, hands shaking viciously and body trembling the entire time. seeing him ravaged by this disease yet still plowing strong with his work and passion really made me think about issues like getting old; i don't want to get old and i don't want to (probably) have to suffer like he did. and then, seeing him made me feel ashamed, because, obviously i'm not as dedicated to science as i thought i was. i know for a fact that if i were struck down by parkinson's, i wouldn't be standing in front of an auditorium full of people, giving a speech about what current and future scientists would have to do to advance in research.

i digress. but those were the main thoughts playing in my head all week. i taught 60 students today in rotations of 12 students per time about urchins, how they spawn and fertilise, and their outer and inner anatomy. now my fingers smell like urchin death and are dyed purple by the pigments. also, i poked myself in the thumb with a hypodermic needle and now there's a big hole in it and blood won't stop gushing out. ok i lied, it's stopped gushing. HAPPY DAYS.

'Tis the winter of my discontent

2010-07-01T17:55:00.000+10:00

today is the first day of July and i am stunned by the fact that more than half the year has gone by. i feel like 2010 is probably the shortest year that i've ever lived - usually years speed by me quickly, but at least i still manage to keep track of it. how is it that this year has snuck by me without my realising it?

i blame Antarctica. i blame Antarctica because it has completely screwed up my perception of annuallity (yes, that is a legitimate word even though there's a dotted red line below it - it IS a word). Antarctica decided to wedge it's big ugly self into my mental calendar, right where the old year was about to end, and the new year was about to begin, and it screwed me up. i feel like i have been robbed, cheated, scammed and flaked off my allotted, and rightly entitled 365 days of the year.

i had big plans for 2010. now, the only plan that is in the cards for me is: a) work, b) find money, and c) pay rent. yes, i have just extricated myself from the looming shadows of potential debt, financial distress and nightly meals of bread-and-butter sandwiches - but no fear, i am now happily and gainfully employed again. not only has Antarctica wiped out my perception of annuallity (the fact that i've used it twice now, and will continue to use it again and again, reinforces its eligibility as a word), it has also drained my bank account, in the form of un-lived-in rent. yes, i have decided that my whole life shall now be dedicated to paying rent.

but i digress.

i STILL, and will NEVER, believe how fast time flies. the rate at which it is going, i am afraid that, by the time i die, i won't even know that i'm dead, because i'd be so busy catching up with 'life'. i shall now leave you with the wise words from Ben Gibbard - on his philosophy of time, as well as a few captured memories of what i've been up to. good day.

"I knew the years would move quickly
But never quite as fast as this
So bring the discrepancies, I'll pour the drinks"

Rain like you wouldn't believe.

2010-06-10T14:10:00.003+10:00

so it has been raining A LOT in sydney the past few weeks. and when i say rain, i don't mean the usual pissy drizzly feathery rain that sydney is famous for, but the actual heavy almost-torrential kind of rain. and this rain, it went for HOURS. one day, it rained for a solid 30-hour stretch and i thought the Great Flood was coming upon us again.

[side story: i wouldn't have been surprised if it DID turn out to be the great flood seeing as the world is about to end on Dec 21, 2012 - why shouldn't natural disasters manifest themselves sooner than that?? which reminds me, i have to wiki/google Planet X - thanks Tam.]

all that rain reminded me of the monsoon seasons back in malaysia. during my last summer holiday, my mom, cousin + potential cousin-in-law and i went for a trip around the east coast; big mistake. anyway, one day i was walking out of my apartment when i passed under this 'christmas' tree (i'm calling it a christmas tree because i don't actually know what it is but i guess it's actually a fir tree, who cares) and there were all these little droplets of water hanging off at the very tips of the leaves/needles. it brought back memories of how when i was a little kid, we'd go to Fraser's Hill for holidays and every morning, the dew would condense on the trees to turn it into a crystally sparkling thing. and then someone showed me how to make little 'diamond rings' on my fingers by cleverly transferring the dew from the leaf to the base of my finger.

and something as simple as that would keep me amused for the rest of the walk as i would try to fit the largest 'diamond' i could find on my tiny little fingers. i guess i'm just easily contented.

anyway, it's stopped raining now for three days straight and i am happy! it's super sunny outside, albeit a little cold. non-wetness is awesome. non-muddy lanes and non-sludgy leaves and non-puddles are awesome too.

Exploits in the real world

2010-06-09T11:24:00.003+10:00

It has been awhile since I last wrote anything substantial. I keep telling myself that I don’t have the time, or that it isn’t appropriate to be blogging during ‘work’ hours, but the truth is, every time I feel like writing about anything, I lose interest. It’s a little bit amusing yet ironic, because, what I’m trying to say is: I’ve lost interest in my current life and everything that goes with it.

That’s not to say that nothing interesting has been happening in my life. It is just that I do not feel as though there is anything compelling enough that would warrant me to commit it to an eternal life on the great interweb.

For some reason or another, I feel as though I’m just cruising through life these days. Nothing too challenging has been thrown my away since I got out of Antarctica, so perhaps that's why life seems dull these days. Back when I was on station, every single day was sort-of like a battle with the elements. Before walking out to work, I had to make sure I had enough warm clothes before I walked out of the door to keep frostbite at bay, check the wind speeds and temperature stats daily to make sure that I hunker down enough to not get blown away and watch out for penguins and seals so that I don't break my neck stumbling and falling over them - compared to those daily trials and tribulations, life now seems to pale in comparison! The most dangerous thing I have to watch out for while I'm walking to work are those pigeons that are always in mid-flight and perpetually look as though they are about to take a crap on you.

To alleviate this pseudo-stagnation that I've been feeling since coming home, I've been indulging in a lot of mini-holidays. I've been travelling to Melbourne A LOT, which is good, it's a nice change and I like it. Besides travelling, I guess I've just been slowly re-immersing myself into the 'Real World', a term I like to use these days. A lot of shopping, a lot of sitting-around-in-cafes-doing-nothing, a lot of walking-around-the-city-and-parks-aimlessly, and, of course, my favourite, a lot of catching up with food that I've missed.

I've often thought of blogging and putting up photos taken when I was in Antarctica on my blog. I realise now that I have accumulated WAY too many photos and, to be frank, I can't be bothered retelling my adventures again because I'm too lazy. Anyway, I've posted up most of them on Facebook with neat little story-telling captions too, so they're somewhere out there at least. Till next time!

Me and Yihaur went to the Sunny Ridge Strawberry farm in Mornington Peninsula, and all I can say is - Strawbies are AWESOME.

2010: 2 dozen.

2010-05-27T14:04:00.002+10:00

so here i am, finally in my 24th year! firstly, let me apologise for the long period of absence...i shall elaborate on the reasons why i went MIA for so long, but this post is not the post for that.

anyway, back to the issue of me being 24 now; 24 seems like a pretty big number! my parents rang me up this morning, and each in turn went on to say how i was a really big girl now and that i'm all grown up and old and am an adult. but really, i don't feel that much older or supposedly wiser or grown up at all! i wonder if i'm the only one who feels this way, or if it's a common occurrence? i mean, to me, turning 24 today feels awfully similar to turning 23 last year, which felt like 19, which, in turn, felt very much like 12.

ok, i just realised that i equated myself to a 12-year-old me.

but that's not the point. the point is, growing old scares me THERE I SAID IT! ok. i am 24 now. i can get married and have kids now. hope you guys are all well and we will speak really soon!

Antarctic Week the-weeks-are-passing-too-fast!! : The return of darkness

2010-02-23T22:42:00.003+11:00

night has finally befallen on the antarctic continent again! as a result, temperatures have now plummeted beyond comprehension. sigh. ok la, it hasn't dropped by a lot, the reason why i'm complaining about the temperature is because of the fact that we've not had any positive temperatures for the last 2 weeks. maximum air temperatures are now -4.5 degrees C. and that is at 12 noon sharp. yup. this is the real deal; this is finally the antarctica that i've always been dreading.

anyway, it's been a little odd now, to walk out of a building at night and not be greeted by light. it gets even stranger when i tilt my head up and all i see are stars, and no longer marshmallow-like clouds.

now that i've only got a month left on station before the big red taxi comes and brings us home, it feels as though everything has come full circle. i was here when the days started getting longer and then the night disappeared. and now, i'm still here as the night retakes possession of a domain that has always rightfully hers. all i need now is a full moon, and then everything will be perfect.

one more month, guys. it has been a good run. i'll be seeing all of you soon!

Antarctic Week I-cannot-remember-and-cbfed still: Chinese New Year and everything else that i'll be missing out on.

2010-02-11T23:29:00.003+11:00

oh good Lord, it's already the middle of February! and can you believe it that chinese new year is just around the corner?! i've been talking to many of you who aren't trapped on an icy continent as i am, and all we've been talking about is chinese new year preparations, gatherings, ang pows and food! do you have any idea how torturous that is?!

to be honest, i can't even remember what i did for last year's chinese new year. i know i was definitely at home. oh wait, that's right. i gambled and drank a lot. and met LOLA!

anyway, this time around, cny will be fireworks-less, angpow-less, abalone-less, SUPER AMAZING REUNION DINNER FOOD IN SEREMBAN-less, gambling-less, yeos chrysanthemum tea-less, new clothes-less, yee sang-less round gempak-less, just super amazing chinese new year food-less, annoying chinese new year songs-less, long yuk (bak kwa/whatever you guys call it)-less, chinese new year cookies-less...oh, and did i mention gambling-less????

sigh. one thing that won't be -less would be alcohol HAHA! on that note, i've been trying to cut down on my alcohol consumption. i don't drink except on saturday and 'special occasions' haha. whatever la at least it's a start. good news is though, the station is gonna have a massive chinese new year celebration for me, which, i forsee now, will be filled with endless copious amounts of alcohol being consumed. i hope they have fireworks on station. i am going to dress up as a red guard of Chairman Mao's for the occasion because i believe in communism. besides, i've already worn that black cheongsam and black is inauspicious for chinese new year.

ok la, if i don't see you (which i highly doubt i will) or talk to you before that, well, happy chinese new year la to all you folks. team kajang - go get trashed and take shitloads of photos to show me ok? parentals - don't forget to collect angpow for me; just because i'm not there isn't an excuse to not receive angpows HAHA i'm not dead ok? OBS kaki - eh miss kailan and ahyun, just go out oni la ok? if that fatty too lansi and no one else can make the reunion, just go FUCK IT and have a good time by yourselves..i promise i'll be there in spirit...and to renren and eugenia - well..just get drunk la and collect angpows like there's no tomorrow - we're too young for work and wages! everyone else - well, i guess you know what to do la.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR FOLKS!

oh ps. ya fuck ahhhh i forgot chinese new year falls on valentine's day this year too. happy valentine's day everyone and happy birthday mom.

Antarctic Week I-cannot-remember-and-cbfed: Thoughts on leaving.

2010-02-04T20:11:00.002+11:00

a most curious thing happened to me the other day. i found myself packing and taping up a box containing some books, photo frames and miscellanous items of clothing to be sent home on the third voyage out of davis. do not be alarmed though, i'm not returning on the third voyage, but rather, my stay in antarctica has been extended till the very end of the season (i.e. returning home on voyage 4).

anyway, back to that box - it struck me as a little humourous how, once again, i'm packing up my belongings to be shipped off to somewhere else. it feels like i've just arrived on the continent, but already the season is winding up, and in a little over a month's time, i will be back in the real world. and if i hadn't extended my stay right up till V4, i would've been packing up everything and not just mere books, photo frames and the like!

i've always known that time passes fast, but the speed at which it is passing me by is somewhat frightening! my adventure of a lifetime is drawing to a rapid close and i am beginning to feel a little reluctant about leaving all this behind me and only having memories to hold by. i know i still have a good 5-6 weeks left before i, too, leave on the aurora, and i guess i'll just have to make the most of it.

but honestly, after living here for 2.5 months now, it's starting to feel very much like home, just because everything is so routine and familiar. i'm beginning to wonder if i'll have any 'withdrawal' symptoms when i leave davis. i mean, i know everyone here, and everyone knows me. each of us have a very specific role in this little community, and in a weird way, we all feel as though we have a purpose in this environment. i don't think i've mentioned this before, but being in antarctica feels very much like being on an extended stay in OBS. perhaps that's why i like it so much here - the people and the social environment anyway (god forbid, i will NEVER grow accustomed to 20knot winds, although the temperature doesn't really faze my anymore). this must've been how living in Jonestown felt like, except more alcohol and drunken laughy boozy nights, and not so much crazed cult leader, cyanide poisoning and mass suicide.

i guess the reason why i'm feeling slightly apprehensive about leaving is that i'd lose that sense of purpose and role that i currently have now on station. here, i am someone. but when i return to sydney, i will once again be absorbed back into a community of a million nameless souls, and once again, be anonymous again.

there are so many things that i will be leaving behind on station when i return to australia, and i am not ready for that yet. so, should i keep running and hiding in the vestfold hills until the Aurora has no choice but to sail home without me? DISCUSS.

Hi again.

2010-02-02T16:44:00.004+11:00

so i didn't make it. but i guess two days off the intended schedule isn't so bad. so here goes my post of past-year dumpage - it's gonna be worse than a bag of all-flavour liquorice (but that's only because i hate liquorice; you might not).

2009 was a year of firsts for me. it was also a year where i finally took things into my own hands and made decisions for myself. 2009 was the year where i was done worrying about others, their feelings, what they'd rather want (even at the expense of myself). essentially, it was the year where i looked out for me.

for starters, i received my very first paycheck (of which i am still extremely ecstatic about!), played grown-up and delved into the horrible world of real-estate agents, rental properties and bonds, became a University of Sydney graduate

and visited One Tree Island disguised as a teaching assistant.

the first half of the year flew by without me knowing and i admit that i was lulled into a false sense of security. i thought i had finally done something right because everything was going so good for me.

right after OTI, i decided that i would return to malaysia for a short visit just so that i could be with friends whom i loved and have not seen for awhile (yes Miss Yap, is you!). buying that plane ticket with my own money was possibly one of the best decisions i'd ever made for myself.

another excellent example was taking up the offer to go to Antarctica as a research assistant.

there is no way that i can adequately put into words just how grateful i am to have been given the chance to come here. saying goodbye to the real world for 6 months is worth it in exchange for the experience that i'm gaining every day and the new people i've met. this place has made me realise that i'm capable of doing so much more than i'd initially thought i could, and, as cliched as it might sound, has helped me understand myself that little bit more and discovering things about myself that i never knew existed. cheers to you, antarctica! you'll be in my memory forever.

like i said before, i was tricked into thinking that everything was going right for me. that the whole year was going to be right for me. somewhere in the middle, i got served with a slap-in-the-face reality jolt, by the person i would've never suspected. upon hindsight, what happened turned out to be a good thing. it opened my eyes to the true personality of someone that i had once cared very much for, one that i suspected but could never come to terms with even though i was repeatedly warned by those closest to me. it made me realise that i should be wary of who i place my trust in. it made me realise that everyone is looking out for 'self' so why wasn't i, and more importantly, why SHOULDN'T i too? it led me to breaking bonds with someone i'd loved dearly and cutting her out of my life, a decision that i've not regretted since. i know it might sound harsh, but honestly, if you had something parasitic or cancerous living inside you, would you choose to let it remain within you or would you have it removed from your being? and then, the pièce de résistance, it made me realise that forgiveness (and the asking of) is not a salve that you can rub onto anything or everything. there are some things in life that you can never forgive.

if you could forget that i was waiting for you all night, alone and worried sick, then you can forget me altogether.

life went on. picked myself up. realised that i've always been in love with the same person for quite some time now. when it came time, i decided to do what's right for me and made myself happy (the other person was rather happy too). i've not looked back since. and i AM happy for it.

so, that was 2009 for me. definitely a year that i won't forget in a hurry. 2010 has been cruising beautifully for me thus far, and i have a feeling that everything will be alright.

2010-01-30T18:13:00.001+11:00

Apologies! i know i haven't been blogging since the turn of the new year...i've just been really busy, and whenever i'm not, i'm asleep! anyway, i'll try to put up a proper post soon. TODAY! yes, yes..i shall update today. before the month is over. watch this space. MUCH LOVE FROM DAVIS!

Antarctic Week 6: This is the last day of 2009

2009-12-30T20:51:00.003+11:00

it's that time of year again - where we reflect on our past deeds and try to come up with new resolutions to help us convince ourselves that we will be better people in the near future. this time around, however, we're not just entering a new year; we're bidding farewell to a whole decade and putting our best foot forward into a new one.

it's not that i've had many decades chalked up to my name (2 and a little bit more, to be pedantic) but many things have happened over the past 10 years that still remain fresh in my mind.

i remember ushering in the new millennium amidst the grandeur of fireworks and drunk revelers at Darling Harbour, Sydney. everyone was talking about the Y2K bug and how all technology as we knew it would come to a grinding halt the moment time registered 0:00:00 but for all that hue and cry, nothing happened.

the latter part of the following year was dominated by the threat of terrorism and the fall of the north and south towers of the World Trade Centre in New York. i remember getting into my dad's car after Mr Mathi's tuition and him telling me that something incredible was happening on tv - the moment i stepped into the house, i saw a replay of the first plane slamming its way into the tower. it felt surreal, like watching a hollywood action blockbuster except that this was real life and those were real people, not stuntmen, leaping from the building.

in 2003, i joined hundreds and thousands of other 17-year-olds (and the occasional 16-year-old; i have not forgotten about you guys, dear PTS students) and sat for the SPM exam. and just in case we weren't strung-out and stressed enough, the world exploded with the onset of the avian flu/SARS. suddenly, every little sneeze, cough and sniffle became a valid source for paranoia.

the next year, i was offered a taste of the urban way of life and exposed to whole new environments which were not available in the backwater parts of Kajang (HAHA NO LA I'M ONLY KIDDING!) after i enrolled into Taylor's College. amazingly, a handful of people i met there are still some of my closest friends to date, and for that i am very thankful. just as we thought that the curtains would come down on semi-uneventful year, our world was literally rocked by waves of change. a tsunami triggered by the second strongest earthquake ever recorded on a seismograph left nothing but devastation in its wake. even natural-disaster-free Malaysia was not spared.

in 2005, i finally left the nest and started a new life in sydney. the one decision in my life that i'm still unsure of: was it a good thing? was it a mistake? should i have stayed at home? did my coming to sydney turn me into a cynical foul-mouthed bitch? sigh...one will never know. later on in the year, before the scab left over by the boxing day tsunami had dried on our consciousness, hurricane katrina pounded the US Gulf Coast into near oblivion. in a weird twist of irony, it was more shocking to witness than the boxing day tsunami of the previous year, because this was the great US of A, oft times seen as invincible and impenetrable, being subjected to the furies of nature just like any other country. then, to witness the slow social deterioration that followed the hurricane, it was almost unbelievable, because this first world country was just like everyone else.

after entering into Sydney University, the following years after that seemed to have melted into one big blur. everyday was just a succession of lectures and assignments punctuated by semester breaks and holidays. during the summer break of 2006, Saddam Hussein was sentenced to death by hanging by a hastily assembled court. ironically, this great man responsible for so much tragedy and suffering was found cowering unkempt in a farmhouse, which goes to show, the higher you climb, the harder you fall. as 2007 rolled in, days held even less significance for me. all i cared about was getting through each semester and returning home to the motherland at the end of the year. however, towards the end of 2007, there was a change of plans - and herein began my itch for travel and adventure. for 10 days, i traveled up the east coast of australia, making it possibly one of the best trips of my life.

in 2008, i made a conscious decision to sell my soul to the institution and embarked on my honours year. perhaps this may come off as rather harsh, but 2008 was not, and i mean NOT, my best year. it was perhaps my worst year. i was sleeping about 4-5 hours each day, working till 3-4 in the morning most days and had a lot of personal issues and mindfuckery going about. i was very glad to see the year out - very VERY glad. also in the latter part of the year, the world decided to take a tumble together with my declining psyche and the global financial crisis saw to it that millions of people lost their jobs, homes and the very life that they had led. however, not all was dark and gloomy. the world all round celebrated the 29th summer olympics in Beijing and later in November, the great US of A elected the first black man into presidency.

and now, the end of 2009 is approaching. it is probably not as tumultous as how 2008 was for me, but i still had my fair share of ups and downs. i shall now end this here and elaborate on it further some other time. but if i don't see/talk to you before the year is out, well, i hope you have a fantastic NYE's celebration tonight and a very happy and productive new year to come.

Antarctic Week 5: Christmas is coming!

2009-12-22T23:18:00.002+11:00

can you believe it? it's gonna be christmas in a few days' time! for the first time in my life, i will not be celebrating christmas with any of my family members at all. it feels a little weird now but i guess things happen. no doubt, christmas on station will be a fantastic affair. i can't wait to see what the chef's will have cooked up for us for christmas dinner. and i'm expecting that the whole day will just be a gigantic piss-up session and that baby jesus will look down and stare disapprovingly at me while i giggle, slur and stumble my way through his birthday.

but no, seriously. that's how i'm envisioning christmas on davis station to be. honestly, i think life here revolves around two and a half things: work and alcohol, and antarctica being the half. it's true! my days spent here revolve around work and alcohol. and i'm one of the more reserved ones too when it comes to arak consumption! i know, right?

anyway, Merry Christmas to you all even though it's three days too early. i don't know if i'll have the time to do a post on christmas day. on second thought, i don't even know if i'll be sober on christmas day. hmm.

ok la, love you all. eat, drink, pull crackers, rip open presents and be merry, ok? think about me when you're doing any or all of the above.

Antarctic Week 4: I be the bearer of news.

2009-12-15T22:03:00.005+11:00

greetings and salutations from a sunny day at the 'Tarc! it's been nearly a month since i've set foot onto the continent and i have good news and bad news AND good/bad news, which, i guess, equates to neutral inconsequential news...hmmm.

anyway, for some good news: i still have not had any frozen fingers or toes! the weather has been pretty brilliant, averaging between 2 degrees Celcius most days. i know this might sound weird, but you can really feel the difference between sub-zero and, err, above-zero (???) temperatures. when the sun's out, i pretty much just wear a tshirt underneath my hoodie jacket with long pants, and that's it. come to think of it, i wear much more during winter when i'm in sydney!! which defies logic and common sense, but i guess that's how it is in Antarctica. there's a popular saying that goes like this:

"Below 50 degrees South, there is no law. Below 60 degrees South, there is no hope. Below 70 degrees South, there is no God."

this must explain why i haven't gone to church or said a prayer since boarding the Aurora HAHA (no la i'm just kidding, mom).

on to the good/bad neutral and inconsequential news: i did some mental calculation last night and realised that i have more or less 8 weekends left in the 'tarc. and when it's put in that perspective, it doesn't seem like such a long time anymore! weekends come and go here in the blink of an eye, and i'm afraid that, before i know it, i'll be packing up my bags and heading home. being in an environment such as this really does weird things to you. a week ago, i was telling people that i missed civilisation and the little things we take for granted, like, grocery shopping (it's true). but just yesterday, i found myself plotting with a friend on station about how to hide one's self just so that one didn't have to go home. what an incredible turn of events! i was actually contemplating NOT coming home and staying in antarctica for forever! i shall elaborate further on this strange disorder next time, possibly over the weekend.

now, for the BAD news: i still haven't started any of my experiments. which is shit because, as you already know, i don't have that much time left on station. the first week was spent resupplying the station and just getting ourselves sorted. the second week was spent unpacking all the science gear and shit. the third week was spent going for survival training and the likes. we've been building the aquarium throughout the time but progress has been going slow. fingers crossed, everything will be set up and ready by next week for some urchin-culling activities! oh, did i say urchin-culling? i'm sorry, i meant, science. at the rate we're going, i might be staring out the portholes of the aurora once more before actually getting any solid data. sigh. ok, nerd talk over.

that's all, i guess. till next time!

Antarctic Week 3: Non-Antarctic related sorry...i'm just ranting.

2009-12-10T17:28:00.002+11:00

[EDIT: PHOTOS FROM THE VESTFOLD HILLS DEATH MARCH IS UP...PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR SOME DEATH-MARCHY GOODNESS KTHXBYE]

today seems like one of those cold blustery days that were made for sombre and serious reflections, and so i shall. i guess, if you've been reading this site since it's conception, you'd probably have noticed that over the last couple of years, the frequency of postings and overall tone of each post that i've written have been becoming lesser and milder.

oft times i've wondered how this transition managed to creep its way under my skin. perhaps it is because i've been growing up. before this, when i was young and stupid and insensitive (i guess), i'd just fire away words whenever something or someone displeased me. i didn't think of who would be reading my words or the potential impacts it would lead to, and for me, if it made an impact then, well, all the better! it made for interesting reading, i suppose, because everyone delights in gossip and drama anyway (even though we choose to coyly say 'no').

then, something happened that made me stop, and sit back for awhile. suddenly, maybe, i wasn't too comfortable about airing my real thoughts into the great interweb. suddenly, i became all secretive and elusive and hypothetical, writing long round-the-way posts to inadvertantly say what i really wanted to. after awhile, even these vague posts stopped, because i didn't feel like sharing or revealing my inner thoughts anymore. i became super cautious, super careful and super wary of everything i said. if something troubled me, i wouldn't write about it, perhaps because i didn't want to be thought of as 'weak' or that i 'couldn't handle it'.

but you know what? fuck all this shit. from now on, i'm gonna write just whatever i please because life's too fucking short to be agonising over minor details like this. to hell with what other people think. if i want to write about some fucking insensitive asshole that i knew, i'll do just that. if i want to talk about my sex life to all and sundry (i'm being hypothetical here. banyak bawa bertenang, parents), then i'm sorry but you'll just have to be unwilling readers/listeners/whatever la.

ok thanks bye.

Antarctic Week 3: My losing trend does not discriminate geographically.

2009-12-08T17:25:00.004+11:00

i've lost my camera! ok i don't think it's been stolen - i've probably just misplaced it somewhere and i have a sneaking suspicion that it's in my room. it's just that i can't seem to find it...but then again, if you can find anything at all in my room, you're probably extremely lucky.

that being said, my room in Davis station has turned into a veritable blackhole! anything that goes inside never ends up coming back out or seeing the light of day again (which is saying a lot, considering that 'the light of day' in antarctica, for now, is a healthy dose of 24 HOURS!).

so far i have lost:

a pair of woollen mittens
my camera
a half-eaten bar of Time-Out
my brown short-sleeved Topshop cardigan
a National Geographic magazine
Calvin and Hobbes' Attack Of The Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons
sleep
a quarter of my sanity

that's quite a lot of stuff, eh, for 3.5 weeks? the reason why sleep and sanity are in the picture is because, work starts at 7.30 am. i feel like i'm back in Sek. Men. Jalan Bukit Kajang each time i walk into the general science building. but at least it's not as bad as Taylor's or heaven-forbid-it-from-ever-happening-again 1st Year 8 a.m. USYD MATH LECTURES! fuck me silly but i still have nightmares thinking of those 6 a.m. bus-rides into uni.

anyway, i was hoping to upload some photos taken whilst i was on the Vestfold Hills death march but since i can't find my camera, it'll just have to wait. by the way, for some reason unknown to myself, it is awfully AWFULLY cold here in antarctica today. and the wind gusts have just been phenomenal. it was gusting at 40 knots/hour and i literally had to bend forwards to an angle of about 30 degrees in order to prevent myself from being blown away as i struggled my way to science...TALK ABOUT DEDICATION! i defy anyone else who tells me that they put more effort into going to work as i just did. if the wind gets any stronger, i just might have to ice-axe my way to science on my belly. i'd so totally would.

ok, au revoir from antarctica. till next time (if i don't fall into a crevasse, that is)!

Antarctic Week 2: Death march through the Vestfold Hills.

2009-12-04T23:22:00.003+11:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! finally, i've found some time to myself. it's amazing how, even though you're stuck in a place that is almost like a grander scale of Big Brother, there is so much work and shit that ties you down! and i almost can't believe that the weekend has arrived AGAIN! i'm kinda torn between having the weekend roll around because:

a. it's a good thing - it means i'm one more week closer to going home and seeing the real world again! and of course, my baby baklava hoho!

b. it's a bad thing - my antarctic experience is ambling along at a greater speed than i thought AND WHERE DID ALL MY TIME GO!?

anyway, just a round up of what i've been doing this week.

on tuesday, i went for my 24-hour survival training with 6 other people. it was great fun, but rather hellish too - i will explain why later. we started out from station after lunch and was taken by helicopter to one of the huts outside of davis station called Brookes Hut.

each of us were equipped with a survival pack that consisted of: a huge ass backpack, a sleeping bag, a bivvy bag (click on the link - it'll show you an exact photograph of how i slept that night outdoors), a stove, a pot, 3 1-litre bottles of water, a 1-litre piss bottle (you're not allowed to urinate on the ground in antarctica FML), dehydrated food rations, a compass, three maps, a signalling mirror, cutlery, boot chains, ice-axe and a change of clothes plus extra gloves and socks. altogether, my survival pack weighed AT LEAST 15kgs. at the very least.

once we got to brookes hut, we started trekking through the area and walked to a few lakes. these lakes were pretty awesome in that they're still in liquid form - reason being that they're super saline (about 5x the salinity of seawater) therefore they can't freeze. on the first day, we walked to 4 lakes. the first 2 lakes were easy to get to...after that, the walk turned into a death march to hell for me.

firstly, NO PATHS. secondly, walking along the rim of the lake 20m above water level on steep slopes that consisted of nothing but loose pebbles and gravel (scree). i nearly saw my life flash before my eyes a couple of times as i tried to regain my balance by jamming my foot into the scree and hope to God that i won't slip and break my head on some nice antarctic boulder. thirdly, fucking pack nearly killed me because it went above my head level and every time i bent over to steady myself on the rocks, i nearly toppled ass over feet in front of me. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME. fourthly, got lost a few times wtf. fifthly, uber blisters on both backs of my heels.

by the time we got to our campsite, i was a wreck - but of course, still managed to maintain composure abit la. had to put up a strong front because i didn't want to be the stereotypically weak and defenseless asian girl (already, i'm the smallest-sized and youngest one here FML). fixed up my 'bed' for the night (as per the bivvy bag photo up top), cooked my dehydrated rations, ate it with great gusto, chatted a bit, then realised, fuck i needed to go take a piss. that's right evrybuddy, for the first time in my life, i pissed into a wide-mouthed round looptop 1-litre Nalgene bottle. and i didn't even have a FUD (Female Urinary Device to the uninitiated) to help me out because i wasn't issued one FML. but i can tell you with great pride that i did not 'leak' onto the bottle neither did i piss on my own hand. i still can't believe how i did it. i guess desperate circumstances really brings out the talent in some people.

didn't get much sleep that night. next morning, woke up bright and early at 6am and continued our death march again at 7. being an idiot, i forgot to put plasters on my blisters but instead thought that it would be alright if i wore double layers of socks. what a fucking retard. by the time we were about 3km from station, my blisters were wrenching the very living soul out of me. took of my socks only to be greeted by raw skin - my blisters had already popped and the skin that usually forms the bubble had peeled back. FUCKING PAIN LA! ON BOTH HEELS SOME MORE! but once again, i gritted my teeth and like a true hero, told the troop leader that i was fine, just give me a plaster and i'll walk it home.

by the time i stumbled back into station, i was completely totalled. every bit of my body hurt, from my neck, to my shoulders, down to my pelvic bone (thanks to the waist strap of the backpack) and continuing all the way through my thighs, calves and feet. i didn't realise that when the antarctic division said survival training, they really meant SURVIVAL training.

that's about all that was exciting. did more work (in bodily pain, naturally) in the aquarium to set up the water and CO2 systems yesterday and today. other than that - life's peachy i guess.

Antarctic Week 2: The glamourous things i've done since arrival

2009-11-30T03:13:00.003+11:00

hello everyone, just a quick update! been really busy since we got to station, and it's already been nearly 2 weeks now! andandand...i just realised i've been away for a month as of today! perhaps this 4.5 month stint in antarctica isn't as long as i thought it would be...hmmm.

anyway, just a recap of what i've been up to since stepping foot onto davis station. we were refuelling and resupplying the station to last for one whole year until the next V1 voyage that will be coming down around this time next year. so all we've been doing is unloading cargo and unpacking and storing everything, from food and drinks to toilet paper. basically, i was doing a lot of manual work like a kuli and hauling boxes of cabbages and oranges around. and i never knew this, but a box of oranges is fucking heavy.

been settling into a routine at station so far and getting to know the place. when we first arrived, we were brought around on a tour of the station and just to familiarise ourselves with all the buildings. there about 9 major buildings on station and two of them are for accommodation purposes. the first day or so when i got here, it got a bit confusing because i'd forget which buildings were what and walk into the wrong one. but i got the hang of it after awhile, heh.

everyone on station is really nice and there is a good camaraderie going on. however, the male to female ratio is highly unbalanced: there's 75 of us on station currently and only 8 of us are female. i've never been put into such a male-dominated environment before but it's been alright so far.

there's also shitloads to do here. there's a climbing wall, two gyms, a pool table, a bar, a huge variety of boardgames, a cinema with a substantial dvd collection, a very well-stocked library, playstation consoles and a nintendo wii. there's definitely no shortage of entertainment. and if we didn't feel like being inside buildings, there's always many walks and excursions that we can go on. so far since coming here, i've walked to one of the islands off the coast from the station that has an adelie penguin rookery (really awesome) as well as a 10km walk to this place called Law Cairn and cutting across the sea-ice to yet another island before heading back to station. it's all good fun and a really great way to see the land.

and i shit you not, antarctica is incredible. it's almost frightening sometimes because the conditions can change so rapidly from being warm and friendly to cold and unforgiving. we've had two mini snowstorms since coming here and it was so bad that it was snowing horizontally! and the silence is the greatest thing that hits you here. when you walk out of the building, you hear nothing. no background humming, no crickets chirping. it feels almost like you're living in a fishbowl with the lid covered.

ok anyway, not such a short update after all, eh? i'll try to put up more pictures asap, for the parents' benefits. but yea, stay safe and miss me!

Antarctic Week 1: TEASER!

2009-11-21T21:56:00.002+11:00

alright everyone: i don't have the time to do a proper blow-by-blow account of my voyage down south yet but here's a few photos for you which i managed to picnik before my roster schedule starts again. if you are on facebook, there might be more (non-picniked) photos to browse through...but if not, well, be content with these first...i'll do my best to comply to everyone's wishes! enjoy.

Antarctica Week 1: Ahoy...LAND!

2009-11-21T01:57:00.002+11:00

hello everyone!

after a harrowing 3 weeks (very nearly almost!), i have finally arrived at Davis Station, Antarctica! ok la actually the voyage down wasn't that bad. i didn't get seasick - which was a disappointment because i was fully expecting it - plus there were no 10-12 m waves which we were supposed to encounter. overall, the voyage was...monotonous. i mean, there's really not much you can do on a ship that's probably about 100m in length (possibly less). let me give you a general run through of my day spent on the aurora.

breakfast served at 0730-0830 (i have never made it to breakfast on the ship except for the very last day because I WAS FORCED TO).
wake up around 0930-1000.
brush teeth, shower, head down to the lounge and chat with people.
lunch served at 1130-1230.
head to lounge and chat with people/watch movie/play poker/play chess.
dinner served at 1730-1830.
head to lounge and chat with people/watch movie/play poker/play chess.
go to sleep between 0000-0100.

every single day. however, there were some days when we became ULTRA-bored, someone would come up with brilliant ideas like the Lounge Room Olympics (events include: getting over and under the coffee table without body touching floor, getting body through armrest of sofa set, climbing up metal pole, and, getting body through coat hanger) or playing Sardines (something like hide and seek, except one person hides and everyone seeks, and when you find someone, you squeeze in and hide with them until there's only one person seeking...who, effectively becomes the LOSER). brilliant.

anyway, it's good to be on station. need to figure out some configuration for my firefox in order for it to work. at the moment, i'm using explorer, and it's OLD and decrepit and i hate it and i can't upload any photos...so the photos will have to wait. but i can promise you, the photos i took were the SHITS! i have penguins for EVERYONE!

stay tuned.

Week 36: expeditioning to the frozen south begins TOMORROW!

2009-10-29T17:23:00.005+11:00

alright guys, THIS IS IT!

i'll be leaving for Hobart at 6 am tomorrow and will be onboard the Aurora Australis heading down south by 4 pm. that's 4 pm Sydney time! i think it'll be a long cold summer for me but what the fuck who cares THIS IS IT.

anyway, it was really good catching up with all you people who i saw over the past month. and if i didn't see u before this, well, i'll see you when i get back - hopefully with all my appendages intact lol! don't be grossed out if i come and shake your hand with 4 fingers on my right hand or if i bend over to kiss you on the cheek nose-less. I AM STILL HUMAN OK!?

if you need to email me while i'm on the boat (will be on the damned thing for 10 days, more give than take), my email address is Melanie.Ho@aurora.aad.gov.au and i can receive emails only three times everyday! if for some reason that email address doesn't work, then try Mel.Ho@aurora.aad.gov.au and if it STILL doesn't work, then, well, i guess we're fucked cos the ship probably sank somewhere out there in the southern ocean.

if you're still in australia, CALL ME TOMORROW! if you're in malaysia, you can still CALL ME TOMORROW! if you're somewhere else outside of malaysia OR australia (like, say, oh i don't know, portland or something), CALL ME TOMORROW! i leave only at 4pm so i'll have plenty of time to kill and chat with ANYONE OF YOU! this is urgent it might just be the last time you hear my voice /gloom.

ok anyway, gotta go! LOVE YOU ALL!

Week 35: 5 more days now, just 5 more days!

2009-10-25T16:40:00.003+11:00

isn't it funny how things work themselves out in this world that we live in? 4 years ago, when i was a 19-year-old green-eyed undergraduate, i was asked this question: where do you see yourself in 5 years' time? i answered, in my then self-effacing wit, that i would most likely be working at some mediocre, possibly sub-par marine biology-related job, barely earning enough to keep myself in motion. well, it's nearly 5 years on now, and through twists, turns and severely good bouts of luck, i am now standing at the cusp of being an expeditioner on an Antarctic research program funded by the good tax payers of Australia (i know i know, you guys must be fucking bored of hearing me speak about the frozen southern wastelands but i promise this will be the last time).

truth be told, i've never in my life imagined myself to be an Antarctic researcher, and i'm still tossing that thought around my head wondering how the choices i've made along the way have led me to this path that i am on today. i always imagined myself working in a tropical environment - somewhere nice and warm; well, the tropics and antarctica are worlds as far apart as you can imagine.

what am i thinking?

5 more days to go and suddenly i've lost the enthusiasm and eagerness that i had felt when i was down at the Division. it is finally hitting home that i WILL be missing out on a lot of things; things that i thought i would be able to handle, but right this moment, that ability is beginning to look quite doubtful.

matters of career aside, my, ISN'T IT FUNNY HOW THINGS HAVE WORKED THEMSELVES OUT?? baklava, you know how much i love your sweetness, because i have an extremely sweet-tooth. you may be rather nutty sometimes, but that's what keeps me enthralled in your charms - the nuts i can handle; the crunch and crackle keeps me coming back for more. ever since i first had a taste of you 4 years back by accident, i've found myself entirely hooked on you, you're my dessert of choice. even though i was warned by many sources that you were drowned in enough honey to give someone acute Type 2 diabetes, i guess it's a chance that i was, and still am, willing to take. your cloying sweetness, sometimes overwhelming, still manages to pull surprises on me even though i think i know you so well. so many facets, baklava, you offer so much variety: rose-syrup, pistachio, walnut - it's enough to keep me entertained for a long long time!

you are my guilty pleasure, my turkish delight, my drug-like addiction (even though you are just honey-and-nut-filled pastry), and possibly my downfall. but who cares? i know i don't and i know that everytime i am done with the main course, you will be my first and only pick on the dessert menu.

Week 35: Backpacker hostels (except Zackry's guesthouse, Langkawi) sucks balls.

2009-10-21T19:14:00.004+11:00

greetings from hobart! i've been here since thursday of last week, and frankly, i'm starting to get really shit bored of the place and i can't wait to get off the island. don't get me wrong though, hobart is a FANTASTIC place...scenery-wise. but activity-wise, it's rather lacking. at the moment i'm staying in a backpacker's accommodation, the tv's broke and the whole damn place is fucking old and scary AND dodgy - considering that i was staying at the leisure inn the few days before (which is suddenly looking a whole lot 5-star to me), sigh fml.

anyway, been spending my days at the australian antarctic division for training and doing other miscellaneous stuff. suddenly i'm all the more keen and excited about my trip just because there were so many fabulous pictures hanging on all the walls throughout the division! and i met tons of highly interesting people there who told me stories of their past experiences down south - it seems like i can never run away from doomed alcoholics because the aad personnel (or anyone under its banner that's heading south anyway) are all drunkards. it's true. they were telling me how much alcohol they already have stashed for the season in antarctica and i'm caught between being highly amused and impressed. at least i know people who will now gladly offer me some (they found out that i had none and pulling the sad asian girl face always works).

HOWEVER, work and shitty (ok la actually it's not that bad - the place is relatively clean and there's a lot of people moving about BUT i just KNOW that i'm gonna wake up tonight and see 'something' staring at me fuck man i'm sleeping with my lights on) backpacker hostels aside, i had a WONDERFUL weekend here in hobart! i'm not gonna delve into too much detail about it but needless to say, without this weekend, i would've probably gotten sick of hobart way earlier. highlight of the weekend: mt wellington. best fucking spot EVER. i mean, not the best spot for fucking (although, it might actually BE the best spot), but ah, you get my drift. loved it!

ok la..this is shit. i'm gonna retire into my dingy four-walled single-bed room and read up on my papers. and probably go to sleep early, sleep of which i'm severely lacking.

and oh ya! the research station that i'll be going to (Davis Station) is actually 6 hours behind eastern australian standard time (sydney, melbourne) and 3 hours behind malaysian time. AWESOME! for once i'm gonna be the one telling people NOT to sleep so early!

ok good bye, till my next weekend WHICH I CAN'T WAIT FOR!

Week 34: Minor housekeeping to let you know i'm still around!

2009-10-14T17:20:00.004+11:00

ok, i was told that i haven't been updating much. apologies all around but now that we're only 2 weeks from launch-off, i've been swamped by things yet-to-do which i have not done!

ok, basically, what i've been doing since coming back from melbourne is packing things up into boxes, taping boxes up and shipping them down to hobart. it cost me $411.00 to send four boxes down yesterday, total weight being about 50kgs. i didn't realise it was gonna be so expensive. i know that's like under $10/kg but STILL? i could've bought two plane tickets to hobart with that weight and still it'd have been cheaper. i feel ripped off by Australia Post. but then again, i'm not the one paying for it, the lab is..so. meh.

and from tomorrow onwards, i'll be away! i'll be in hobart till next sunday (25.10) for training. then back to sydney for another four days, and then flying back to hobart again on thursday this time for good! and maybe, there'll be a mystery stop between hobart and sydney haha sorry i can't put it down here now for security purposes.

anyway...that's it for me. shitloads of travelling. love you guys.

here's a recap from what i've already done HAHA.

~~1. go for a sushi all-you-can-eat/buffet.~~
2. get pissed drunk till the point where i have to be carried into bed (justification: gonna try not to drink while on the ice, in case i slip into a crevice). GOT DRUNK BUT NOT TILL THE POINT OF PASSING OUT SO THIS IS NOT DONE.
~~3. spend a day at the beach and soak up some sun while it's still warm!~~ kinda la.
~~4. visit glebe and paddington markets.~~
~~5. have dinner with all family members currently in sydney.~~ pretty much met up with everyone.
6. play with nephews.
7. mussel pot at belgian bier cafe.
8. PORK and mango beer at lowenbrau.
~~9. VISIT MELBOURNE!~~
10. watch a movie (possibly Sherlock Holmes if it's already out before 30 Oct).
~~11. play poker.~~
12. win money at poker. i have yet to win sobsobsob.
13. chocolate fondue at max brenner (actually, fuck la, chocolate ANYTHING).
14. meet up with wai king (because he's being fucking anti-social i don't know why).
~~15. meet up with everyone else who i can possibly meet up with.~~ also pretty much accomplished.
~~16. go for major dim sum session.~~
17. have copenhagen ice-cream at darling harbour. at night. when all the lights are out. does having Lindt ice-cream in the afternoon count?
~~18. perhaps more alcoholic-like activities, but don't need until i have to be carried to bed.~~
~~19. mussel, oysters, sashimi, salt and pepper squid and lobster from sydney fish market.~~
20. miss marples scones at dandenongs (hint: ALBERT!)
21. spend a day at mornington peninsula (also hint: ALBERT!)
22. take photographs on the steps of parliament house, spring street.
23. have a picnic.

ok see you byebye.

Week 33: 3 more weeks to good bye.

2009-10-06T17:40:00.004+11:00

i have about 3 more weeks before i leave for the frozen southern tundra. it's weird! i haven't actually really given much thought to it because life has been quite...turbulent the past few weeks. and now i'm staring down the barrel of 3 more weeks of sunshine-and-green-trees-enjoyment and 4 months of icy hell.

please don't misunderstand and think that i'm ranting against going for this trip. au contraire, i'm actually super looking forward to it because the way i see it:

1. great career opportunity
2. fantastic experience (seriously...fucking Antartica? ok..i mean, not fucking in that sense but you understand)
3. trip of a lifetime

the other day, albert was saying that antartica is probably only second to exploring the moon in terms of the hostility of the environment as well as the reachability (?? did i get this right? sorry i was zoning out a little). i have to say that i agree!

anyway, i went for my psychology test today as part of my preparations for the trip. needless to say, i ACED it and completely won over the lovely interviewer lady so much so that she was shaking my hands vigorously towards the end of said interview and wishing me all the best of luck in my trip and future endeavours. there was a point where she asked me if i consumed alcohol and, of course, i said yes. she wanted to know when was the last time i had a drink, so i told her that it was a couple of days ago when i was in Melbourne. she proceeded to ask me HOW MUCH did i consume while i was there, and i told her with the straightest face, oh...about 2-3 glasses, i never more drink more than 3. and i swear, i kid you not, she broke out into the biggest smile and said GOOD GIRL in a resounding voice. at that exact moment, i felt an intense feeling of joy because i'd just made someone's day. anyway, your friend and daughter is not mentally unbalanced because the psychologist said so, so we can all rest easy tonight.

so yes, three more weeks for you to come say goodbye to me, after which you'll have to wait for march before you get to see my face.

[Edit: adding photos from my BEST 10 DAYS at the bottom of this post - i went a bit polaroid-crazy]

Week 33: It's official, me and Melbourne belong together.

2009-10-05T14:29:00.003+11:00

would you believe me if i told you that i've just had the best 10 days of my life?

i know. this might sound really biased and i'm pretty sure if you dig around and ask me,

"didn't you say the best 10 days of your life was when you were CAs with Kailan and co/Gene, Karen, Adrian and co?"
or
"wasn't the best 10 days of your life when you drove to Cairns?"
or
"are you sure it wasn't that time you went back to KL for holidays?",

you would've caught me. those were REALLY GOOD 10 days...but the most recent 10 days? they were THE BEST!

pretty much since albert arrived in sydney at the most ungodly hour of 7.30 am on a friday morning, our days have been go go go. everything revolved around food and alcohol and fun and meeting new faces and seeing new places. at one point, it got a bit overwhelming at one point, but everything sorted themselves out in no time.

and now, to cap off the best 10 days of my life, i am left having to face work and reality again with a left eye infected with conjunctivitis, an epic sore throat, a really fucked up nose that doesn't seem to want to unclog itself, NO VOICE and severe lethargy. (at this point, i'd just like to say - parents, calm down. i am fine. don't need to call me to demand an explanation).

but you know what? fuck this, it was totally worth it! now all i have to do is look forward to antartica and hope that those 5 months pass at the speed of light.

Week 31: It's the last day on Earth!

2009-09-24T14:50:00.005+10:00

so, yesterday i woke up to what i thought was the end of the world. you know how, even though you have your eyes shut, when you look into a light source or the sun, you 'see' this orange glow through your eyelids? perhaps see isn't the best word to describe it, it is that warm orangey glow you SENSE.

so anyway, i was asleep and for some reason, i could sense this orangey fuzziness in my dreams and opened my eyes blearily at around 6 am. what i saw outside my window was the most WHAT THE FUCK moment of my life. everything outside was orange I KID YOU NOT. it felt like i was on the set of Dune or some other low-budget sci-fi movie (HAHA ok la Dune was pretty awesome - apologies to all Dune fans out there).

and so, there i was, laying in bed, staring outside my window and going what the fuck over and over again. however, even pseudo-apocalyptic events such as these didn't warrant enough clout to make me get out of bed, take a photo and therein record the event for future referencing. after about 30 seconds of wtf-ing, i went back to sleep, because, armageddon or no armageddon, sleep takes top priority.

therefore, the pictures that you see here will have been shamelessly stolen by me from the great interweb. what actually happened was that there was a freak sandstorm that blew into pretty much the whole area of New South Wales up to Brisbane covering everything in a thin layer of red dust.

to those people whose photos i stole, if you're reading this, I REALLY APPRECIATE THEM and they're gorgeous.

i shall now prophesise that:

1. the New South Wales car wash industry will experience an infinity-times increase in business. seriously, there has not been a single car that i saw that is not covered in red earth.

2. Jehovah's Witnesses and Seventh-Day Adventists all around the country will have their 5-minutes of fame for having faithfully proclaimed that the coming of the end of the world is nigh. IN YOUR FACE, NON-BELIEVERS!

3. tomorrow, i will STILL be blowing my nose and discovering that there's red dust on the tissue. i slept with my windows opened the day the world ended and was too lazy to wake up to shut it. to be fair, i didn't know what was happening because if i'd known that it was actually really fine-grained particles of dust, i would've so totally shut it. FML. no i totally deserved that.

Week 31: Two years, the life of Safran and numbing pain.

2009-09-22T12:03:00.003+10:00

Like a thief in the night, it creeps up silently behind you; catching you unawares till the very moment that you were informed that it has already been two years. Two years? Wow. It sure doesn’t feel like two years because I can still remember, with extreme vividness, where I was at, what I was doing, who I was with and the myriad of emotions I felt crashing down on me, two years ago. Two years ago sounds like such a long time, but two years ago feels just like yesterday.

How do you measure time spent in two years?

1051200 minutes? 17520 hours? 730 days? 104 weeks? 24 months?

Do you keep track of two years by the number of sunrises? How about the number of sunsets? How many times you smiled or laughed out loud without a care? Perhaps it is the number of times you cried. Joyous events? New people you meet? Holidays? Personal accomplishments? Tragedies?

Are these all measures to help dampen the effect, to blur the memory? By living our lives everyday and overloading the senses, is it, perhaps, an inbuilt mechanism to help us get through or deal with the fact that it has already been two years? Are we secretly trying to forget even though we repeatedly assure ourselves that, yes, I want to remember and I want to keep that memory alive and burning in me?

Sometimes, I feel like I don’t want to forget, yet, I feel like I can’t not forget. Every day that I remember is every day spent feeling guilty, of wishing that I could have done things differently, or spending more time, or calling back more often, or having more photographs to look back upon.

It’s been two years, and I’m still waiting for my memory to blur itself out of my consciousness.

. . .

Excerpt from Everything Is Illuminated. Adequately sums up how hard losing memories can be!

He had also lost a wife, not to death but to another man. He had returned from an afternoon at the library to find a note covering the SHALOM! of their home’s welcome mat: I had to do it for myself.

But his wife was his first and only love, and it was the nature of those from the tiny village to forgive their first and only loves, so he forced himself to understand, or pretend to understand. As for the note, he couldn’t bear to keep it, but he couldn’t bear to destroy it either. So he tried to lose it.

He left it by the wax-weeping candle holders, placed it between matzos every Passover, dropped it without regard among rumpled papers on his cluttered desk, hoping it wouldn’t be there when he returned. But it was always there. He hid it like a bookmark in one of the novels he most hated, but it would appear several days later between the pages of one of the books that he alone in the village read, one of the books that the note had now spoiled for him forever.

He couldn’t for the life of him lose the note. It kept returning to him. It stayed with him, like a part of him, like a birthmark, like a limb, it was on him, in him, him, his hymn: I had to do it for myself.

He had lost so many slips of paper over time, and keys, pens, shirts, glasses, watches, silverware. He had lost a shoe, his favourite opal cufflinks, three years away from Trachimbrod, millions of ideas he intended to write down (some of them wholly original, some of them deeply meaningful), his hair, his posture, two parents, two babies, his wife, a fortune in pocket change, more chances than could be counted. He even lost a name. There seemed to be nothing he couldn’t lose. But that slip of paper wouldn’t disappear, ever.

. . .

by the way, my left arm hurts like shit! who knew that the after-effects of injections on your forearm could be so devastating?! for a moment, i was really worried that the vaccines would throw up all plans of having the best weekend and subsequent week EVER (in terms of R-OH consumption), but apparently, i have nothing to fear. TWO MORE DAYS TWO MORE DAYS!

Week 30: Raya la, beb.

2009-09-18T16:07:00.004+10:00

besok raya la! bosan..dah lama aku tak celebrate raya. aku rindu sgt kuih yg dibuat oleh mama Nata Shariff. aku rindu sgt bihun goreng dan kari ayam yg slalu dihidangkan kat rumah pak cik aku. dandandan oh tuhanku, aku rindu sgt duit raya! taula walaupun aku bukan minah tapi disebabkan pak cik aku kahwin melayu dan masuk agama islam, maka sebagai anak saudaranya dapatla i ber-benefit masa duit raya diedarkan! dan bukan main duit kecik taaauuu - jumlahnya besar!

bosan. dah 5 tahun dah tak sempat berhari raya. dan untuk meng-make matters worse, geng aku kat kajang berbuat planning nak pergi roadtrip. kau kata sial tak?! dandandan untuk meng-make matters WORST, diorang sume dapat cuti hingga selasa minggu depan! sial. knapa takde cuti semacam tu kat australia? percentage orang beragama islam yg menyambut hari raya kat negara ni pun agak besar jugak, knapa tak diisytiharkan cuti awam?? sial. diskriminasi la panggil tu. hanya tau christmas je...yg tak beragama kristian tu, takya kisah issit?!

bosan. sial aku terfikir bile hari isnin menjelang, geng aku akan best berseronok cuti main mabuk sial. aku plak kena pergi disuntik untuk vaccine hepatitis A + B dan tetanus la, booster la apa-apa sume main datang. benci. dahla aku dah meng-expect-kan sakit, lagi nak terfikir mereka yg berseronokan di malaysia. bosan.

selamat hari raya in advance. ingatilah aku yg kesian kat sini tanpa kuih-muih, kari rendang, cuti awam dan duit raya. ah tapi yg paling best yg aku TAK RINDU LANGSUNG - bunyi mercun. sial budak-budak tu sume yg slalu main kat padang belakang rumah aku sampai tido pun tak lena!

Week 30: Hannah Montana is our inspiration.

2009-09-17T11:07:00.006+10:00

the way my workload has been cycling these days is equivalent to a woman going through PMS. there are moments of calm and order where everything's chilled and relaxed, and then suddenly, something primordial kicks in and everything goes into a frantic frenzied overdrive. and it's really starting to give me the shits because i'll have a few slow days where all i ever do is surf youtube for episodes of ghost hunter (of which i'm HIGHLY EXTREMELY ADDICTED TO) or go on facebook and spam people's photos with random comments. and then, when i've gotten into a routine of bludging, suddenly i'm dumped with a whole load of work and no directions. all i want to do is watch ghost hunter in peace!!

yesterday was a bad day. today is a slow day, hence, a good day. therefore i've decided to forgo some ghost hunter hours and blog instead.

i'm just gonna be putting up photos of the most recent trip back just because it's nice and happy and cheery and PINK. it was abby's 23rd birthday, aptly themed Hannah Montana The Fuck Out. it's true. we love the little cyrus - or, in any case, abby does!

and so ended my 20-day stint back in the motherland - in full pink gloriousness!

p.s. baby, if you're reading this - USE THE FUCKING BAG ALREADY! don't make me go back and tear up your rempit bag to shreds. you know me and elaine won't hesitate.

Week 29: Kinda like a bucket-list, but not.

2009-09-11T17:00:00.004+10:00

inspired by a friend, i have decided to come up with a list of things that i want to do/accomplish before i leave for the ice! in no particular order:

1. go for a sushi all-you-can-eat/buffet.
2. get pissed drunk till the point where i have to be carried into bed (justification: gonna try not to drink while on the ice, in case i slip into a crevice).
3. spend a day at the beach and soak up some sun while it's still warm!
4. visit glebe and paddington markets.
5. have dinner with all family members currently in sydney.
6. play with nephews.
7. mussel pot at belgian bier cafe.
8. PORK and mango beer at lowenbrau.
9. VISIT MELBOURNE!
10. watch a movie (possibly Sherlock Holmes if it's already out before 30 Oct).
11. play poker.
12. win money at poker.
13. chocolate fondue at max brenner (actually, fuck la, chocolate ANYTHING).
14. meet up with wai king (because he's being fucking anti-social i don't know why).
15. meet up with everyone else who i can possibly meet up with.
16. go for major dim sum session.
17. have copenhagen ice-cream at darling harbour. at night. when all the lights are out.
18. perhaps more alcoholic-like activities, but don't need until i have to be carried to bed.
19. mussel, oysters, sashimi, salt and pepper squid and lobster from sydney fish market.
20. miss marples scones at dandenongs (hint: ALBERT!)
21. spend a day at mornington peninsula (also hint: ALBERT!)
22. take photographs on the steps of parliament house, spring street.
23. have a picnic.

ok la, 23 things for my 23 years. i'll probably add to it when i can think of more things to do.

Week 29: From the Book of Recurrent Dreams

2009-09-09T11:35:00.002+10:00

There is this book that I want to tell everyone about. It’s called Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer and it is the one book that truly drove home the saying to ‘Never judge a book by its cover’ for me. Not that it had much of a cover because it was a Penguins Paperback publication (think: orange like Guantanamo Bay), but, by the above saying I mean that the story unraveled into something completely different from what I’d initially expected. It started out as a comedy, a joke, but turned into tragedy at the very end.

It is a story about fate and chance and love and choices given and decisions made and, ultimately, consequences and loss.

Without giving away too much, there are two main arcs in the story: one set in the past and one set in the present trying to discover the past. It is about a young American Jew who journeys to Ukraine in search of the woman who saved his grandfather from the Nazis. There, he meets a young Ukrainian native and his grandfather, both of whom acts as his translator and guide/driver. After you’ve gone past the first two chapters, there’s no turning back. The characters are extremely sympathetic, past and present, and there’s so much to relate to in the words.

It is possibly one of the best books I’ve ever read. And I’ve decided to put up a few of my favourite passages from the book whenever I feel like it – just so that I may tempt you to give it a chance too.

4: 525 – The dream that we are our fathers. I walked to the Brod, without knowing why, and looked into my reflection in the water. I couldn’t look away. What was that image that pulled me in after it? What was it that I loved? And then I recognized it. So simple. In the water I saw my father’s face, and that face saw the face of its father, and so on, and so on, reflecting backwards to the beginning of time, to the face of God, in whose image we were created. We burned with love for ourselves, all of us, starters of the fire we suffered – our love was the affliction for which only our love was the cure.

Week 29: The great icecapade!

2009-09-08T12:56:00.004+10:00

right. so i'm not sure how many of you already know about this but i was telling a few of you rather tentatively when i met you. it's all finalised now though: i'll be going to antartica from the end of october and only returning back to non-iced soil on the first week of march!

ye? did you get that? i'm going to antartica for 4.5 months! the trip to the ice will take 10 days but the return journey will be about 3 weeks to a month. yup, a month on a ship.

at first i was kinda hesitant about wanting to commit myself to the research trip just because there were so many uncertainties plaguing my mind! just the thought of being stuck on the ice for 4 months is enough to kill my enthusiasm because i'm so intolerant to the cold. i'm not made for the cold! i'm made for warm tropical climates! also, i wasn't too excited about missing the lab trip up to one tree island, christmas, new years' eve and day, my cousin's wedding, my mom's birthday (which also happens to Valentine's Day - but who am i kidding, Valentine's Day is dead to me) AND chinese new year (oh man, the angpows)! basically it's gonna be a whole year-long of winter because i've just missed all of summer! and then, not forgetting the logistics of it - having to buy clothes worthy of sub-zero antartic temperatures AND finding someone to take over my room or else having to pay empty rent for 4.5 months (i did the maths - it comes up to $3600).

all these cons were enough to make me not want to go.

but then, IT'S FUCKING ANTARTICA FOR FUCK'S SAKES! how many people can claim that they've been to antartica!? not many, that's how many! how often would i get the chance to be invited to go for an antartic research expedition all expenses paid?! not very often, no sir, not at all, that's how often! not only would it be the trip, nay, the EXPERIENCE of a lifetime, but it would also be a great opportunity for me and my future budding scientific career!

so i did the math again (now i know why i did Specialist Maths in SAM - it comes in handy during times like these), and realised that i would be a total fucking idiot and complete tool if i turned the chance down. what's $3600? something that i can work for and recoup later in life - but could i recoup another chance at going down to the antartics? i don't think so! and what's summer and missing the lab trip up to one tree island, christmas, new years' eve and day, my cousin's wedding, my mom's birthday (Valentine's Day - YOU ARE STILL DEAD TO ME), chinese new year AND ang pows? things that'll come around again the next year (except for my cousin's wedding la - sorry!). but, trip to antarctica, will you come around again? no. no i highly doubt so.

and, apparently, that's what everyone had already caught up on except me. everyone who i ever tentatively spoke to was way more eager and excited and enthusiastic than me! ye, even my parents when i told them that i could potentially end up like rose dewitt bukater ala titanic. their response? BUT IT'S ANTARTICA OF COURSE YOU MUST GO ON PAIN OF YOUR LIFE (ok they didn't actually say that, but something of that extent)!

so ye, i'm going! i'm going! i'll be leaving possibly before the 30th of october for tasmania so if you feel like visiting me one last time before i leave on this voyage for the great unknown, DO COME! you have less than 2 months to do so! who knows, the melanie that comes back will be a melanie with one less finger or toe, or god forbid, no nose, due to frostbite! or even worse yet, NO MELANIE ANYMORE! ye, i'm trying to turn this into a guilt thing too...SO COME AND SAY GOODBYE TO ME! soon.

p.s. who am i kidding? no nose = WOOTS!

Week 28: Too morose for the first day of spring? Yes? No?

2009-09-01T16:25:00.001+10:00

Every time I take notice of the date, I am surprised that it’s still 2009. It feels to me as though it’s been a very long while since I saw the fireworks exploding over Mont Kiara heralding in the new year. Yet it is only September. It is only September and already I feel like too much has happened. This year has overshot its quota for ‘Sensational Happenings, Unbelievable News and Things To Do’ and I don’t know what I should do to return things back to normal – back to the way it was when things were boring, predictable and safe.

I have never been good at handling sorrow, grief, hurt or pain. To say that I’m horribly non-confrontational would just be repeating what I’ve said a million times over in my writing. When presented with something that I can’t find ways of dealing with, I tend to run away. Or buat bodoh. Yes, I am truly the queen of buat bodoh buat tak tau sometimes because more often than not, there is truth in ‘Ignorance is Bliss’. But when I can’t run away or buat bodoh anymore, my last drastic measure is to cut whatever that’s troubling me from sight, mind, memory and life.

Of late, I have been doing just that. I did try to run away but it didn’t work. I tried to buat bodoh, but you can’t really buat bodoh about anything if it’s hanging over your head day in and night out with the same insistency of a dripping tap drip drip drip all night long. So, running out of options, I succumbed to pressure and have been living my life in a very Lacuna Inc-esque manner. I can’t say that it’s fantastic but it certainly helps.

If I don’t see, I don’t think, I don’t recall or I don’t know, then it ceases to exist. And when it becomes non-existential, well, all properties associated with it will disappear, pain included. It may seem harsh or even severe to some people, but this is the only way I know to do it. If you can think of debilitating problem memories as a kind of toxin to your soul, the best approach for a cure would be just to purge it out of your system. Therein lies the magic and wonder of Lacuna Inc.

Week 28 - Merdeka la, sayang.

2009-08-31T15:09:00.003+10:00

i really wanted to write something incredibly funny and witty yet somewhat prosaic and reflective almost bordering on melancholic about our independance day and what it means to me - but i failed. i failed miserably. i went through three different opening paragraphs yet scrapped them all because it didn't feel like it properly described what i wanted to say. also it was rather try-hardish. so i binned it!

anyway, 5 years ago, i was an apathetic malaysian. but now that i'm living overseas, i've transformed into this flag-waving country-defending ultra-patriotic citizen. now that i can't be in malaysia 24/7, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, i've come to realise just how good home can be.

however, i do know that home isn't perfect and as the years go by, you come to understand and realise that there are less and less things about home that you can be proud of (lee chong wei - what a shit outing at the world championships...no la, actually what i'm trying to say is...ALTANTUYA!). it is always very disheartening to go into thestar.com.my and read about all the shit things that politicians and small-minded shit-stirring people are doing IN MY BELOVED COUNTRY! it makes me very very angry because these people are fucking up the country that i want to grow old and rear my children and be buried in!

sigh.

now that it's been 52 years since we last sang God Save The Queen and replaced it with Negaraku, i'm hoping that situations will get better. i wish someone would tell Najib that his OneMalaysia plan is a fucking farce and that he'd better think of something more original before shit hits the fan. and all those different factions within BN all trying to outdo each other when they should be working together to improve the nation. the but then again, the opposition are pretty shit too now that they're all fighting against each other - what happened to September 16?! so i guess the bottomline is: we're screwed.

Selamat Hari Merdeka, you guys.

if i were you, i'd go watch all those videos posted on 15Malaysia. it can't really do much to save the situation but at least it'll make you feel better and to acknowledge the fact that there are some really creatively talented malaysians out there. we're not all about pirated dvds.

Week 27: More picture spam time ala Malacca!

2009-08-27T14:36:00.002+10:00

the week i landed in malaysia was about the same time as when swine flu started to tighten its grip on the nation. the day i arrived, there were 3 deaths and three weeks after when i left, the death toll had shot up to >60. amazing huh? so naturally, there was a lot of hype, fear and prejudice against dear old A(H1N1) a.k.a. hini and everyone who exhibited its symptoms.

enter, ms. yap yee leng.

for about the whole of the first week, she was coughing and sneezing and just feeling all kinds of hini that we started dubbing her as ms. hini. it even caused her to bail on our malacca trip hence we dedicated our entire day there to her and her sickness. at the end of the day, we were just trying to increase public awareness to the dangers of hini.

anyway, malacca was shitloads of fun. food is always good, and food that you can't always get IS EVEN BETTER! oh yea, i finally managed to try the greatly elusive yet highly talked about and sought after satay babi. it was alright. perhaps i'd raised my expectations sky-high because it definitely did not meet it. the sauce was a bit weird (70% pineapple, 20% peanut and 10% lain-lain). but alright, nonetheless. at least, now that i've tried it, i'll feel less inclined to drive around lost and blind hunting for the damned shop.

Week 27: Picture spam time!

2009-08-26T15:40:00.007+10:00

it's been awhile since i last posted any pictures! anyway, here goes the first part of my trip back although i reckon most of you would've already seen it on my facebook page in its raw form. i guess i need some colour back into this blog of mine. wordiness depress me and, i guess, to combat it i shall spam myself with loads of toothy grins and vivid willy wonka-ish hues!

please don't get the impression that my 3 weeks back in malaysia was just spent doing alcoholicky activities. it just so happened that, when we were doing other things, i didn't bring my camera out with me. i know genePOP has a penchant for whitewashing me with the alcoholic paintbrush, but i'm here telling you, THAT AIN'T TRUE!

Week 27: It's a long road from here on, babe.

2009-08-25T17:26:00.002+10:00

it feels like yesterday when i was boarding the past-midnight flight back to KL and now i'm ensconced once again behind my desk in the Byrne Lab. i actually wanted to blog more when i was back in malaysia but couldn't due to time constraints so i figured i'll just backdate them and do it now. here are 10 more things i learnt since being back:

1. Never underestimate the power of Veet - it is true what they say; Veet can remove ANYTHING.
2. Boys can bake cheesecakes too.
3. Kuon-lou beefball noodles are the best things next to pan mee with extra anchovies.
4. Never wait more than half an hour for someone to show up. If you waited for three hours, you've just been taken for a ride.
5. Daniel Radcliffe is amazingly hot...for a 19 year-old.
6. If all plans fail, head over to a McD's drive-through, grab some coke and nuggets and hustle over to the park.
7. You need shitloads of ginger to make chicken rice.
8. One flaming lamborghini is good but TWO flaming lamborghinis is BETTER.
9. Pain can come in all forms when you least expect it.
10. Never underestimate the power time - you can never win because you're always holding the lesser cards.

time.

my time will never be yours or yours from now on till whenever i think is right.

maybe pictures tomorrow!

Week 25: Sine curves.

2009-08-12T16:40:00.002+10:00

hello there! for those who weren't in-the-know, i'm in kajang now and have been for the last 2 weeks! everything's fine and peachy except for the haze, which probably accounts for more health problems than the dreaded hini.

anyway, i give you the top 10 things i've learnt since coming back:

1. time may pass and 16 years may have gone by but, people never change.
2. "We cannot put you and baby together because when you guys gang up, the force becomes ultra evil" - Lola (2009).
3. 'hini', as a word, is more taboo than 'incest' when uttered around some one.
4. you can never have too much of pan mee with extra anchovies.
5. vomit can find its way around ANY obstacle if it wants out.
6. girls can definitely qualify as F1 drivers too.
7. if you climb up next to the statue of St Francis Xavier, people around you will stare.
8. pork satay is actually pretty good.
9. the botanical gardens in Putrajaya is, surprisingly, worth a visit come rain or shine.
10. starbucks is still the place to be for high-speed broadband internet.

and with that, i shall now leave you with more sombre jottings. life can't always be happy, you know.

. . .

Perhaps it is really because I’ve been away for far too long. This most recent trip back to the Motherland has finally struck it deep within me: I am the ‘Outsider’, the one who glances about quizzically during moments of inside jokes and back-of-the-hand muffled laughter. [However, it would be unfair if I white-washed my entire company of friends with this not-so palatable brush: the above-mentioned scenarios occur only when I’m with a select few. So, if you think I’m pointing my finger at you, chances are, I am not – don’t worry].

It feels odd. I feel displaced yet I know I shouldn’t be. But more often than not, I’m left wondering if I made the right decision to pick up my phone and dial your numbers. When I am with you, you and you, I find myself struggling to keep up with the conversation because everyone is moving through topics at the speed of light that I cease to comprehend what the subject is about after awhile. I sit there with this look that says, ‘Hey, I’m confused and can someone clue me in?’ but no one ever does. Then, cue inside joke and everyone laughs…but me.

Times like these, I feel like I don’t know you, you and you anymore. The ‘You’s I know were the ‘You’s that you once were. You are a new you, and I am a different me. Times like these, I feel sorry because what we once had is now entrenched in the past and I can’t possibly begin to decipher the ‘You’ that you have now become. It is probably something inevitable, something wrought by passing time and geographical space and it’s something that neither I nor you can do anything about. It probably just happened. Like how shit happens.

Right now, I guess I’ll just pretend like nothing’s happened and let time take its course. All of us know that, in time, we’ll just be someone we used to know to each other.

Week 22: I returneth! p.s. photos aren't up re: below.

2009-07-23T22:11:00.007+10:00

apologies to those who keep coming back to this site just to find out that i still haven't yet updated! it's just that i've been really busy this whole month and have been traveling non-stop (and will continue to do more traveling in the days to come). just a recap on what i've been up to, it's nothing too exciting but i just thought i'd let you know in my presumptive sort of way.

first up, karen came over for a fleeting visit and it was great fun catching up with her! we went about to most of the usual places e.g. Opera House, Pancakes on the Rocks, old hearty pubs etc. i even brought her out to Little Bay to watch me do my thing i.e. collect seawater sigh that's what i do for a living. she even helped me expand my handful of sydney friends by one more extra by introducing me to her friend!

then, on the very same day that she left for auckland, me and my mom flew over to melbourne for a small holiday. we rented a car and drove all over melbourne and the surrounds. it was pretty awesome except for the weather and the fact that i was nearly coughing up my lungs the whole time. i even thought that i'd succumbed to the dreaded swine flu but all was well in the end. anyway, we went for a drive on the Great Ocean Road and stayed the night at Warnambool (which was a pretty quaint town, really) as well as driving up to the Dandenongs. the rest of the days were pretty much spent wandering around melbourne cbd. after she left, i spent the remainder of my trip with numbnuts, chris g and albert. nothing too exciting either, we just played poker (a lot) and i was taught how to Winning 11! yea, i didn't include the word 'play' on purpose because Winning 11 is in itself a verb. the latter part of my melbourne trip completely wiped out my circadian rhythms and set everything back to zero because we ended up sleeping no earlier than 3.30 am (the other respective times were 7.30 am and 5.30 am) and i (Melanie Ho only) woke up at 10-11 every morning after. i was pretty much running on adrenaline from then on.

got home from melbourne on thursday night (11 pm) and flew out to One Tree Island, Gladstone the very next morning on a 6am flight. right about this time, i felt like a jet-setter except less glamorous and completely exhausted (re: above). and i'm still here on one tree. it's amazing. they have internet access here 100kms offshore! i don't even get internet access at home! i'd put in a photo of one tree to show how amazing it is to be living on a tropical island for 8 days except that my camera's in the room and i can't be fucked to go get it. but you get the idea.

perhaps i'll do a more detailed account of my travels but, let's face it, no one really wants to read the words. perhaps i'll put some pictures in because they say a thousand that i can't possibly type.

Week 17: Sorry for all the times I ranted at you, Rain

2009-06-18T13:26:00.006+10:00

it has been a very wet week in Sydney. and it is perhaps this incessant wetness that is driving me to walk in the rain every day to work and back. yes, i am that crazy girl you see walking down Ross Street with her hands stuffed in her jacket pockets and a big grin on her face, if ever you so happen to be there in the mornings and late evenings.

perhaps it is my upbringing that has compelled me to try to drown myself in the feathery downpour - i don't know! when i was a child, i was strictly told not to play in the rain. my parents, who were usually very lenient in regards to their only daughter child in all aspects of life, adhered to their no-playing-in-the-rain rule with strict almost Machiavellian-like efficiency. no means no. no you CANNOT play in the rain.

in all my childhood life, i can only remember bending their rule once and that was back when i was in standard two. i was corrupted by my bunch of friends who were running back and forth between the shelter, where we waited for our parents to pick us up, and the rain. they would stand right at the edge of the tin roof where the water would drip and fall down like a thin glimmering waterfall and lift their face up to the drops and then grin back at me the most awful grin - the ones that say, oi stupid, why aren't you joining us and revelling in this great fun?! as the rain poured harder, their screams became more frequent and their laughter got louder as they flapped their arms around in the pouring rain and played 'catch' while i stood there sulking and staring at them, wanting so much to join them yet not daring to suffer the wrath that i knew i would cop if my parents saw their only daughter child drenched through her dark blue pinafore.

however, like all fairytales with a happy ending, i ended up joining them in the rain AND IT WAS THE BESTEST FEELING EVER! the cold rain lashing down on my head and blinding my eyes and running down my neck was pure joy - no wonder everyone was screaming and squealing! and then my dad came with an umbrella and when he saw me behaving like a little heathen child running around and jumping into puddles, he said, LEI CHOU MAT YEH AR!? LEI GAU SUI AR! FAN HUI THUNG MAMEE GONG THAI LEI JONG LAU MOU!? (loosely translated to: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU PLAYING WITH WATER? GO BACK TELL YOUR MOTHER SEE IF YOU'LL GET A SCOLDING!)

but i didn't care HAHAHAHA i skipped outside his umbrella as we walked to the car because i reasoned that as i was already wet, i might as well go the full yard. surprisingly, i don't remember anything of the retribution i got so either it wasn't that harsh that's why i forgot all about it, or it was hell-raising akin to Nazism that's why i blanked it out of my memory. either way, that was the last time i ever played in the rain.

so yea - this sudden urge to walk in the rain even though i have a perfectly well and functioning umbrella in the bag is striking me as odd and slightly amusing. the good thing is that, now, when my mom sees me drenched the moment i step into the apartment, she doesn't say anything. YAY to being 23 and too old for reprimanding or a scolding or machiavellian wrath!

ps. i saw a rainbow whilst walking to work. i saw a rainbow yesterday too! and also on monday!
pps. i also saw a rat hiding in the drain. ya rabbi i was walking CLENCHED all the way to work. even the rainbow didn't work to assuage my clench-ness. every orifice, finger and toe was CLENCHED.

Week 17: Why kids these days have too much time on their hands

2009-06-15T13:08:00.004+10:00

breaking news! this just in! i thought i had to, just HAD to commit this down to writing and have it kept in the annals of history of this blog because it's something that doesn't come about every other day!

anyway, my dad rang me this morning to inform me that...JENGJENGJENG...my high school got burnt down! there i've said it! however, it is suspected to be the work of arsons and not a mere accident gone horribly wrong. and how can it NOT be the work of arsonists if you take into account that the buildings razed were the staffrooms (filled with exam papers and answers) - number 1 enemy territory of the student masses.

i admit, i've never developed a liking for the staffroom in all my secondary student life. in fact, i detested each time i was called to the staffroom (which was not very often, praise be to God), even the very act of having to send exercise books to the teacher's table would send my eyes rolling to high heavens just because i hated having to repeat, 'Slamat tengari, cikgu' to every teacher i meet in there.

HOWEVER. i didn't hate it enough to want to burn the damned thing down!

kids these days, no patience or moral decency whatsoever. yes, this is a question of morality too because Pendidikan Moral taught us about Kesederhanaan ie. Bersikap tidak keterlaluan dalam membuat pertimbangan atau kelakuan. and if you didn't learn anything from those long moral lessons you had to sit through each week, well, may God save your soul because nothing else will.

Week 16: The Obligatory Annual Start-of-Winter Rant

2009-06-12T11:33:00.004+10:00

it's only the 12th day of winter and already i've had enough. I'VE HAD ENOUGH. i'm throwing in the towel and calling it quits. i mean, it's only the 12th day for crying out loud and the weather gods have taken it into their heads to drain the living heat out of me and crumble me piece by piece, mind, body and soul.

why is it so cold in sydney? why is it so fucking cold here? i don't understand why sydney has to be so cold. this morning, when i woke up at 9.20, i looked at the weather forcast available on my phone and it said, and i quote, 'Sydney NOW 7 degrees Celcius'. 7 degrees Celcius. 7 degrees Celcius. 7 degrees Celcius. i thought my phone was playing a joke on me. i thought it was april's fool in june. i thought it was probably last night's update. so i looked again. Sydney NOW 7 degrees Celcius. what the fuck is wrong with the weather?!

it is only the 12th day of winter ya tuhanku!!! what about later on? what are we to expect in the heart of winter? am i supposed to feel the very marrow of my bones slowly solidify and freeze until i become a giant ice statue like Tracy Strauss (obscure Heroes reference)??

and you would think that having previously passed and survived 4 winters, i would have developed some semblance of an adaptive capacity towards the cold, but no. no, it's just too damned cold. i theorise that no one actually ever gets used to the cold.

ROAR. i wish global warming would happen already. less talk and more action, depleting ozone layer above the australian continent!!

Week 16: The gloriousness of Hunter

2009-06-11T12:17:00.006+10:00

the last time i visited the Hunter Valley was in 2005, when i was young, naive and not quite the alcohol-enthusiast that i am now. back then, i didn't know my chardonnay from my pinot gris or my shiraz from my cabernet sauvignon (fuuyoh, i'm talking like some wine afficianado, when in actual fact i'm not!) - they were all red and whites and unappealing to me. no. back then, i didn't even taste any of the fine wines that the region had to offer, oh Lord have mercy. i didn't realise the full potential of the Hunter, and it was something that came back to haunt me time and again as my palette improved with every year that i passed here in sydney.

however, an opportunity to redeem myself arose last weekend and i grabbed with relish! my parents, my two cousins and myself were to spend the night at Hunter and just taste wines with wild and reckless abandon (ok la, not so much wild and reckless because my dad was there playing the role of wine patrol bah)! it was so much fun! i had so much fun! i bought so much wine! but i do not regret a single purchase - in fact, i wish i had bought more!

sigh.

anyway, Hunter's great. not just because of the wine, ok, but also for it's scenery. i didn't expect it to be so green and i certainly did not expect the rolling hills. even the food was excellent (except for the dinner at Chez Pok - commit that to your memory! you have been warned - which we will never speak of again)!

ok. enough talk. pictures will commence from...NOW!

here's a bonus photo for you, and why i think kids these days get all the unnecessary luxuries that were devoid during our time (the Gen Ys).

freakin' 4 years old and already playing with a nintendo DS!? strike me dead and call me a sprig of coriander. kids these days...sigh.

Week 15: How well do you know me?

2009-06-05T11:29:00.004+10:00

if you didn't already know (but i think most of you do, and, in saying so, have already done), there's a quiz on facebook testing the quiz-takers on how well they know me. the results, i should say, was pretty dismal. and this is where i cast a disapproving look on all of you who took it (except 2).

disapproving look.

the mean score was 49.2%, which, in any normal educational institution (apart from malaysia) equates to a FAIL. that's right. it seems that i'm an enigma even to some of my closest friends. in light of this, i'd set my passing score at 75% (because i demand high quality results - nothing short of excellence) and only 2 people made the cut (baby and zingi - got surprise for you guys!).

however, as all quizzes go, somes issues were brought up, primarily that the quiz was flawed in some aspects. take Question 1, for example:

If all the following fell into the ocean, which would i rescue?
a. A million dollars
b. Ratatouille
c. Teen Guang Wei
d. My two heart-shaped pillows
e. My iPod

one quiz-taker argued that it would come down to either Teen Guang Wei (henceforth known as TGW) or my pillows. this is because, and i quote, "You are not money-minded so a million dollars is not important to you", which i duly took as a compliment (although, if i did see a million dollars floating in the sea, i'd most probably jump in for that, only and only if, there was nothing else). also, he argued, i most certainly wouldn't save Ratatouille on the account that it is a stinking filthy rat, and an iPod can be bought over again; after all, the songs are still safe within iTunes. so, through the process of elimination, it came down to either TGW or my pillows. and this is where he argued fervently (and i do commend his efforts) that, since pillows were inanimate objects while TGW was a living breathing person, i would definitely save TGW.

this matter is still being contested. but anyone who's anyone who truly KNOWS me, would know that my pillows are my life. hence, controversy arose.

anyway, the results saddens me greatly. i thought i have always been very transparent about myself and everything else that concerns me. i guess i was wrong.

yes, i'm looking at you, Elaine Yap YL.

p.s. on another note, does any of you think you're someone's favourite person? i saw this video on youtube the other day and it's been stirring some heavy thinking in me. am i anyone's favourite person? frankly, i don't think so. i'd like to say, my mom or dad, but i'm sure that their favourite persons are each other. and then, i was trying to think through my list of friends, but i'm not narcissistic or deluded enough to think that i'm possibly the favourite person of any of them. so perhaps, i am my own favourite person? after all, self-preservation is the greatest love of all. hmmm.

on that note, are you person 1, 2 or 3?

Week 15: An update!

2009-06-03T13:16:00.003+10:00

a lot happened over the past week. here are some pictures as guidelines - i'm just gonna clue you in with each one because i can't be arsed typing out in full proper paragraphs. my neck hurts because i slept in a weird angle last night RAGE i'll never sleep on double pillows anymore.

i celebrated my 23rd birthday, in case you missed the previous post! pictured here with me are the members of the Byrne lab, and seated on my right (in white, to make it super obvious) is the culprit responsible for the recent case of Updates spam on my facebook page. if you missed it, thanks - it's not worth going back to read them. needless to say, never leave your facebook page unattended; consequences can be...dire.

my parents arrived. yay!

a few days later, GRADUATION! finally, i'm an official graduand JUST LIKE ALL OF YOU! and it wasn't as painful as i thought it would be. i didn't slip thus embarrassing myself, however, i did miss the tip of my mortarboard when i was supposed to be saluting the vice-chancellor. my fingers were grasping at thin air before i decided that, fuck this shit, i'm just gonna walk down those stairs.

later in the night, massive graduation dinner for the family. i'm thankful that no one made me give a speech. in the end, everyone (including my parents) adjourned to good ol' marly bar! fairy dust shots all around!

the next day, we visited Orange. here's Ben. he is a mystery because he can be the sweetest, most angelic and most affectionate boy in the world but a second later, he becomes the tantrum king devil incarnate. it is crazy.

he scratched my hand and broke the skin. and when i said OW he quickly grabbed my hand, said SORRY SORRY and started kissing it to make it better. can we all say AWWW!? and the way he plays the innocent role is mind-boggling! he was fighting with Joshua and his dad got angry. well, josh got the brunt of the wrath and started crying while ben ran away at the first sign of parental judgement. 20 minutes later, he went up to the still-crying josh and said with the most innocent of expressions,

"What happened, Josh? Why are you crying? Did da-da beat you? Don't cry!"

and then, random kisses and hugs ensued.

i would've fell off my chair from laughing too much if the situation wasn't so incredulous.

Week 15: Yet another year closer to death JENGJENGJENG!

2009-06-03T11:30:00.000+10:00

Back when I was 19, one of my favourite songs was 23 by Jimmy Eat World. I can’t remember how I came across all seven minutes and twenty four seconds of this masterpiece of violin, guitar, bass and drums but I knew I was in love with the song thirty seconds into its instrumental intro. It is a song about frustration. It is about unrequited love. It is about how long is too long before you put an end to a waiting game. It is about letting go at 23.

Back then, I was going through some personal shit (shit here does not equate to ‘bad’. It’s more of a one-of-my-favourite-words-in-the-dictionary-kind-of-context – you can say that it can equate to ‘stuff’). I wanted to, yet I didn’t want to but, dear God, how much I wanted to! And all this while, an internal battle waged itself in my head – the slip ups I made which I berated myself heavily upon, yet I also berated myself heavily for not being forthright with myself and what I wanted. Yes, it was kind of messy and confusing.

Needless to say, listening to 23 when I was driving home alone late one night, I became afraid. In all honesty, I was suddenly terrified that my fate would end up exactly as that of the person in the song. I didn’t want to stick around waiting for someone till I turned 23. I didn’t want to be as embittered as J.E.W. (Hey! Another conspiracy theory for Waiking to ponder over!) when he turned 23.

When you are 19, 23 seems ages away. That was how I tried to calm myself down. I told myself that 23 was four grand long years away and surely, by then, everything would’ve changed. And even then, I couldn’t see myself turning 23 – not in a morbid live-fast-die-young sort of way – because 23 was still so damn long away!

Well, I am now 23 and my circumstances did NOT turn out like the song (Or did it? Hmmmmm) God bless. But I’m still in shit, except that it’s different shit. I guess some things never change.

Anyway, in order to steer this post back to a more light-hearted and celebratory mood, I have composed a 5-line limerick:

Happy birthday to me,
I’ve made it to twenty three,
But I’m not sure if I can handle more,
In order to make it to twenty four,
Perhaps we’ll just have to wait and see.

Boom-tish! You’ve been an amazing audience.

Week 14: I LOST ANOTHER WEEK AGAIN!

2009-05-25T13:08:00.004+10:00

since learning the true value of the oft-mentioned-but-as-rare-and-mythical-as-big-foot hard-earned dollar, i have been bringing my levels of thrifty-ness to great new heights! however, that is not to say that i hoard every single dollar in my bank account and refuse to spend even a single cent of it. all it has done is make my doubly triply and quaterply careful with what i spend my money on!

back in the day when i was still leaching off my parents, i would have to think real hard whenever i want to buy something and ask myself such gems of a question as "How many hours must papa breathe in woodchips before i can buy this dress?" or "How many translation tapes must mommy go through before i can buy that pair of shoes?". now i know the answer to those sort of questions, and the answer is "A LOT."

however, like i said, i still love shopping. it's just that i don't buy anything at full price anymore. instead, i'll wait and wait until the item i want goes on sale (and in australia, chances are you don't really have to wait that long). if it doesn't ever go on sale or if it does but runs out of my size, well, i'd just tell myself that me and coveted-item were not fated to belong together. easy. too easy. but that's only the first hurdle. if said coveted item IS on sale and IS available in my size, i'll have to further deliberate if the quality of the item is worth my money. i may be a scrooge sometimes but if i think it's worth my money, i'll gladly hand over my hard-earned bucks just to gratify myself materially.

ok. there's three paragraphs written just to tell you that, over the past few weeks, this is what i've spent my wages on (besides food and rent):

coat from Sportsgirl. super nice, i'm wearing it right now! price: NA.

Sgt. Pepperish top from Ladakh. super love. it can't wait for KL! price: NA.

9west shoes. super orgasm HAHAHA i won't show you the heel height but needless to say, if i fall i'll probably break my neck and, if i don't die, i'll be a paraplegic YAY! price: NA.

ya, that's about it. there are only one thing in this whole world that i won't hesitate dishing money out for and that's books! to date: i think i've spent AUD_______ on books, but i don't care, it's my money! (sorry, cannot reveal).

bye.

Week 12: WHOA new banner!

2009-05-14T18:04:00.002+10:00

there's a new banner up! it's been nearly a year since i've had the old multi-coloured cubed one and a lot has happened since then so i thought i might as well change it.

the colour scheme is probably less 'noisy' than the old one as there's only mainly blues, yellows and reds. the pictures were taken during one of my last nights in kajang earlier this year and the subject of each thumbnail is probably explanatory enough of what went on. all things aside, i'd rate that night as one of the best nights of my life. reasons being: small group of really good friends and alcohol. hilarity would then ensue on its own accord. and trust me, there was much hilarity to be had that night.

ANYWAY.

can't wait to see you guys soon! ok perhaps not so soon, because everything's relative after all. p.s. tell me if you like this new banner or if you fucking hate it (yes, you can say 'i fucking hate it mel' and i won't get angry - but must put name ok!? don't be a stranger) because i'm open to comments.

Week 12: Have you seen my cd anywhere?

2009-05-12T14:28:00.004+10:00

not wanting to be premature or anything, but i think i've landed myself in the mother of all fuck-ups. i can't find any of my final documents for my honours thesis: my entire thesis and its chapters are missing, my final presentation, my figure plates with pretty little urchin pictures - NOTHING. they are neither in my laptop nor on the lab computer.

i know that they should be on my ex-housie's external hard-drive that i was using when my laptop crashed on me last year - but i can't be sure. and besides, it's already been nigh on 6 months since then, chances are she'd already have trashed it into her recycling bin.

on the other hand, i'm confident that i burnt all relevant documents onto a cd but said cd is MISSING. i know i brought it home with me to Kajang and, perhaps just perhaps, it might still be there. according to my mother though, it is not. however my confidence level on her search tactics is borderline non-existent (sorry mom. just kidding. don't angry. keep searching).

SO! now i'm hoping against hope that said cd is tucked in somewhere in my laptop bag. knowing my acute propensity to randomly chuck things aside, i am hoping that i've chucked it into my laptop bag and not into the fucking bin.

monumental fuck-ups aside, all is well! i'll be graduating in 2 weeks' time - which is fortunate considering i've been waiting for nearly half a year for this. i'm slightly apprehensive of it though; what if i stumble on the way up the stage and fall ass over feet with my petticoat splayed for all honoured academicians and guests to see?! what if i threw my mortarboard in the air and it fell and stabbed some poor bald elderly gentleman in the eye!? those caps are hard and sharp, you know.

ah well, anyway. if you want to see my humiliate and embarass myself greatly, then come on down to the Great Quadrangle on 29 May. i'm not sure what time my session is because i can't be arsed to go collect my mail back at the old place. but i really should.

Week 11: Are you spent?

2009-05-08T12:55:00.004+10:00

[Warning: Absolutely shit boring-as-a-2-ply-toilet-tissue post ahead! Read at your own peril! Don't say I didn't warn you!]

According to an article in Grazia, I am spent. Apparently it is a newly-coined condition sweeping the great US of A and it essentially means feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and running on empty. Sound familiar? Read on.

Someone who is deemed as ‘spent’ experiences at least three of the following symptoms:

Rarely feeling fully refreshed in the morning even after getting eight hours’ sleep.

(Check. For some reason, even though I’ve been sleeping before 12 and waking up way after the sun has risen, lately my eyebags have been making a comeback and I’ve been yawning like a kleptomaniac throughout the day).

Regularly feeling unusually tired for no apparent reason.

(This one’s checked too, because, let’s face it – I am a lazy person HAHAHA maybe this can explain why I’m so lazy!)

Require caffeine or sugary carbs (white bread, bagels etc) to wake you up.

(Not I. I never really liked bread nor coffee – Re: My unfortunate coffee incident last year.)

When enjoyable things (sex HAHA who?!, a night out with friends etc) often feel like a chore.

(Check again. I’ve been known to turn down evening outings because I just can’t be bothered – but I always thought that it was because I’m a lazy fucker. But maybe there’s a greater explanation for this hmmm.)

Often feel overwhelmed by your to-do list.

Often worry about the security of your job.

Occasionally suffer from bloating, wind or constipation.

(HAHAHA! Constipation, no, because I eat my vegetables and fruits! But bloating, yes boo hoo).

Struggling to lose weight.

(WTF? Ok, I’m not sure how this is relevant but if it’s in the checklist then it must be. And I checked this too because, let’s face it, I am fighting a losing battle here).

Your mind continues to race with worry even though you’re flat-out exhausted.

(Yup. Happens to me sometimes.)

Trouble focusing on something or remembering things.

(Yes. After all, I’ve now been nicknamed Goldfish – for very good reasons).

Ok. Did you get all that? How many did you qualify for? Do you think you are spent? If yes, no fear! Here are some ways to counter your spent-ness.

Go on a technology detox i.e. turn off everything electrical like computers, laptops, TVs and even handphones after 10 pm.

I know, some pretty crazy stuff, eh? I’ve started the habit of turning off my laptop now (I used to leave it on so that iTunes could run and lull me to sleep) however, I still can’t bring myself to turn off the phone but I compromise by putting it at the other end of the room from my bed HAHA! Apparently exposure to electromagnetic fields too close to bedtime stops our sleep hormones from being secreted as we drift off to sleep hence we never reach deep restorative sleep and as a result, wake up exhausted every day.

Cool, huh?!

That’s about it. The other ways to counter spent-ness were normal generic remedies like eating well, not eating processed foods, exercising regularly blablabla. But how cool is the technology detox?!

It’s quite true though. Ever since my laptop has been turned off at night, I’ve been sleeping longer with fewer interruptions to my sleep. I mean, I don’t wake up as often at night anymore, compared to the once-every-two-three-hours before. It’s very annoying la and I guess that’s why I always felt so tired even though I’ve slept in. Oh, also, lights from radio alarm clocks are bad too.

Anyway, I hope this was informative. I just figured since we're now a very technologically-driven society and I personally know many of my peers who are suffering from insomnia and tiredness so I thought this might help.

Week 11: This entry is entirely fictitious. Happy birthday! You turn 1 today!

2009-05-05T13:41:00.005+10:00

[Ed. note: Please be reminded once again that this is entirely a work of fiction. I cannot stress how strongly that this is not fact]

. . .

I downloaded Mae.
It reminds me of you.
What songs did you get?
Ready and waiting to fall.

. . .

Let’s hop on a plane and fly there. I’ll meet you at the Esplanade.
Okay, let’s do it.
Meet me at 5.30. Under the tree with the pink flowers.
Alright.
Don’t forget.
Won’t forget.

. . .

So, you were already sad then right?
Yes, I was.
I could tell, you know.
Right when I clambered down to the rockpools where the dogs were. Just watching the waves crash and break.
It’s alright.

. . .

You’ll probably see him when you look into your mirror too.
After all, it was your tummy he scratched, not mine.
I’m not afraid.
I and he are buddies. I scratch his stomach, he scratches mine too.
We buddies.
Tight.

. . .

What happens if someone comes up to you and says that he likes you?
Well, then I’ll say...that’s nice.
How evil.
I was just kidding.
Don’t lie.
I’m not lying.
Ok...well, I’d say, oh really? That’s great because I like you too.

. . .

I was too sleepy. The things I do for you.
I know. I’m so touched.
Fake.

. . .

So, what made you decide to do what you did last night?
Decide to do what?
Say I’ll never let you go.
And since you kept asking me why, I think it’s my turn to ask you why now.
I was sleepy and simply said it off-hand.
I see.
But that line has some truth in it though. Perhaps I can say it at a later time and actually mean it 100%.
Fair enough.
That’s some powerful stuff right there.
It is.
I know.
And you pretended like you didn’t hear it.

. . .

So what made you decide to say those things to me last night?
What things?
Like, what would happen if that guy was you etc?
Guts.
Because you kept saying, oh you know you should tell someone you like them or else you’ll miss the opportunity.
And you kept egging me on.
That’s true. But I’m glad you said it because I wouldn’t know for sure.
And I thought you were seeing someone else.
Honestly?
For one instance, seriously.

. . .

Everyone’s asleep?
Try not to get into trouble.
I’ll blame it on you.
Sure.

. . .

Thanks for trusting me.
Of course. You’re the hope I have for change, remember?
But am I the only chance that you will take?
Perhaps. I’ll think about that.

. . .

As for me, I had to wait another year.
Then did you cry?
No.
Don’t lie. It is ok to admit it.
Honest. I did something worse though. I pretended like nothing happened – like everything was ok even though I was quite sad inside.
Heartless.
Not heartless.
I mean, crying doesn’t solve anything. So why cry?
True.

. . .

Rindu aku?
Takde la. Kenapa?
Oh, tanya je.
Macam mana kau tahu aku tengah rindu kau sambil mendengar lagu jiwang?
Saya ada intuasi.

. . .

Fool.
Well, you’re the bigger one for voluntarily getting involved with one.
Hey.
Yes?
Nothing.
I know.
I bet you didn’t.
You bet I did.

. . .

You are so sensitive.
What has that got to do with anything?
Nothing. I’m just telling you that you’re sensitive.
I know. You’ve been telling me that since day one.

. . .

Don’t talk to me.
You are pissing me off. You always do that.
If you want to hang up, then don’t call me anymore.
I hate it when you’re being condescending, ok? Don’t talk to me like I’m a kid.
I’m not a child you can talk down to.

. . .

I guess this is goodbye.
I guess.

. . .

End.

Week 10: Applying for a permanent residency visa is much harder than it looks.

2009-05-01T15:34:00.004+10:00

as of two weeks ago, i am now one step closer to being a permanent resident of Australia. however, events leading up to the lodgement of my visa application left much to be desired. needless to say - the australian government has now emptied my bank account of nigh on $3000 what with the application fees along with the endless forms and documents that needed to be assessed. if any of you are planning to apply for a permanent residency visa, i earnestly suggest that you think it through CAREFULLY and make sure that you have at least $3k for disposal.

financial discontentment aside, applying for this visa has actually made me quite sad. the previous 'this is gonna be temporary' mindset that i adopted back in 2005 when i was embarking on my first year of university has been effectively switched over to 'this is gonna be permanent'. THIS IS PERMANENT! hell, i've even caught the disgusting habit of referring to sydney as home - as in, "When are you going back to Sydney?" "I'm going home in 2 weeks." see the problem?

oh tidings of woe, if i knew that the outcome would be as such, would i still have been so cheery about leaving negaraku, tanah tumpahnya darahku back in 2005?! now with my application under review, i feel like i'm yet another step further from my country. and i guess i'm not alone in feeling such sentiments - albeit just one other person that i know.

Scene 1: Two friends.
damn sad la i feel like i'm yet another step further away from malaysia =( =( =(
lol me too!
yea WEI
you know
i was just feeling nostalgic about malaysia this morning
End.

SIGH! i feel nostalgic about malaysia nearly every day! especially now that my room is plastered with photographs that remind me of how transient my time spent at home really is. boohoo blubber cry SIGH.

therefore, in order to elevate my feelings to that of a sunshiney day, i shall spam all of you with photographs of my time spent back home! i haven't really put any up (except for the time when i was travelling about msia) because, i dunno, i guess i was partly lazy and partly...

I JUST REALISED A LOT OF PHOTOS AREN'T UPLOADABLE HAHAHAHA plus i'm running short of time so my spam probably isn't gonna be much of a spam. meh. i'll sift through a bit more, when i get the time. bye. I MISS YOU GUYS!

Week 10: This is my (new) home.

2009-04-27T14:17:00.005+10:00

alright, as promised, photos of my new place! i really want to put up my address just so that any of you kind souls can send me snail mail if you ever feel so inclined - but i did that once before way back in 2007 and i got chastised the older-cousin way. and even though i know that the possibility of a potential stalker obtaining that information and camping outside my current home is HIGHLY UNLIKELY (maybe about 3.7% chance - i did the math), i'd as soon face the wrath and craziness of said stalker than to face the wrath of said older-cousin (you know who i'm talking about, you).

anyway, play-by-play. it's not exactly in its tidiest of states. but i figured that if i were to wait till the place was all nice and tidied up, these photos would never be taken...if you know what i mean.

begin.

so, this is a part of the living room, with views from our little balcony. that's the $23.50 dual-lamp i bought from IKEA. have i mentioned how much i love IKEA?

and this is the dining area. very spartan and minimalistic - i think the cross lends a nice touch to the atmosphere - because we usually have our meals in front of the tv. TA-DAA! you have to be a tv addict if you want to live here (no la, i'm just speaking for myself).

our little kitchen. if you can spot something interesting (and highly pleasurable - depending on how much you like it) in this photo, i will give you a surprise.

and this is my room. i'm starting to refer to it as the room of endless summers in my head because i've got photos from all my summers (and a smidgen of winters) tacked onto the walls. it's a great tool for remembering everything that i've done throughout my 3 months of four years of play in malaysia. and the best part is that the photos are in chronological order so that i can actually see myself aging with time.

the photos encircle the walls of my room. i've just got a little bit more to go before it touches the door again. anyone wants to send me photos that i can tack up on the wall? if you can spot yourself in any of the photos and correctly identify when that photo was taken, I WILL GIVE YOU A SURPRISE! i promise.

i got myself a queen-sized bed now (nyehehe!) so no more fear of rolling off the bed at night! can you see something familiar nestled amongst the sheets? sorry, this is turning into a kindergarten show-and-tell class. my room looks out to the communal courtyard/car space.

so there you have it - a visual tour of the Big H. but the photos only translate ~60% of the whole feel of the apartment, you really should come and visit to see it for yourself! it's so much better.

Week 9: I can't wait for the next blood drive now because i know it won't hurt!

2009-04-22T17:53:00.008+10:00

i had a health check/blood test the other day! i finally gave blood - not in the extract-5-litres-for-a-blood-drive sense but more of a let's-take-6ml-and-fill-it-in-a-syringe-for-HIV-testing sense.

you wouldn't believe the anxiety i went through for the 5 days leading up to the bloody health check. i was 100% certain that the entire blood-taking procedure would hurt like a million bees with stingers extended descending upon a 1mm square area of skin...MY SKIN (i know realistically that 1mm square area of skin cannot accommodate a million stingers - but let's assume it's a hypothetical situation loaded with imagination). i was fretting the entire time. i kept asking anyone and everyone who's ever given blood or had blood taken if it would hurt. and fuck, did i get back some horror stories.

so here i was, fretting and sweating about the whole damned thing. i was so sick with worry that i couldn't even have restful sleep the night before the procedure. heeding the words of advice my cousin gave me, i drank a ton of water the night before the blood-taking as well as the morning of said event (incidentally, it was also the same cousin who told me that they couldn't locate her vein and had to rummage under her skin with the hypodermic needle before they eventually found one - that could not give blood jengjengjeng and in the end she ended up having a huge bruise on her arm).

anyway, it all went fine and dandy. the nurse found my vein in an instance (it hurt when the needle went in, but it was tolerable - i've had bigger hurts than that RAWR navel piercing etc but to be honest it didn't really hurt when i had my navel pierced JENGJENGJENG) and within seconds, blood was pumping and filling up the little syringe. it was kinda cool. i actually stared at the syringe the entire time because it was kinda fascinating. in a weird way.

actual blood is pumping through my veins! and i never realised how dark my blood was. it was like the colour of red wine - maybe just a slight tinge darker. could it be the reason why some people claim that i am dark and twisty inside? it's my fucking blood, geez, so stop discriminating against me. it's genetic ok? it can't be helped.

and all i have now is just a tiny little pinprick scar which will undoubtedly disappear within a week. perhaps i might even forget it ever existed! i wish everything was as simple as that.

Week 8: Three posts in a week? WELL DONE!

2009-04-17T15:51:00.004+10:00

i've been feeling rather anti-social these days. can't seem to find the reason for said feelings except that maybe it's linked to a cause-and-effect of working on weekends for 3 weekends in a row. but i shouldn't complain: it's not like i have anything else better to do other than to sit around and watch tv (tv's broken now, by the way. yup. technology is closing the door on my life slowly, one electronic apparatus at a time).

besides, working on weekends = more money earned = less money spent on weekend-shopping = fatter bank account = enough saved up money to fly home to malaysia in august!

no la, i'm not flying back in august (calm your hearts, parents). it's just an idea that i've been toying about in my head quite a lot recently. plus the tickets are quite cheap (MAS lagi) so i guess it's worth a thought IF NOTHING ELSE!

ya.

STILL no internet at home. to be honest, i really don't care anymore. i get more time to do some reading (i've gone through 3 books in 3 weeks), something which i didn't do last year through lack of time and motivation plus i had other thoughts to worry and ponder in my head. i get more time to watch movies (i bought 4 dvds yesterday: fight club, trainspotting, donnie darko and the darjeeling limited, which i can't wait to watch. and ya, i haven't watched fight club but imma gonna so don't give me grief about it), and just generally catch up with everyone else on the movie scene (no i haven't watched quantum of solace, ironman, watchmen, batman begins, slumdog millionaire, SATC haih whatever la you guys name it i've not watched it). also, i get more sleep. and a healthier lifestyle.

plus, if i don't see, i won't know. and what i don't know, i won't care. and what i don't care for...well, that's rather self-explanatory.

ok well goodbye.

Week 8: You can interpret this as an explanation.

2009-04-15T17:19:00.002+10:00

[Ed Note: yes, unfortunately most of my posts will be of the back-dated kind. this occurred on Holy Thursday. did you have a good Easter?]

Whilst I was walking home today, I came across an old man of the white hair + walking stick variety who had fallen down by the side of the road. My first instinct was to stop and help him but as I stood there, I realized that there were at least 15 people already standing. As they were already helping him up the side of the curb, I decided to walk on. I figured that since there were already 15 people standing there giving him assistance, if I were to stop too it would probably turn it into a come-and-see spectacle and not exactly a needed helping hand.

I still felt guilty though, as if I was walking away and turning my back against someone who needed my help. Plus, with Good Friday just around the corner, I felt my catholic self scream out towards me to help the poor man for the love of God!

As my footsteps brought my further and further away from said old man, I found myself turning around ever so often to check if he was still ok and if the 15 people that I saw milling around him were still there or if they’ve moved on after they realized that there wasn’t really that much excitement and novelty in witnessing an old overweight man fall by the side of the road. As expected, the 15 people had dwindled to 5 but they were still there helping the man to his feet and across the road. That was when I knew that he would be ok, and I continued on my way albeit with a lighter heart.

What is the point of this narrative? There is no point, frankly. Sometimes, you don’t need a reason to relate a story, or to immerse yourself in grief, or to disappear. Sometimes, it happens just because.

Week 8: Something that went on in Week 4.

2009-04-14T11:37:00.004+10:00

[Ed. Note: i wrote this piece during the first few days when i was staying by my own lonesome self in the new apartment (henceforth known as The Big H for Hereford St) sans internet and tv (yea i know, i had NO TV and NO INTERNET for the first 2 days...that was my state of purgatory right there). anyway, i forgot all about it until i was going through my documents late last night and decided that i will publish it.

i'm warning you in advance though, it is boring. i was just trying to entertain myself.]

So here I am; lips all pursed, one hand on waist and the other balancing a single bed frame, staring down the end of the Daihatsu Mirage boot-space. I have a mission today and that mission is to fit said bed frame in to aforementioned Mirage. It seems impossible and I’m 83% sure that a small part of me believes that it’s impossible but that’s just me being a pessimist and life-long cynic.

After a 15-minute struggle that seemed more like an hour-long battle, I succeed in fitting all 175 centimetres into the boot-space. My mind tells me that what I have just achieved is of epic proportion and I am mentally high-fiving myself and giving me thumping slaps on the back on a job well done. It is no easy feat trying to fit 175 centimetres of something into a space that is just marginally greater in length. I have been there, I have done that and I’m telling you now.

A short 3-minute drive later and I arrive at the intended destination. Knowing that I only have one and a half flight of stairs to climb with the bed frame at the new place as opposed to the 3 flights of stairs I had to endure carrying the bed-frame down to the Mirage at the old gives me some semblance of comfort. I tackled 3 flights of stairs solo; I’ll be damned if I let a puny one and a half flight of stairs get to my psyche now. Off-loading the bed-frame is easier than I thought: I am actually mildly disappointed that it was so simple – given that it took Herculean effort to wrestle the damned thing in, it would only be fitting (and right here, I’m just thinking about its dignity, not mine) that it would take some degree of hard work to get it out. However, it slides out like a newborn baby and I guess I shouldn’t be complaining.

I size up the stairwell and begin my climb upwards. On hindsight, oh how I underestimated you, new stairwell! My pride from my previous conquest got the better of me! As I struggle to maneouver the bed-frame up the first flight of stairs, it clangs against the carpeted stairs and the back-end slams against the security door. I wince but continue my upward battle by positioning myself in front of the frame and half drag half slide the frame upwards. As I round the corner to meet the half flight stairs, I hit the frame against the railing and the most deafening sound of metal meeting metal resounds throughout the stairwell. I cringe, curse and think about the black cat I saw last night whilst crossing Missenden Rd. I knew from that moment on that my task does not come embarrassment-free. I pray that there’s no one in my block today that will hear me.

I finally make it to the front door red-faced, self-conscious and humbled. As I fumble with my keys my neighbour opens her door and greets me with a cheery smile and a ‘Hello, are you moving in today?’ while I mumbled a ‘Yes, I’m just bringing some stuff over gwnerhiwergnaeorgher (mumbling slowly tapers off – I’m tired ok, give me a break)’ to which she promptly replied, ‘Yup, I heard your bed hitting the staircase. It was pretty loud.’

FUCK.

Week 7: It's true.

2009-04-09T13:49:00.005+10:00

Edit: VIDEO UP HALLELUJAH!

my obsession (yes, it is an obsession) with Coldplay began nearly 9 years ago when i first heard the opening bar of Yellow. something about the melody and the lyrics hit me like gust of cold wind in the gut and i was left wanting more when the song ended. for days, i would turn up the volume of the radio whenever it was played on Hitz and when i finally got Astro (and subsequently MTV and Channel V) i could finally put a face to the haunting voice that sang to me to tell me to look at the stars because they were all yellow.

it was beautiful. i was completely mesmerised. i couldn't tear my eyes away from the television screen because here was the lead singer of the band singing with complete earnestness and frank sincerity as though he truly really WOULD swim, jump, draw a line or even bleed himself dry for his love. i believed everything he said and from that moment on, i was sold.

i bought their single and played Yellow on loop for at least a hundred times in a single day. i loved it and i couldn't get enough of it. i can still loop Yellow for hours on end and find myself drifting away from this world. if you knew me well, you would know that it is my #1 all-time favouritest song.

i've watched Coldplay live twice now and each time it is a mind-boggling experience. the first time was for their X&Y tour and most recently, Viva La Vida. i can only wish that i had the opportunity to watch them during their Parachutes tour and perhaps A Rush of Blood. Parachutes takes gold and if i were at a Parachutes tour, i know it would be of orgasmic proportion and akin to reaching the highest level of the Noble Eightfold Path and attaining Nirvana. it would be THAT good i have no doubt of it.

anyway, for all you lovers of Coldplay, here's their rendition of Yellow played during their Viva La Vida Tour in Acer Arena, Sydney on March 14, 2009. that female voice you hear screaming in the background? that is NOT me.

Edit: apologies about the rather shaky video. it was really hard to keep steady because i was trying to juggle between enjoying the song, broadcasting the show to someone via my phone AND trying to warm myself up so that i wouldn't freeze my ass off (it poured torrential rain as we were making our way to the stadium and all of us got drenched from head to toe - not nice at all).

anyway, Coldplay rocks. Wooo yeah.

Week 7: Holy Echinoids, Batman! I JUST LOST A WEEK!

2009-04-08T18:22:00.004+10:00

I AM MISSING!

ok no not really i am just missing time. the apartment is 95% up and running and i'm quietly confident that by the end of NEXT week i'll be able to show you guys around. i feel like i'm losing touch with the world outside of my current workforce and relative circles. it seems like ages since i've last talked to friends who are within easy reach i.e. you guys in malaysia and everywhere else but sydney.

DO YOU ALL MISS ME OR HAVE YOU NOT EVEN NOTICED THAT I'M NOT THERE?